I’m In a Relationship With My Boyfriend and His Girlfriend

I met Darius during my national service. He was one of the big guys—the sort of man whose presence alone changed the temperature in a room. Tall, confident, always smelling like good decisions and expensive perfume. From the beginning, I knew he liked me. He never said it outright, but everything he did screamed, “Efua, I want you.”

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He would buy me lunch and also offer to drive me home. When he drove me home, he did not even complain about the traffic like other men do. Sometimes I would get home, open my bag, and see crisp notes tucked inside with a small handwritten message: “In case you want free money to buy something. – Darius”

My colleagues would tease me endlessly. “What have you done to that man?” “Ei, Efua, teach us your charm. We, too, want somebody’s son to put money in our bag o!” Honestly, I had not done anything. I did not flirt, did not dress provocatively, did not even encourage him. I was just doing my national service, but Darius made it seem like I had saved his life in a previous world.

Then one day, he walked to my desk after work, leaned forward slightly, and said, “I am going to Nigeria for a four-day conference. Would you like to go with me?” My heart skipped two beats and did a somersault. But I kept my cool. I answered that I would want to go but did not know the excuse to give to my boss to let me not come to work for a whole week.

He smiled like he owned the world and said, “Leave that one to me.” Before I could blink, he had arranged everything. So I followed Darius to Nigeria. We slept in the same hotel room for four nights. Same bed. Same air. Same silence. And he never touched me.

I kept wondering: Does he not like me like that? Is he impotent? Married? Gay? What exactly is happening? On the flight back to Ghana, I finally asked, “So what was the point of bringing me along?” He chuckled, “Just to be with you here so those hungry men in the office would not have you while I was away. They think I do not see how they look at you.”

I laughed, but confusion was eating me alive. Back home, he sent a message days later, “I really love you. But there is a problem and I do not know if you will accept me that way.” I did not hesitate. I called immediately. “What problem?”

His voice dropped serious. “I want you as my girlfriend but I cannot keep only you as a girlfriend. There is Sophia. We have dated for almost a year. She does not mind me having another girlfriend. But I do not know about you.”

For a moment, I went blank. Who says this kind of thing? What kind of man announces his infidelity like a lecture? But instead of feeling disgusted, I felt disoriented and weirdly impressed by his honesty. He could have easily hidden Sophia. Most men do. But he laid it bare. I asked if he was very sure that Sophia loved him and he answered that he was very sure. I asked, “How can a woman love you and still want to share you with another woman?” And he answered, “She accepts polygamy, that is why.”

I accepted to date him with the intention to work hard and snatch him from Sophia. I was going to be the obedient girlfriend and study what he lacked from Sophia and give him just that. I will love him, handle him right, and eventually, he will choose me over Sophia. I did not know I was entering a battle I was not prepared for.

After I agreed, Darius said, “I want you to meet Sophia. I want both of you to get along.” I choked on my own saliva.

“What?! Why?”
“So there is no misunderstanding. I want peace.”

For the next three months, he persuaded me through gifts and beautiful messages to meet Sophia. He would send me screenshots of their chat where Sophia was expressing eagerness to meet me. So finally, I agreed to meet her. He gave her my number. She called. And that very weekend, she came to visit me at home.

This is Sophia…
Beautiful, confident, curvy, polished.
Face card—10/10.
Body—God took His time.
Job—excellent.
Degree—solid.
Confidence—unmatched.

I sat there wondering: So what does Darius want from me that he does not already have in Sophia? What do men even want? Sophia was surprisingly sweet. She admitted she was not comfortable either but was trying. I respected her honesty. We started getting close. We talked about life, womanhood, careers, everything except the giant elephant called Darius.

When Darius is with us, it feels like emotional gymnastics. He will rest his head on my lap while stroking Sophia’s hair. He will play with Sophia’s fingers then try to kiss me. He will call her “Babe” and then turn around and call me “Babe” too. I started resisting, almost flinching whenever he touched me. So we talked and agreed on boundaries. That we will never be intimate in front of the other person. Sophia had desires I could not wrap my mind around. She wanted the three of us together. Doing it. I shut that down immediately.

I have come to love Darius so much but my spirit wants to run from the relationship. I like Sophia as a person too. She could have been a very great friend had it not been for Darius. When I confessed to Sophia that I wanted to leave the relationship because it does not get comfortable, she begged me to stay. She said, “Please do not leave. It will break Darius. He loves you more than me.”

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

Her words wrapped around my neck like a rope. I feel trapped between two people who genuinely care for me but in ways that tear my soul apart. I want to leave but I also want to win. I want Darius to myself but I do not want to lose Sophia either. I want peace but all I get is chaos dressed as love.

I want to know: Apart from walking away, what can I do to win in this situation? How does a woman win when the game was rigged from the start? I am losing myself softly. Slowly. Quietly. And no one, not even Darius, can see it.

—Efua

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