update: I feel guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for my colleagues

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who felt guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for her colleagues? Here’s the update.

First, I want to say whole-heartedly that I really valued all of the advice offered, and the various ways in which my anxiety about retiring was reframed helped me move forward and quiet the guilt I was feeling. Thank you all for all of the advice, and for taking the time and putting together your thoughts to offer it.

I did retire. I fended off all urges to stay for just a little while longer (“just to get past this hard part”). I quieted pleas from colleagues who claimed they couldn’t possibly get along without me. I accepted accolades and parties, and crying and laughing when people said kind things or shared stories. (Apparently, I’m a hoot.) It was lovely. But I’ve been saying for years that I never want to be so indispensable to the organization that it would stumble even a bit if I left. (No person in a large organization should ever be that indispensable — that is incredibly fragile!) I was able to soothe my colleagues’ fears and did whatever I could to lift them up. I had more drop-in advice sessions and quickly scheduled coffees and meetings than ever before … which was fine, because I didn’t have much to do in that last month. Work had been passed on, and was already being managed very well.

One of the practices I got into the habit of doing in those last few weeks was to write what I called “love letters” on behalf of my closest and most respected colleagues — generally people I had worked with often, on challenging puzzles or the Very Weird Situations that had grown to be my specialty. It was therapeutic to take time to write to them (and copy their supervisors), to name their strengths and share my confidence that they are great administrators, and thank them for specific contributions to work we had done together. I know one of those unsolicited messages made it into a promotion packet; others were included in annual performance feedback (and arguments for the modest pay increases we received). I received several letters from the supervisors (whom I also generally know) thanking me and wishing me well. Yay!

I did this for a few reasons, but most importantly, I was mindful of the advice/commentary from AAM readers: my retirement would make way for talented people in the next generation to grow in their work. I was already mindful of that: my transition plan involved working with my colleagues and supervisor to study and reorganize my work and that created opportunities for promotion and growth for several colleagues. (All of which, as far as I know, are being remunerated.) I made myself available for questions, but my colleagues challenged themselves to work things out without ever having to call on me…and they didn’t. At all. “We’ve got this!” was their motto — and they did. I won’t lie and say that wasn’t bittersweet … but gee. They were having fun!

I know it’s been hard for them, though. I’m very grateful that decisions about promotions and so on were made before I left, because immediately following, budget cuts were announced and my position will not be refilled. Some projects will slow down, but not cease entirely; others might get shuffled and changed (and my absence makes that easier). Friends still reach out on a new Teams channel, where we are sharing conversations about pets, crafts, hiking, and recipes.

My life after my last day? Reading, napping, projects, longer dog walks, travel, consulting side-hustle … recalibrating my blood pressure and energy level, recognizing that life is different without constant work-related anxiety. Letting go of low-stakes irritations. No new projects, other than to ramp up efforts to fight fascism and read my way through the long lists of books banned or proposed for banning in schools (and attend discussions about that). I’m figuring it out, but not making commitments to any specific charitable organizations (seems like work) or seeking other employment (see above). I’ve got a great therapist, wonderful partner, and lovely friends, so I think I’ll get there. It’s still a bit amorphous, but I’m enjoying the change.

The post update: I feel guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for my colleagues appeared first on Ask a Manager.