Married Men and the Audacity I Will Never Understand

What is it about married men and their audacity that I just cannot understand?

It all started like this. I was a cleaner at a company for three months. When my contract ended, I had to leave and look for other jobs. It is hard, you know, to start all over again. One day, as I was looking, I just passed by the place I used to work. Just for old times’ sake, I went in.

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There was a man in that same company who was surprised to see me. He asked why it had been so long since he last saw me. I smiled and told him I was done with my contract, so I had to look for something else. I went around saying hello to the workers there, to those who liked me and even to those who never liked to see me coming with my mop. When I was done and walking out, he asked for my contact. I did not hesitate to give it to him. Maybe, I thought, he could help me get another contract or some work somewhere.

He tried to beep me so I could save his number, but the beep did not go through. So I was unable to get his contact.

Now, in that same place where I used to work, there is a driver for the company. He is my best friend. We are very good friends. It is a bit confusing, but let me explain. The man who asked about me in the office later asked my driver friend if he knew anyone who was looking for a job. He said he could recommend someone. And my friend recommended me.

I mean, God really works in mysterious ways. Can you imagine? He wasn’t able to get my contact himself, and then, boom, he got it through my friend. It felt like it was meant to be, like it was God’s plan for us to meet again.”

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So the driver gave him my name and gave me his number so we could talk about the way forward. Up to now, it still surprises me. We all have friends in our inboxes looking for jobs, but the driver thought of me first. I suppose you never know. Anyway, it felt like fate.

So we started chatting, and then we started dating. That was around February. Up until December, everything was okay. I knew my place. I was the side, and I accepted that. I knew when to call and when not to. It worked. But then December came, when almost everyone was going home, and families and friends were making plans for reunions. That is when things changed.

My boyfriend travelled to Kenya without letting me know. That is what hurt me—just because he did not bother to tell me. That is when it became clear: his family comes first. He is married, after all. And this is a man who takes all his salary home to his family.

I am not money-oriented, but what I know is that men at least leave something for their girlfriends during the Christmas season. I was hurt that he travelled without a word. It meant I was nothing to him in all those months we spent together. I had to find out from the driver.

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Dear brothers and sisters, He is coming back this January to South Sudan from Kenya. I am afraid I won’t be able to love him like I used to because of this disappointment. I feel like I was just a small part of a life he never really shared with me.

—Katie

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