I Work as a Midwife and Contracted HIV in the Line of Duty

I am a midwife with close to fourteen years of experience. I studied midwifery directly, so I went to school specifically for that and have been working as one ever since. About four years ago, I took a transfer from my previous hospital to work at a new health centre. Unlike the district hospital I came from, this was a smaller facility, and I was placed in charge of the maternity unit.

Things were going well. We were getting more members of the community to come in, and we even went into town to let people know the centre was open. Then I met a client during her labour. She had been attending antenatal care elsewhere but had moved to be near her mother, so she came to us. Of course, when a patient arrives, the first thing you do is check their antenatal book to review their labs and make sure everything is in order.

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As I looked through her book, I noticed her HIV status had not been recorded. I asked her about it, and she explained that at her previous clinic, one test came back negative and another positive. It left her confused, and with all the back and forth, it seems her former midwife forgot to repeat the test. Now she was in labour and at my facility.

Since she was due for delivery, I repeated the HIV test right away. The result was positive. This was especially difficult because if she had been on medication earlier, it could have suppressed the viral load and allowed her baby to be born HIV free. But now, during labour, the risk was very high.

A lot happened during her delivery. When the baby’s head began to crown, I asked her to stop pushing, to calm down and allow me to check if the cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. It is a standard procedure. But in that moment, the woman raised her buttocks off the bed. I am quite short, and as she lifted herself, her lower body was positioned directly above my face. Without warning, she pushed with all her strength. The amniotic fluid, blood, and the baby itself rushed out straight toward me. There was no warning whatsoever. I stood there trying to understand what had just happened. These things happen, yes. But in her case, she was HIV positive, and what just happened could turn my life upside down.

I was drenched from head to toe. It entered my mouth, my eyes, even through my scrubs. Although I tried to spit it out, I knew I had swallowed some of her blood.

After such an exposure, medication needs to be taken immediately, within 72 hours. But because I was in a new health centre without those drugs on hand, I had to go to another facility. By the time I was able to access the first dose, it was already too late. The woman’s viral load was very high, and I became infected.

Three years ago, I started taking ARVs. Since then, it has been difficult. When I disclose my status to people, many simply withdraw. The men, they do not look at me the same way anymore. They look at me as if I am cursed, an abomination, a thing. And when men change, you know how mean they can get. I have had to endure it most of the time. They do not say why, but of course I know why. They just disappear, until you get the message and move on.

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I often wonder if there is anyone out there willing to understand, to see beyond my diagnosis, and to be with me. It would mean so much to be loved for who I am, not limited by being HIV positive.

Right now, I feel stuck. I am tempted to settle for someone who knows my status but is disrespectful, unkind, or emotionally unavailable, because I am afraid I may never find a partner who will genuinely love me and walk through life with me.

—Maame Nurse

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