I LOVE MY WIFE BUT I ALSO LOVE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND, HOW WILL MY MARRIAGE WORK?

I met Naana when she came to my workplace and I assisted her. We clicked Immediately. It was my first time meeting her but I felt so connected with her in a way that made me feel like I had known her all my life. We took each other’s numbers and kept in touch. The feelings we had for each were so strong that we didn’t waste time starting a relationship. Everything moved fast between us because the love I felt for her was true. With time I proposed, “I know our relationship is fairly new but I love you and I want to marry you.” She smiled, “I love you too, and I am all for us getting married but I am currently working on a project, so give me time to finish it before we start preparations.” I understood her perfectly and gave her all the time she needed. 

I am six years older than her so while I was facing a lot of pressure from my family to get married, she wasn’t under any pressure. I explained my situation to her, “I plan to get married in a year. I hope you will be ready by then.” She told me, “I will be ready by then. Let’s pray and hope things work out for the best.” We were very happy together until Naana told me about her best friend who happens to be a guy. I didn’t like the idea of the woman I want to marry having a male best friend, but I also didn’t want to come across as a possessive boyfriend. So I lied to her, “That’s cool, I don’t have a problem with you having male friends.” 

As our relationship progressed I tried to convince myself to accept the fact that it was okay for her to have a male best friend. But I couldn’t. When she finished her project she asked, “When are you coming to meet my family? You could start by visiting me at home and meeting my parents.” I said I needed some time to work a few things out. What I didn’t tell her was that there were other women in my life besides her. I wasn’t involved with them but I was studying them, in case things didn’t work out with Naana. No, that wasn’t my original plan. Naana was the only woman I wanted but after she told me about her male best friend, I decided to keep my options open. 

 She was very good to me, but I became inconsistent with her. I would be all over her one moment and shut her out the next moment. She didn’t know what was going on with me and looking back at that time, I don’t understand why I behaved like that toward her either. She fought to hold on to me, but I let my insecurities get in the way. There was no shuperu in the relationship, a decision we both made. She was not materialistic. She never showed interest in my money. She often encouraged me to take my Christian life seriously. She supported my dreams and prayed for me. Instead of appreciating her, I started feeling she deserved someone better. So I broke up with her in a messy way. 

You would think that after the breakup I would leave her alone but I didn’t. I kept in touch with her from time to time, especially after I realized that I was still in love with her. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together with her, I just wanted to keep her in my life. She entertained me for a while but eventually, she left the country and cut off all communication with me. I was miserable. I imagine that’s how it must feel for a drug addict to experience withdrawals.

I tried to respect her wishes and stay from her but I just couldn’t. By then too I was getting ready to marry someone else, but my life was incomplete without Naana in it. One day after work I called her, and she answered. My heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice. We switched the call to video and I saw her smile in a way that always captured my heart. “Are you seeing anyone?” I asked her. She nodded, “Yes, I have a boyfriend now.” I should have been okay with her answer but I wasn’t. I got jealous that she had another man in her life. 

 She is an intelligent woman so I always sought her opinion when it came to work and my projects. That day on the call, I presented her with a work call and asked her to assist me with it. She did, and I kept going back to ask for her help. It was a way to keep her close to me. One day I told her, “I miss you, Naana. I feel happy whenever I look at your photos.” She just said, “Stop doing that. You are making things uncomfortable.”

In November last year, I told her I was getting married. She took the news well and congratulated me. With a heavy heart, I confessed, “I still love you.” She went silent and the awkwardness stretched on for minutes before she spoke, “Seriously, you need to stop this especially now that you are getting married.” I said okay because I didn’t want to risk losing her again.

Now, I am married to a beautiful and kind-hearted lady yet I still yearn for Naana. Less than two months into my marriage, I reestablished contact with her and professed my love for her. She makes me happy, even though she is not around. When I call her, she tells me she doesn’t want to wreck my marriage, so I should let her go. In all sincerity, I cannot let her go. Her beauty, intelligence, smile, and sense of humour kill me. I text her kisses and ‘I love yous’ but she ignores me. Recently, she suggested that we fast and pray for me so that I can concentrate on my marriage. We did it but it didn’t work. I want to believe she still has feelings for me as I do for her. 

My issue is, how long will my feelings for her stay in my heart? How can I love both women and make my marriage work? I feel jealous when I think of another man touching Naana but here is the case that I don’t have any right to. I love her as much as I love my wife. I have managed to convince her to be involved in my projects just so I can keep her around me. She called me selfish. And I’m not proud of my actions but I can’t help it. Please I need help. Don’t judge me too much. Naana is an avid reader on this platform and I’m sure she would be reading the comments too.

—Adjei,