After two miscarriages, this couple discovered that only 1% of his sperm was viable. Just before they went for IVF, God came through.

Twenty years ago, Indonesian private banker Edy Panggabean migrated to Singapore for work. His newly-wed wife Yuli Maria followed him and they made Singapore their home.

Newly-weds Edy and Yuli moved to Singapore and made it their home 20 years ago.

They settled down in New Life Community Church, and for the last two decades, Yuli has been serving in its children’s church.

A heart for children 

“I always loved children and started serving in the children’s ministry back in Indonesia since I was 13 years old,” said Yuli, 48.

Yuli served in children’s church at New Life Community Church for the last two decades, with the last two years as its children’s church pastor.

It would come as no surprise then that Yuli had always wanted children of her own since she was young.

When she was in her teens, while her friends were busy hanging out in shopping centres or other haunts, she was in church diligently attending marriage and parenting seminars. She also hungrily devoured parenting books – the teenage Yuki’s favourite books at the time were not The Hunger Games or Twilight series, but parenting books written by Dr James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family.

“Growing up, I witnessed how there were not much models of happy marriages in my extended family. But I also saw how my church Pastor treated his wife and children, and I really aspired to have a family like that,” said Yuli.

Comments that seeded fear 

Unfortunately, her menstruation had been irregular since it first started when she was nine years old.

Whenever she confided in her mother about missing a period and only having one every two to three months, her mother invariably remarked: “Aiyah, then it will be difficult for you to have children next time.”

Being the chatty sort, her mother also freely shared about her daughter’s issues with friends and family, even the vegetable seller at the market.

“She said it to others in front of me. To her, it was just a casual remark. But to me, I began believing what she said,” Yuli told Salt&Light.

Yuli’s mother and father.

From then on, whenever Yuli missed her period, her mind would be assailed by worrisome thoughts. 

“I would remember what my mother said, consciously or subconsciously. It made me feel that there was something wrong with my body. I was anxious about whether I would be able to have children in future,” she said.

When Yuli married her husband in 2005, they did not actively try for children.

“I was 27 years old then and we wanted to just enjoy our marriage for the first two years,” she said.

Two miscarriages in a row 

One year after marriage, however, she found herself pregnant. The gynaecologist confirmed her pregnancy after doing a blood test. Yet a “big blob of blood” came out of her when she was in the toilet one day – she had miscarried.

“I took it lightly and moved on quickly, thinking that our plan was just to enjoy our marriage for now and that maybe we are just not ready,” said Yuli.

Seven months later, she found herself pregnant again. This time, she had her hopes up as she felt more prepared to have a baby then.

A few weeks later, she experienced heavy bleeding and lost the baby once again.

“The gynae told us that miscarriages are quite common. I felt fine, thinking I was still young and I could just try again,” said Yuli.

They tried for a child in subsequent years but did not succeed.

“I was confused and wondered what was going on. What’s wrong with me? I started to recall what my mum said in the past – that it will be hard for me to get pregnant because of my irregular periods,” said Yuli.

The hospital doctor prescribed Yuli some fertility supplements. She also had to go through many womb and vaginal checks which she hated.

She said: “We thought the problem was with me. I think my relatives and aunties in church also all assumed that the problem lies with the woman. I believed it.”

“Impossible” to conceive naturally 

But a fertility check revealed that it was her husband’s sperm that was the issue – only 1% of his sperm was found to be normal.

“It is going to be impossible to conceive naturally,” the doctor told them.

Yuli’s heart ached.

“Why is this happening? Why me? You know I love children,” Yuli asked God.

Her husband was also crushed by the news and his confidence was deeply affected.

Since it was “impossible” for them to conceive naturally, the fertility doctor suggested they go for Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), where the sperm is injected into the womb during ovulation to increase chances of pregnancy.

In 2008, Yuli went through her first artificial insemination procedure. It was a painful process for her – both physically and emotionally.

She was assigned a male fertility doctor and his physical checks on her triggered memories of her childhood trauma. Unknown to the doctor, she had been molested by a close relative when she was seven years old.

“I had nightmares as the past memories surfaced. I woke up in the middle of the night and kept crying and crying. We later changed to a female doctor,” said Yuli.

After going through such an ordeal for the first procedure, her disappointment was palpable when she had her period the following month. It meant that the attempt had failed.

They steeled themselves to try again. They had to wait for another three months – to prepare Yuli body and ensure that she was ovulating – before the next attempt.

They then went through insemination a second time and waited a month for the results. That also failed.

Scheduled for IVF the following year

Their doctor suggested to them to try In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) next, as she felt there was not much of a point to continue trying IUI for a third time, given the failure of the previous two attempts. 

“I was devastated. I just felt so exhausted with all the trying and I cried so much,” Yuli recalled.

“I just kept asking God ‘Why?’ It was just not fair. There are so many women getting pregnant easily when they don’t even want children. But I love children and have been serving in children’s church since my teens.

“I don’t remember Him saying anything particular to me during this period, except for Him saying ‘I love you a lot’,” she added.

One night, she saw her husband lying prostrate in prayer on the floor of their guest bedroom.

“He prayed with such a deep desperation that my heart broke. I have never seen him like that before as he is usually not very expressive. We learnt to surrender more and more of ourselves to God,” said Yuli.

With the spectre of infertility haunting them, however, intimacy was no longer enjoyable.

“It became more of a duty and at times, we didn’t even want to try because we are afraid of the pain and disappointment,” Yuli admitted.

Weary from all the trying and from shouldering the burden of expectations both from herself and others, Yuli felt like running away to be alone.

The thought of having to go through the scheduled IVF the next year – which had a 14% probability of success in their case – was daunting and overwhelming.

Yuli asked to go with her husband when he went for his business trip in Jakarta in June 2009, so she could have a break.

She left ahead for Jakarta and found herself alone that weekend as her husband was only due to join her there later. That Sunday, she went to JPCC Church – previously her husband’s home church.

Yuli went to a JPCC church service in Jakarta by herself one Sunday morning.

During the worship session, Yuli poured her heart out to God and released all her feelings of disappointment, sorrow and despair to Him.

That day, the Pastor preached about having a vision and daring to dream with God.

“Imagine one thing that you really want more than any other thing you want in this world. The one thing that you really want God to give you,” the Pastor said to the congregation.

“Envision yourself accepting it from God, and believe it,” he added.

While weeping, Yuli imagined herself rubbing her big pregnant belly. There was nothing else she desired other than to have her own child.

A vision from God 

In that moment, she had a vision of a few children around her and she was running alongside them.

“I knew it was from God because there was a conviction in my heart that I had already received it,” said Yuli, adding that she cried non-stop the whole service.

When she returned to Singapore a few weeks later, she started to experience nausea and vomited badly. This was unusual for her, so she took a pregnancy test.

It came out positive. Wanting to be sure, she tested with two other kits and the results were the same.

Immediately, Edy and Yuli booked an appointment with their doctor. The doctor could not find the baby’s heartbeat and told them to come back again the following week.

That week, both of them “prayed like crazy”.

At their next appointment, the doctor scanned for the baby. When they saw the baby’s heart and heard its heartbeat, Edy broke down.

Yuli, however, did not show any emotion when her gynaecologist congratulated her. She was too afraid to be disappointed again.

It was only at her checkup at Week 20 when she saw the foetus “really shaped like a human baby”, that she burst into tears. She realised that she was really pregnant.

An ultrasound scan picture of the baby in Yuli”s womb.

“Calculating back, I was likely already 1 to 2 weeks pregnant when God gave me the vision at the church service. I knew it was a miracle from God because medically, they said it was impossible to conceive naturally and I had already experienced two miscarriages before,” Yuli told Salt&Light.

“The fact that God gave me a baby naturally – after two failed IUI attempts and before going for IVF – showed his miraculous power,” she added.

On April 8, 2010, their baby Jordan Kezia Panggabean was born. Her name was inspired by Job’s daughter Kezia from the Bible, whose name they felt meant a “beautiful inheritance” from God.

The birth of Jordan Kezia Panggabean in 2010.

Full of gratitude that God had given her a beautiful daughter, Yuli focused on enjoying her new season of motherhood.

Yuli enjoying her new season as a mother.

She did not think about or actively try for a second baby, in the event it entailed having to go through IVF.

But about a year and three months later, she found herself – naturally – pregnant again.

A heavily pregnant Yuli with her firstborn Jordan.

On April 12, 2012, Gianna Naomi Panggabean was born.

“Gianna means grace. I didn’t expect Him to be so gracious to me,” said Yuli.

Jordan with her newly born sister, Gianna.

Yuli’s dream since she was young was to have three children, but she did not pray about it as she knew their medical situation.

“We thought we would only actively try for a third child the following year, because I was just so tired with two young children,” said Yuli, who experienced nausea throughout all her pregnancies.

Life with two children.

When Gianna was eight months old, Yuli finally went to the dentist to fix all of her problematic teeth. Due to her bad nausea, she was not able to consume enough calcium during her pregnancy, resulting in her baby leeching the calcium reserves in her teeth.

That morning, she felt the all-too-familiar sensation of nausea coming over her again. Sensing something was up, she went to buy a pregnancy test kit while waiting to pay at the dentist.

In the dentist’s bathroom she saw the familiar two lines indicating a positive result on the pregnancy test kit.

Crying, she called her husband: “Honey, I am pregnant again. I am so tired.”

He was overjoyed at the news. Their gynaecologist at Mount Elizabeth Hospital was so amazed at them having multiple children that she called it “a miracle”.

On October 21, 2013, their third baby Victoria Annabelle Panggabean was born.

Victoria, with her two sisters.

“I only asked for one child, but God gave me three, so the meaning of her name is ‘beautiful victory’,” said Yuli.

“After that, I said to God, I have enough (children),” said Yuli with a laugh. She prayed about it and felt the peace to go ahead to tie her tubes during the Caesarean section operation for her third baby.

Her three daughters are growing up beautifully.

Today, Jordan is 15 years old, Gianna 13 and Victoria is 12. All of them are serving in children’s church now. Yuli and Edy are now family and relationship Pastors in New Life Community Church. For two years before this, Ps Yuli served as the children church’s Pastor.

Pastor Yuli dressing up as Mantis from Guardian of Galaxy during their church’s superhero-themed family day. Here, she was preaching alongside with her daughter.

Looking back at her own journey, Ps Yuli has a cautionary word for parents.

“Be careful with what you say to your children. When you say something over and over to them, they may believe it and it may come to pass like a prophecy. Speak life and blessings into their lives instead,” she advised.

Yuli and her husband Edy being ordained as children’s church pastors two years ago, with their three daughters joining them on stage.

She has also gained some valuable lessons from her own season of waiting. Apart from waiting to have children, she also had a recent drawn-out episode with illness.

Five years ago, she was found to have an abnormal heart beat. She went through six procedures and surgeries in total, and suffered a stroke along the way, but her condition did not improve.

Yuli being visited by her three daughters while warded in hospital for her heart condition.

Last year, however, Ps Yuli was suddenly healed of the condition.

“Instead of asking ‘why’ questions like I used to, I have learnt to ask different questions. Since God allowed this in my life, what is it that God wants me to embrace from it?” she said.

“God has shown me without a doubt that He is good, He is faithful and He keeps His promises,” she added.

A recent family photo.

Having had breakthroughs in these areas of her life, she is certain that the calling that God has for her lies in the area of serving families and children. She and her husband mentor couples in various stages of their life – whether soon-to-be married, recently-married or after they have children – and they run parenting courses.

Pastor Yuli and Pastor Edy mentoring another younger couple.

Pastor Edy coaching others in a parenting class.

For those who are still waiting upon God for children or for other breakthroughs in their lives, Ps Yuli has this word of encouragement for them.

“Trust God and surrender it to Him. Trust that He has the best and perfect plans for you because He is not only good and sovereign, but He is also the God of miracles who turns the impossible into possibilities.

“Don’t compare yourself with others. We don’t know God’s timeline, but we know God’s heart. He is still good, even in the waiting.”

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The post After two miscarriages, this couple discovered that only 1% of his sperm was viable. Just before they went for IVF, God came through. appeared first on Salt&Light.