When Push Came To Shove, My Boyfriend Asked Me To Date His Brother

I met Joshua and his elder brother, Ransford, at an event at a church. The two were seated together when I joined them. We had fun talking and getting to know each other. Joshua was the loudest. He was the one who wanted to know everything about me and asked plenty of questions while his elder brother sat and watched. When we were leaving, his elder brother asked me, “Can we talk sometime?”

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I was surprised he was the one asking for my number and not Joshua. When I mentioned my number, it was Joshua who typed it into his phone while his elder brother watched. In the evening, I received a call. He said his name was Ransford. “I called to say hi.”

While we talked, I could hear Joshua in the background telling his brother to extend his greetings. The conversation didn’t last long, but it lasted long enough for me to know they wanted to be friends. A few days later, it was Joshua who called. When I asked about Ransford, he said he had traveled back to Germany. I asked, “Oh, he doesn’t live here?” He answered, “No, he lives in Germany and comes home once in a while.”

The calls didn’t stop between Joshua and me. He called, texted, and made me feel like a friend I’d always known. We went out one day, and while we were there, Ransford called on video. We talked and made jokes just like the first day we met. He said he’d missed me. I said I’d missed him too and asked when he was coming back to Ghana. He responded, “Soon. It won’t be long at all.”

While I consistently talked to and met with Joshua, Ransford also called once in a while from Germany. One day, Joshua proposed. It felt like a very natural progression of our friendship because we’d been through all the phases. I accepted his proposal, and we started dating.

Joshua is the jovial and easy-going type. He’s also a lover of fun and didn’t mind us roaming around Accra having fun until daybreak. I liked his spirit and the way he chose to show his love for me.

One day, I received money from Ransford. He called later to tell me it was just a token for me to buy anything I wanted. I loved it and thanked him profusely. Later, I told Joshua about it, and he said, “Oh, he told me he was going to send you something. I’m happy he did.”

When I asked why Ransford thought he should send me money, Joshua said, “Aren’t you guys friends too? My brother is kind like that.”

Honestly, I was unsettled by his answer and also by the reason Ransford gave for sending the money. I asked Joshua, “Does he know we are dating?” He answered, “If he doesn’t know now, he’ll soon know.”

Everything was fine between us until one day he said Ransford was coming back to Ghana. We had dated for almost a year and had fought over nothing. We spent weekends together, either at my place or his. We went on trips and made love in crazy places. Before he told me Ransford was coming, I’d already received a message from Ransford that he was on his way.

A few weeks before he arrived, Ransford called consistently, making plans with me and asking what I wanted. Whatever he told me, I told Joshua. One day Joshua said, “I think my brother likes you, looking at how he’s calling and planning with you.” I answered, “I suspected it, that’s why I told you to tell him we were dating.” He answered, “No worries. He can have you.”

I was like, “How? What are you talking about? It’s you I want, not him.”

I thought he spoke out of jealousy, so I went all out assuring him of my undying love. He said, “He’s my brother. I don’t mind if you choose him over me. I won’t even let him know we dated.”

I was furious. I felt disrespected. “You think I’ll leave you for him because he’s from abroad? What do you take me for?” He smiled, typically Joshua, making serious things feel like a joke. He said, “I share everything with him. We don’t fight over things, so I wouldn’t mind at all if this time he wants the woman I also want.”

I brushed him off and asked him to cut the jokes and be serious for once. Then Ransford texted. He asked why I was being difficult and asked if I didn’t trust him to love me the best way I wanted to be loved. I asked, “Where is this coming from, and where is it going?” He answered, “Joshua tells me everything you tell him about my proposal.”

I stopped texting and called Joshua. “What’s going on?”

So, the story was this: the very first day we met, Ransford wanted me but couldn’t say it. When he asked for my number, his phone was off, which is why Joshua typed it into his phone. And because Ransford was leaving the next day, he asked Joshua to “get” me for him. Joshua told him I was in a serious relationship leading to marriage. Because of that, Ransford backed off. The day Ransford sent me money, he did it to buy my attention because Joshua had told him I needed money.

The whole story didn’t make sense coming from Ransford. It meant Joshua had been lying to him while keeping me for himself. That was why Joshua was trying to push me toward Ransford when he said he was coming. Am I making sense?

So I asked Joshua, “Was this a game to you, or did you truly love me?” He couldn’t give me any sensible answer. But then, not to keep Ransford hoping, I told him the truth. He was hurt. So hurt he called his brother a traitor and even told me Joshua didn’t love me if he could pull that trick. I told him, “I know. That’s the sad thing.”

I pulled away from them. Ransford came to Ghana and spent over two weeks, but I didn’t see him or even answer his texts. All that while, Joshua kept ignoring me, but that was fine with me. I knew I would heal from the deceit.

Ransford has been gone for two months. No communication has existed between the three of us since. I had healed a little and was limping along when Joshua appeared. “I’m back to make things right. I’ve resolved things with my brother. He understands. Why don’t we take it from where we left off?”

He looked like a devil I should be without. But after him coming and going consistently, and after speaking with Ransford, who was urging me to take him back because he was fine with it, my heart is gradually falling for Joshua again. I feel like what put us asunder has been resolved, so we can begin again. But my mind tells me, “Don’t forget the lies so soon. A seed of lies can’t grow the truth in the future.”

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So it’s a battle between the head and the heart. “The harm has already been done,” my heart tells me, but my head says, “It’s done and will continue if you allow it.”

Where do I go, the head or the heart? Hmm.

—Doris

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