Top 10 Ways to Know If You're Compatible

It’s easy to think someone is just perfect for you when you’re in the first stages of dating. At that point, you’re each on your best behavior and are showing your most charming, desirable sides, while keeping your less attractive qualities under wraps. Your interactions are probably suffused with that exciting, beautiful New Relationship Energy people love to talk about. Slowly, though, the truth will reveal itself, and you might find you are less compatible than it first seemed. How do you prevent this coming out months — or even years — down the line? RELATED: New Relationship Don'ts You Should Avoid Well, here are 10 ways to know if you’re compatible, right from the early stages: 1. You Agree on the Big Issues You don’t have to have identical opinions and tastes, but on big, important issues like religion, politics and your general life goals, you’re going to need agreement and understanding, if not the exact same positions. It’s generally pretty heavy to cover these topics on the first date, but you should spend the early stages of getting to know each other uncovering some of their stances on these issues, because you don’t want to find out that you have completely different values after you’ve been dating for months and they’ve met your whole family. 2. You Have Ways to Resolve Conflicts Sometimes healthy conflict resolution takes time to work out together, but if your relationship fights look like screaming arguments and you’re having tearful misunderstandings right from the jump, this could be a sign you don’t have long-term compatibility. If you can’t have disagreements without resorting to personal attacks or yelling at each other, or, worse, you can’t resolve matters after you’ve had less-than-mature arguments, you might need to find someone with whom you’ll enjoy a more peaceful state. On the flip side, if you go too long without ever disagreeing on anything, that can be a bad sign too. Figuring out how to disagree without it devolving into a real fight and resolving conflicts in a healthy way is a hugely important relationship skill, and if you have that down in the early going, that’s a great sign. RELATED: Why Never Fighting Is Actually a Red Flag 3. You Feel Strong Chemistry Physical attraction isn’t everything, and strong relationships can be forged even if there aren’t exactly fireworks right from the start. But you should feel some kind of spark when you are around your (potential) significant other; whether that’s in the form of wanting to rip their clothes off, laugh at everything they say or talk to them until the wee hours, you need to have some warm fuzzies to remind you why you want to hang around when the going gets a bit rougher. 4. You Can Live Together Harmoniously Ultimately, for long-term relationships, you’re likely to want to live together at some point. It’s not always easy right at the beginning of a relationship to know if you’ll be able to live together, but there are definitely some warning signs to pay attention to: are you an absolute neat freak, while they leave their clothes strewn everywhere? Do you steadfastly refuse to cook or clean, or do they? Pay attention to these early signs to determine whether you might be able to cohabitate one day. RELATED: Boundaries to Set With Your Partner Before Moving in Together 5. You Share at Least Some Interests Again, you don’t need to be twins or mirror images of each other, but it really helps to gel a relationship together if there are certain activities you like doing together. It could be anything from watching movies together to playing sports, or even just hanging around chatting and drinking beer, but if you’re constantly away from each other doing different activities — or if you can’t stand the things the other person likes doing with their time — the forecast for the future might not be so sunny. 6. Neither of You Takes Minor Things Too Seriously for the Other Compatible couples don’t tear apart at the seams as soon as there’s a minor issue at hand. Sometimes one or both of you will say thoughtless things, or leave dishes in the sink or forget an anniversary. These are crappy things that should be apologized for, but they shouldn’t be deal breakers or cause endless tirades of “I knew you didn’t care about me!” or “You’re always so selfish!” Both of you will need some ability to forgive and move on from minor infractions, and if you can do this from the start, that’s a strong sign. 7. You Both Put Energy Into Regenerating the Relationship This is one that takes a little bit more time to determine, but when things have become a bit routine between the two of you, is your partner making an effort to spice things up or make sure you’re still interested? Are you? We’re fed a narrative about relationships in movies and pop culture that landing a partner is the hard part, and then the rest is easy. It’s nonsense: even fun relationships between deeply compatible people require emotional work, regular maintenance and renewed energy from the participants. RELATED: Lies Pop Culture Taught Us About Love & Romance If one or both of you seems content to let things go stale, fester or otherwise stagnate, that’s not a great sign that you’re set up for the long haul. 8. Your Friends & Family Like Them (and Vice Versa) Sometimes the people close to us have better compatibility radars than we do for ourselves. If your friends and family are making comments like “you two are so cute together!” or “when is your new partner coming around again?” that’s a great sign. Conversely, signs of disapproval — although they’ll likely be more subtle — are an important cue, too. If the important people in your life don’t seem super excited by your new significant other, that could be a sign that they see a mismatch that you haven’t identified yet. Of course, it may just be a sign that they’re reserving judgment (or that they’re distracted by stuff going on in their own lives), but a distinctly muted response might be a useful opportunity to ask them if they have any reservations about the relationship. RELATED: When Your Family & Friends Dislike Your Partner 9. You’re Factoring Them Into Your Future You don’t tend to imagine buying a dog and designing a house from scratch with someone that you’re fundamentally incompatible with. Sure, we all fall head over heels for people who aren’t right for us occasionally, but if you’re making long-term plans and imagining a future with your new partner, it probably means things are going well, and that you’re a good match. 10. You Don’t Want Them to Leave Time apart in relationships is healthy — let’s clear that up. However, strong partnerships are built on a fundamental liking of one another, and enjoyment of each other’s company. It’s natural, in a good relationship, to feel pangs of longing when one of you is on holiday without the other, and to miss each other when you’re separated. If separation fills you with relief rather than mild discomfort, that’s a red flag, and you might need to keep searching for someone you want near you more often. Compatibility really comes down to a few fundamental components: shared values, mature conflict resolution, liking each other and treating each other with respect. If any of these factors are lacking a few months in, you may not be the best match for one another, but if you’re saying a resounding “yes!” to all of these signs, congratulations: you’re onto a good thing! You Might Also Dig: The Difference Between Attraction & Compatibility Relationship Mistakes That Strong Couples Don't Make Problematic Relationship Behaviors We Need to Stop Romanticizing