“There are no bad children, only children in bad environments”: How Care Club helps children of inmates break the cycle

When Sean (not his real name) first joined Care Club, the 10-year-old was the life of the party. He brought joy and laughter to adults and children alike.

But he would not talk about his family, especially his father.

If he ever mentioned the man, he would badmouth him and become angry. As it turned out, he was hiding feelings of guilt and shame behind his smiles, as his father had been imprisoned for drug-related crimes.

As his mentor counselled him, Sean became more accepting of the fact that his father was incarcerated.

It helped that Sean was not alone. The other children at Care Club, whom he saw every week, also had a parent in prison.

At Care Club, children of inmates and ex-offenders meet others like themselves. This helps them to realise they are not alone.

This is what Care Club does: create a safe space for children (up to Secondary School) of inmates.

Since 2008, the Family Care Ministry arm of Prison Fellowship Singapore (PFS) has been offering love, care and support through programmes in four areas: physical, emotional, spiritual and educational.

Robin Low, 32, an Integrated Ministry Care Manager with Care Club, told Salt&Light that journeying with Sean was a long-term process.

“It wasn’t just a one-time talking that helped him,” he said. “It took two to three years to see the change.”

Making heart connections

The Care Club programme includes weekly Saturday meetings helmed by Care Club staff and volunteers. As one session per week is not enough contact time for the children, volunteer mentors also conduct regular check-ins during the week.

Robin (holding the ball) with the children of Care Club. Robin has always loved working with children and was actively involved in his church’s children’s ministry.

Such connections are necessary because unless the children trust the adults placed to help them, they will not be forthcoming, said Robin.

He shared an example of a boy who was rebellious and would often use vulgar language with his mother at home.

“He became very curious about vaping. He requested me to get a vape for him. It was good that he asked me,” said Robin.

But before Robin could counsel him further, he received a call from the boy’s mother. The school had found a vaping device in his school bag.

“We took action immediately. We went to his home to talk to him and help him realise the consequences of vaping. When we told him that vaping could harm the people around him, he threw the vaping device away,” said Robin.

At Care Club, children get to enjoy activities that engage both their minds and bodies.

Beyond the connection, it also takes an understanding of heart concerns to reach the children. Jessika Priyadarsiny, 36, also an Integrated Ministry Care Manager with Care Club, shared the story of a 10-year-old boy she worked with who had anger issues.

“One thing in anger management is to identify what in the environment is causing the triggers,” she explained. So, she set out to find out his triggers during her home visits with him.

As she “peeled away layer after layer” of his story, she discovered that the boy had been bullied when he was younger. Appearing fierce was his way of standing up to his bullies.

Jessika uses her past experience working with children with special needs to reach out to the children of Care Club.

“I tried to get him to understand that for the children at the Care Club, this is their safe space,” said Jessika.

“He didn’t realise that the bullies were different from the Care Club children, and that not everyone is a bully, that he didn’t have to shout at everyone to get his point across.”

She taught him self-calming techniques like breathing exercises and counting to 10, as well as how to detect his triggers.

Robin (standing, left) and Jessika (standing, right) work with volunteer mentors to minister to the children of Care Club.

“We have seen God’s providence again and again. When we pray for a breakthrough with the child or the family, we get to witness God’s intervention through us during family visits,” she said.

“Sometimes, we don’t know how to help and then suddenly He gives an idea to meet their needs.”

Caring for the caregivers 

Aiming to provide holistic care, Care Club also provides tuition for the children who need academic help, and short-term financial aid. PFS also ministers to their parents, both the ones in prison and the ones left at home.

Caring for the children’s parents is important as the families of those incarcerated face a lot pressure, said Robin.

The children get exposed to different skills, such as playing the ukulele, at Care Club.

“When an incarcerated member goes to prison, the family has maybe six children. The mother becomes the sole breadwinner. It’s really tough for the mother to put food on the table with six children seeking the attention of one caregiver,” he explained.

“If the caregiver is stressed, or has mental and emotional problems, it will overflow to the child. There are no bad children, only children in bad environments.”

He added that if children cannot find love in the family, they are more likely to seek love outside of it, making them more vulnerable to becoming youth-at-risk who are involved in gangs and criminal activities.

“So we care for the caregivers,” he said.

Robin (left) and Jessica (right) with a beneficiary of Care Club. Seeing God’s work in the ministry has made them realise even more that truly every child is precious in His sight.

It takes a village to raise a child

Understanding that it takes a village to raise a child, Care Club relies on volunteer mentors to provide the children with one-on-one attention. These mentors do more than listen; they model right behaviour for the children.

At Care Club, the children are taught that God loves them and that they can talk to Him in prayer.

Jessika said: “For example, they don’t really know how to manage their emotions, yet they don’t have a lot of good role models.

“It may be very normal (to them) to shout at people or scold people. If that is the environment that they grew up in, then to them it is normal, acceptable behaviour.

“So they need constant redirection and reminders. They can change. I see a lot of potential in them. They just need a lot of guidance.”

In raising mentors, Robin has seen God’s providence too.

“Manpower is one of the issues with this ministry. We prayed that God will move hearts. God actually gave us more than we asked for,” he said.

“We asked for someone to fetch the kids, but we realised the volunteer was also good with kids. He then became a mentor.

“When we raise up our needs to churches, they also rally their own members to be our volunteers, creating a beacon of love for these children.”

PFS currently has 60 partner churches in the Family Care Ministry.

Care Club relies on sponsors and donors to provide the children with exposure to different activities, as well as visits to local attractions.

Organisations have also stepped up to give. Recently, Mandai Wildlife Reserve sponsored the children’s and volunteers’ visit to Bird Paradise and the Singapore Zoo.

“We are thankful and appreciate that the children are getting these experiences because most won’t be able to afford it,” said Jessika.

“It’s a reminder of God’s unconditional love, His goodness and His mercy. We repeatedly see His hand at work, see doors open when we pray.

“We see things happening and, more significantly, the children also see that, too.”

“BEYOND THE PRISON WALLS”: PRISON MINISTRY CONFERENCE 2024

To raise awareness for the cause of PFS, there will be a biennial PFS Prison Ministry Conference in July 2024.

This conference serves as a platform to engage, educate and encourage volunteers and supporters by discussing issues of prison ministry work, which goes beyond just the work with inmates and ex-offenders.

This year’s conference theme is “Beyond the Prison Walls”. The topics will focus on the aftercare journey and the impact of incarceration on families, particularly on children.

PFS welcomes all volunteers, supporters and friends to join them.

Speakers

Keynote speaker

Jackie Pullinger has been working with the poor in Hong Kong for over 50 years and has seen remarkable results as lives are changed, healed and restored through a relationship with Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit. Most of her work is with drug addicts, prostitutes, the homeless, young people and street children. She speaks worldwide on the plight of the poor of the earth. 

She is a missionary and author of Chasing the Dragon, a bestselling book that encapsulates her calling, ministry and service to those in the Walled City of Hong Kong.

Topical speakers

Karam Singh has served as a psychologist with the Ministry of Home Affairs since 1999. He is currently the Director of the Psychological & Correctional Rehabilitation Division of the Singapore Prison Service.

Pastor Kirk Tan oversees the Family Life Ministry at Covenant Evangelical Free Church. He founded the men’s ministry in his church, as well as the Men’s Ministry Network (MMN).  

Pastor Kirk’s passion is to see men secure in Christ, safe in a brotherhood and soaring for God.  A regular speaker, Kirk also co-authored a book, A Journey of Manhood, with MMN’s advisors, Ps Kay Kiong and Dr Geoff Gorsuch.

More details on the PFS Prison Ministry Conference

Date: July 27, 2024

Time: 9am-4pm

Venue: Bukit Panjang Methodist Church
               496 Upper Bukit Timah Road
               Singapore 678099

Cost: S$38 (including lunch and conference pack)

Click here to register.

About the organiser:
Prison Fellowship Singapore (PFS) is an inter-denominational Christian non-profit organisation that reaches out to prisoners, ex-offenders and their families in Singapore. 

It partners churches and volunteers to help men, women and their families in Singapore’s prison system before and during imprisonment, and upon release. 

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