The Way My Sister-in-Law Behaved After I Gave Birth Still Haunts Me

I’m in a state of confusion right now. I’m a married woman with a 3-year-old child and currently pregnant with my second. My mother passed away three weeks before I gave birth to my first child, so I had no one to help me during that time. It was my sister-in-law who came around—she had just finished school and was unemployed.

We contacted my mother-in-law, hoping she could come and help, but she said she couldn’t leave her teaching job, not even for one week.

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Because of my husband’s work, he was mostly not at home. After delivery, I asked my midwife to help bathe the baby, and she did that for two weeks. Then I continued on my own.

But the trouble I went through with my sister-in-law was something else. She wouldn’t cook, and even when she did, it was always late. She would leave used bowls for four days before washing them. She could sleep in the evening and wake up around noon the next day.

One time, I called a friend to come help me cook and put food in the freezer. My friend came in the afternoon while I was asleep. She met my sister-in-law, but instead of letting her help, my sister-in-law told her to go back home and come later when I woke up. Can you imagine?

I was just two weeks postpartum, and I had already started cooking and taking care of the baby myself. She talks about everything, and it was draining.

You might ask what my husband did. But he wasn’t around much, and she didn’t misbehave in front of him. I also didn’t want to complain.

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I am pregnant with my second child, and I keep thinking about what exactly is going to happen this time around. Now, my problem is this: I was hoping my aunty would come and help me this time when I give birth. But her daughter is also pregnant, and our due dates are close. So I’ve spoken to my midwife, and she’s agreed to let me stay at her place for one week after delivery. After that, I’ll go back to my husband’s house and manage on my own, even though our place is far from hers.

But I’m worried. If my husband finds out my aunty won’t be coming, I’m very sure he’ll try to bring his sister again. And I don’t want that. I don’t want history to repeat itself.

So how do I tell my husband clearly and respectfully that I don’t want his sister to come when I give birth?

—Angie

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