The Marriage Debate: Why Women Marry Early and Men Don’t

Fun fact: the concept of ‘marriage’ dates back 4,350 years.

Marriages have been explained to mean different things to different people over the years, however, the simplest definition of marriage is that it is a form of seal between two partners, a couple (a man and woman), who wish to spend a lifetime together, committed to each other and raising a family.

Although there is no written rule that states when a person is expected to be married, society has developed much more respect for married Nigerian couples than those who are single.

It is the desire of every parent to see their child(ren) married before they grow old; most times, these parents would pressure their children into finding a worthy lover.

However, much leniency is given to men than women when it comes to seeking out a lover and marrying. Nigerian society ties a woman’s identity to her success in building a home and her capabilities to sustain her family.

Being a spinster in Nigeria has proven to be difficult as pressure is mounted on women from different sectors (society, parents, peer pressure, and men)to marry early before they are no longer attractive in the eyes of men.

This rhetoric has birthed a popular church program named ‘Shiloh’ in the country, as it is often the service which all unmarried women attend in hopes of finding a man.

Women marry early to avoid so many complications, including health, as menopause often begins between 45 and 55 years old, barring women from procreating and starting a biological family with their husbands.

These women were raised to always marry early so they could be of use to their husbands. An archaic belief of marriage was that men and women did not marry for love but for procreation and the extension of legitimate lineages.

In Nigeria, women are believed to always find favour in the eyes of the man who would marry them and care for them, therefore making their individuality and desires obsolete as they would eventually end up as family home caregivers.

Scholarly Research on Why Women Marry Early

According to research by Paul Hemez, results show that men have always married later than women, except for some men who married early.

With the strong voice of feminism and the recognition of women beyond their matrimonial services, women are beginning to embrace individuality, such as creating a life and career for themselves before choosing to settle and marry, just as men.

While women are told to marry early, between the ages of 20 and 25, men are allowed to ‘hustle’ and be excused from marrying as early. This part helps society embrace the idea of a young girl marrying an older and accomplished man.

Research carried out by authors in Nepal shows that, on average, “unmarried youth and their parents viewed 20 to 25 as acceptable ages for women to marry, while ages 23 to 30 were appropriate for men.”

A report by Ortega JA. also corroborates the above statement by stating that “men marry 3.3 years later than women in the world as a whole, ranging from a low of 1.8 years in North America and Northern Europe to a high of 6.6 years in Western Africa.”

Oppenheimer agreed that historically, men’s income-earning capabilities were necessary for marriage, while attractiveness and household capabilities were more important for women.

Feminism Pushback on Women Marrying Early

Feminists understand the power dynamic between a man and a woman in a traditional marriage, whereby the men are always authoritative and have dominion over their households because their wives, who have been conditioned to marry early before chasing any personal goal, have to be financially dependent on them (their husbands).

Feminists believe that women should shun the idea of marrying early and instead focus on personal growth and achievements before settling to create a family.

Although there have been fights against women ageing without marriage and starting a home, feminists strive to ensure that all women get the chance to choose their lives and what they want with them rather than being conditioned to enjoy such a life for themselves.

Feminists have claimed that early marriages often lead to early childbirth, and this could pose a disaster for women, especially if they are not emotionally or physically prepared to take on such life-threatening roles.

Should Women Marry Early or Not?

Marrying early or marrying at all is best left to any individual who identifies as an adult. However, Nigerian society is adamant about shaming unmarried women; the lesson and change should be towards the society which dictates the lives of women while forgetting to enforce such laws on its men.

Men are pressured to produce offspring and women are asked to marry early while they are fertile.

However, before any man is congratulated for starting a family, he must be scrutinised by those around him as they gauge his financial capacity to understand if he is ready to take on the role of a “breadwinner.” This scrutiny is why men are often given the freedom to marry whenever they want, as they could also produce offspring at any age, unlike their women.

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