The Man Who Loves Me Genuinely is Also Ashamed to Be Seen With Me

I’ve struggled with love because of my size. They call me fat, but I see that as a compliment because I have everything in excess: body, kindness, love, patience, and understanding. I’ve dated men and loved them genuinely, but they all end up leaving when I start asking when we are getting married. They don’t see themselves getting married to a woman my size. Three years after being single, I met Andy.

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He loves me so much, and it shows in everything he does for me, in secrecy. I say secrecy because that’s the only place his love for me shines. We’ve been dating for nine months, but no one knows about it. Not his friends, not his family, or anyone for that matter. He tells me that when anyone gets to know about our relationship, it will come to an end, so I should give him time to do things slowly.

He’s the only man I’ve dated who doesn’t take money from me or ask me to do crazy things just because I love him. He supports me financially, buys me gifts, and is always there for me, but he won’t take me out on a date because people will see us.

I’m not a girl. I’m not about to start life. I’m thirty, and that means this is the time for me to start something serious. I love marriage. I love companionship, and I want to see all these in Andy. Yes, I see all that but only when we are alone. I go through our messages, and I always smile to myself. He’s poetic with words and naughty with phrases. I like them just like that, but my problem now is that he won’t show me to anyone and won’t allow me to show him to anyone.

What do I do in this situation? Should I keep trusting that one day he will unfurl our love for the world to see, or should I start getting scared and probably walk away? How long is too long to stay hidden?

—Samantha

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