The Man God Sent To Bring Me Back To Him Got Me Pregnant

I used to be very prayerful. I was the girl you would find where the deepest tongues were spoken. I told myself I could interpret tongues and hear the voice of God. I was the example in church. I was the girl your mother advised you to emulate. But life hit me very hard when my dad died. One day I asked myself, “Is God really there? Or do we pretend He’s there when good things are happening to us, only for Him to disappear when trouble happens?”

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My dad died. His family took over his properties and left us with nothing. Even my mom looked up to me when it came to prayers. “Adwoa, pray. Those after us are too strong.” I prayed, but I still couldn’t pay my fees. I prayed, but those who were willing to help wanted a pound of my flesh. I prayed, but I saw my dad’s family succeeding at hurting us.

When I stopped going to school because I couldn’t pay my fees and my two brothers were out on the street trying to make it on their own, I told myself, “I’m wasting my time. There’s no God.”

I left the church and stopped picking up calls from people associated with it because even they, in my hardest moment, turned their backs on me. I hit the streets too. I found ways and means on my own, some good, some bad, some illegal, but in the end, they put food on the table and promised a better tomorrow.

I went back to school to complete my course. I sent money home so my brothers could go to school again. Mom was fed and rested. When I started my national service, I met Joshua. He was my supervisor, but he became a friend. We talked about everything. I told him how I didn’t believe in God and how He was a figment of our imagination.

He screamed, “What are you saying? It’s only a fool—”

“—who says in his heart that there’s no God,” I completed the quotation for him. He looked at me and smiled. I told him my journey through the church, and he was shocked. He said he would lead me back to Christ again. He said, “It’s God who brought you here because He knew you’d meet me.” I answered, “It’s because I was able to do bad things to afford education that I’m able to meet you. If I had followed God, I wouldn’t have met you.”

I liked him so much, so I listened to him preach to me every day. I did what he asked and even followed him to church, where I met his pastor. He introduced me as a friend he was bringing to Christ. He called every morning for quiet time, even before I got to the office. In the evening, he would call and pray with me before I slept. He would even come to my place on weekends for Bible studies. I was doing all that because I liked him.

One day he proposed. I was about to finish service. I was expecting it, but I asked him, “Is that what God asked you to do?” He answered, “He didn’t ask me, but I feel within my spirit that it’s the right thing to do.”

We started dating, but the prayers became intense. He was bent on leading me back to Christ. We fasted every Saturday, except that I ate secretly and told him I was doing it. He met my mom. He took me to meet his people too, and they all loved me. He gave two conditions for marriage: 1) No sex before marriage. 2) I would have to give my life back to Christ and worship with him for a year before marriage. “If you do this for me, then I’ll know God’s hand is on our relationship.”

Two months later, he spent the night with me, and we got intimate. First rule broken. We prayed while having sex. It got to a point where we responded to the urgings of our flesh more than we even prayed. Then I got pregnant. When I told him, he quivered. I said, “What’s there to fear? Are we kids?”

He started ranting about what the world would say and how the church would reprimand him and take his position from him. I told him, “Then let’s get married quickly to save your religious career.” He said he wasn’t ready and that I hadn’t been able to obey the second rule. I asked, “So what do we do?” He answered, “We can’t have it.” I responded, “That’s fine. I don’t have issues.”

He gave me money, and I got rid of it. Intimacy didn’t stop, just like our pretentious prayer lives. I didn’t follow him to church like he wanted me to. I didn’t give my life to Christ the way he wanted. We dated for two years, and he still told me I’d broken rule number two, so we couldn’t get married. “Let’s go to church consistently for a year. Accept Christ truthfully, and that’s all. What’s hard about this?”

I answered, “You broke rule number one and had a baby out of it, a baby you didn’t agree to have but I’m breaking number two, so you can’t marry me? That’s fine.”

So I accepted a proposal from a man I met on my way to work. I sent Joshua a screenshot and said, “I’ve replaced you. Maybe this one will marry me with no strings attached.”

Since that message, he has been on my neck, crying and telling me not to do that to him. He said he’ll marry me in a few months. I told him I’m no longer interested in marrying him because I have another man in my life. Joshua is now looking for every opportunity to meet my new boyfriend and destroy what we’ve started.

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Honestly, I have no feelings for him again. I’m trying to focus on the new one. I want to give him a chance, not because of marriage, but to see if he can make my life any better than this church rat is doing with my life. But Joshua won’t leave me alone, and I’m scared of what he’ll do to my new relationship. What’s the way forward for me? He’s very persistent and sometimes aggressive, especially when I refuse him intimacy.

—Freda

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