Romantic Getaway Mistakes

Don’t underestimate the power of a vacation to strengthen your relationship. Whether it’s packed with hot vacation sex or not, getting away from your day-to-day responsibilities and exploring a little bit together can be a huge romantic boost for any couple.

Needless to say, no matter whether you’ve been with your partner for five years or five months, a couples getaway can be just what the doctor ordered — but only if you can avoid certain mistakes that often sabotage your opportunities for intimacy and connection.

“For new couples, traveling together for the first time can be rather clarifying,” explains Alex Kudos, dating and relationship expert at Dating.com and CMO at Social Discovery Group. “You’ll learn things about your significant other. More established couples can use travel as an opportunity to invite excitement and adventure back into the relationship.”

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“Traveling together,” Kudos adds, “is an ideal way to shake up the day-to-day routine and to keep things feeling fresh. And for long-distance couples, a romantic getaway can be a chance to spend quality time with each other and discover whether they’re viable partners in the real world.”

Dr. Karen Stewart, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in sex and couples therapy, also notes that traveling can help infuse some much-needed playfulness and relaxation into your lives — which is crucial when you have busy schedules, hectic jobs, and other everyday stressors to deal with.

All that said, reaping all the aforementioned benefits requires some careful planning. Don’t let these common missteps wreck your romantic getaway.

1. Going Overboard with Planning

Ideally, your itinerary should have some structure — maybe a few dinner reservations, and a few specific excursions. This helps to build anticipation and ensures that you have an exciting and engaging experience. But don’t pack your schedule too much, says Jim Campbell, a luxury travel advisor and CEO of Honeymoons.com.

“Filling every moment with activities can be exhausting,” he explains.

Leaving some breathing room in your itinerary has multiple benefits, according to Campbell: Not only does it allow you to relax and recharge, but it also offers up the opportunity to be spontaneous. The magic tends to happen when you don’t have anywhere to be or anything to do — for instance, you might stumble upon the best local coffee shop or have the most insightful conversation while wandering aimlessly through town.

“True romance isn't rushed,” says Kristin Winkaffe, the founder of Winkaffe Global Travel. “It's found in those quiet moments you share.”

For a perfect balance, Kudos advises only choosing or booking one restaurant and one core activity for each day of the trip.

2. Not Meeting Each Other in the Middle

You and your partner may not agree on every single vacation decision — and that’s totally OK. The key is how you handle your mismatched interests, priorities, and preferences. According to Kudos, compromise is just as important while traveling as it is in the day-to-day of your relationship.

For example, let’s say you want to go out for a night on the town but your partner wants to hang back and relax in the room. According to Kudos, a solid compromise here might entail only going out for drinks, and then heading back to the resort. Or, it might mean enjoying the evening out, but then having a more low-key plan for the next night.

3. Neglecting the Element of Surprise

Even the smallest of surprises can go a long way when it comes to amping up the romance on your trip, says Campbell.

Strapped for ideas? Consider making arrangements with your resort for a special private dinner under the stars, or buying them that piece of locally made jewelry you saw them eyeing at a nearby shop. You can also get some photos from your trip printed and compile them into an album for you both to look back on for years to come.

Winkaffe suggests having your partner’s favorite bottle of wine chilling when you get back to the room.

“It's these thoughtful details that can elevate your getaway from good to magical,” she explains.

4. Not Researching the Destination

The location can make or break a romantic getaway, so experts advise starting with this essential element before you plan anything else.

“Where you go really sets the tone,” explains Michael L. Moore, a travel planning expert and the founder of Countdown to Magic.

Not only will the location dictate the climate, itinerary, cost, and convenience of your travels, but it also impacts the overall vibe.

Something else to consider when choosing a destination? The ease of travel — and that includes whether or not direct flights are available, how long it takes to get there, and how easy it is to get to and from the airport in that location. After all, the idea is to keep stress at a minimum.

5. Forgetting to Budget

Before you start booking reservations at Michelin-star restaurants and scoping out luxury resorts, it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you can afford.

“Overspending can lead to stress,” says Campbell. “And financial stress can overshadow the romantic aspects of the trip.”

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That’s why Campbell advises setting a realistic budget before you start planning any aspects of your getaway. Keep in mind, too, that many hotels and resorts offer packages specifically for couples that could end up saving you money on spa services, meals, or other amenities. If you don’t see these offers on the properties’ website, it’s always worth calling and asking about.

6. Being a Creature of Habit

There’s nothing wrong with going back to Greece if you and your partner had a particularly great time there, or booking another scuba diving excursion after you tried it on a previous vacation. However, experts say it’s a good idea to make sure you’re trying some new things, too.

“Repeating the same type of getaway can become monotonous,” explains Campbell. “Be open to trying different destinations or activities — because new experiences can invigorate the relationship.”

7. Staying Glued to Your Phone

Sure, you may need to whip out your phone to get directions to a local bar, or snap a cute photo at sunset. But experts say you should try to keep those devices stashed away as much as possible.

“Being present with your partner is what it's all about,” says Sarah Murphy, travel expert and founder of Explore More NC. “Yes, we all want the perfect picture for Instagram, but the best memories I have, I didn’t record with my phone.”

In fact, consider challenging yourselves to leave your phones in the hotel room for at least a few hours a day — say, when you’re planning to just lounge on the beach together or heading out for a romantic dinner.

RELATED: Phone Snubbing is Ruining Relationships

8. Using the Trip as a Cure-All or a Band-Aid

If you’re constantly fighting lately, or you’re trying to sweep a particular issue under the rug, a romantic getaway isn’t a cure, cautions Terri DiMatteo, LPC, a relationship counselor and owner at Open Door Therapy.

“It's difficult to relax, connect, or feel romantic when there's an unresolved looming matter hanging overhead,” she explains.

Instead, DiMatteo recommends addressing whatever is plaguing your relationship before you embark on a getaway. You’ll get more out of your trip because there won’t be any awkwardness or resentment clouding the experience, and you won’t have to stress about having to resolve the problem you put on pause after you return.

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9. Expecting Perfection

Social media can set unrealistic expectations for travel — as well as relationships in general. So, keep in mind that things can — and probably will — go wrong. Maybe you both get a sunburn on the first day of your beach vacation, or maybe one of your suitcases gets lost, for instance.

“Sometimes things don't go according to plan, but that doesn't have to spoil the fun,” explains Winkaffe.

Stewart agrees that being flexible and going with the flow is key. For example, if it ends up raining for most of your trip, Winkaffe says you can use this opportunity to plan an impromptu spa day together. Or, Stewart suggests creating an in-room picnic, or dinner and movie date with room service.

If you can roll with the punches, and overcome your disappointment, your relationship will only be stronger for it. And who knows? Maybe your backup plan will end up being even more fun than your original plan.

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