My Boyfriend Wears a Wedding Ring But He’s Not Married

rew  He was wearing a wedding ring when we met. I asked if he was married, and he said it was a long story. When our friendship settled, I asked him to tell the story. “Why are you wearing a wedding ring when you’re not married?”

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His wife died when their marriage was only two years old. She died from cancer, and that episode of his life traumatized him in a way he never thought it would. It had been four years since his wife died. I asked if he had worn the ring every day since his wife died, and he said no. “I wear it sometimes just to remember where I used to be in life.”

I asked if he had moved on, and he said he had, but the memory still lingered. I had come to like him and was waiting for him to propose. Along the line, he took off the ring and didn’t wear it again for a very long time. I knew he was coming around. He proposed one day. I believed in his love, so I said yes.

Three weeks after dating, he went back to wearing the ring. I thought it was their anniversary or maybe an occasion to remember. He answered, “Oh no, it’s not an occasion. I miss wearing it. For some reason, I feel lighter when it’s on.” I jokingly said, “Then let’s marry so you can keep wearing it.”

He smiled and said, “Very soon.”

We’ve dated for over a year. He still wears that ring, sometimes longer than he used to. I complained. I pleaded with him. I said it the way we send supplication to a god: “Please let this ring rest. You make me feel like I’m dating a married man. I know I’m being judged right now by those who see us together. I beg you.”

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He’ll take it off today and wear it another day. Sometimes he’ll try to hide it from me so I won’t see him while he wears it. Please tell me, is this a relationship you think will lead somewhere? I like the depth of his love, but I only wish that love were for me now and not for his dead wife.

—Bridgit

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