Mama Says I Am The Reason Men Leave Her

When my mom got pregnant with me, she and my dad tried to terminate the pregnancy several times, but it never worked. My dad left her and told her that if she could get rid of the pregnancy, he would come back. But she couldn’t. Afer I was born, my family had to intervene in an attempt she made on my life. When I was eight years old, she took me to live with my uncle and his wife in the village.

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Living there was a nightmare. My aunt hated me so much. She also made two attempts on my life. There were many times she hurt me physically. I still have scars and bruises from that period. I remember asking her once why she hated me so much, and she said, “If your own mother doesn’t want you, why should I?”

Over time, I just got used to the pain because I was still a child. Then one day, I got really sick. I have low blood pressure, and it became so bad that my aunt told my uncle to take me back to my mom because she didn’t want me to die in her house.

When I got back home, my mom was with my stepdad. He was kind and loving to me at first. I never even thought about my biological father because I felt safe and happy for the first time. For a few years, everything seemed fine.

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But then, my mom started changing. She began chasing me from home, telling me to go and find my real father—someone I’ve never met. She kept repeating that I was the reason he left her and that all her problems started because I was born. She would say things like, “If you hadn’t lived, I would have been happy.” Hearing that from my own mother broke me.

As time went on, my stepdad also changed. He started making advances toward me and said he wanted to sleep with me. I resisted him but when it became too much, I told my mother. Instead of helping me, she blamed me. She said if I hadn’t been born, none of this would have happened. She even went around telling her entire family that I’d been sleeping with him for years.

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I tried to explain the truth—that he was the one trying to do it—but no one believed me. Everyone turned against me. I was in Grade 12 at the time, trying to prepare for my final exams. It’s a miracle it didn’t affect my education. I was so depressed and broken. The one place that was supposed to be my safest home became the scariest place on earth.

Since then, my mom has blamed me for ruining her marriage. She says I’m the reason every man leaves her. I’ve prayed and asked God, “If this is how parents treat their children, then maybe I’m better off not having any of my own someday,” because I never want another person to go through what I went through.

—Beauty 

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