I'M A FULL GROWN WOMAN WITHOUT BREASTS, IT'S HARD TO FIND LOVE DUE TO MY MEDICAL CONDITION

I am coming out to share my story because Joana’s story inspired me to do so. I am not sure I have the same condition as hers, but we have a few symptoms in common. I am in my twenties, yet I haven’t developed breasts. Unlike Joana, I didn’t notice early that something was wrong with me. My mother died of leukaemia when I was barely thirteen. So I grew up with my father and my brothers. They didn’t know much about the female reproductive system to also notice that something was wrong. 

It was when I was almost twenty years old that I became concerned and went to the hospital for a check-up. We were asked to run a series of tests, and the results showed that my reproductive system was not properly developed. The doctor said, “We can’t give you a diagnosis until we run further tests. However, we can say that it will almost be impossible for you to have children. This is because your reproductive system is not fully developed.” Because the doctor used the adverb “almost” to qualify the adjective “impossible” I felt hopeful. If she had said, “It will be impossible for you to have children,” then I would have completely lost hope.

We made a few more trips to the hospital and run more tests. And we found out that I have more androgens than estrogens. My first concern was if it meant I would be attracted to women, but I realized that I am not. I happen to like men. Anyway, the doctors prescribed a medication that’s meant to increase my estrogen hormones. It’s called Hormone Replacement Therapy(HRT). I took the pills and they helped me menstruate but I still didn’t develop breasts. 

As time went on I noticed that the pills had dire side effects. First, it caused me extreme hair breakage. Then I read extensively about it and learned that if I used it consistently I could get cancer. Thirdly, it is quite expensive to buy. So I thought about it and chose to take it at irregular intervals. This also made me learn that I wouldn’t get my period if I wasn’t on the pills. It wasn’t an ideal situation but I tried to manage things the best way I could. My family also supported me the best way they could; by being empathetic to my condition.

When it came to love interests, I tried not to expect too much. The question I always asked myself was, “Which man will want to be with a woman like me? Who will accept me if they find out that I don’t have breasts, and I may not be able to give them kids? Will any man understand my situation enough to fight my battles with me?” Although I was interested in finding love, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be found worthy of love. Fortunately, my fears dissolved when I met Rockson in 2019. The only thing I told him about my health was that I am not able to menstruate. And it didn’t bother him.

I remember that the time I spent with him was one of the happiest moments of my life. He gave me hope that I was worth fighting for. He is a few years older than me so I felt he would be understanding if I told him everything. So I came clean and discussed every detail of my condition with him. He listened to me calmly and promised to stand by me through everything. But I realized that he changed after that conversation. His presence in the relationship felt forced. Later, he withdrew from me slowly until every trace of him was gone from my life.

 The next guy who came my way was also very supportive when I told him, “I have a medical condition that makes it difficult for me to get my period.” But I knew better than to get my hopes up. The day Joana’s story was published I told him, “I read a story on Facebook about a girl who has my condition, but in her case, her breasts didn’t develop. What would you have done if you were dating someone like her?” He answered, “Why will I be with a woman as flat-chested as me? I will end the relationship immediately I find out.” His response broke my heart. I figured there was no point in telling him that I didn’t have breasts. I withdrew from him until our relationship turned into a platonic friendship. 

After him, I am sceptical about meetings someone again. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a way I would ever have children. Because I love kids. You should see how well I get along with my nieces and nephews. Sometimes I forget myself and start statements with, “When I give birth I will…” and then I stop when I remember that maybe I wouldn’t be able to birth my own children. Sometimes I imagine having a daughter and naming her after my mother. I’d think of giving her all the love and attention the death of my mother deprived me of. 

I suppose the good news here is that the last doctor I consulted said, “As long as there is life, there is hope. There is a solution to every problem, we just have to find it.” Because of this, I am holding on to a sliver of hope. I don’t know exactly what to call my condition, because the doctors requested us to run more tests for us to get a diagnosis. But where is the money? I don’t want to be misunderstood, I am not looking for financial aid. I just want the ladies out there, especially the ones who have kids to appreciate what they have. Pay close attention to the reproductive health of your daughters. Some of these things don’t show early, but I know my mother would have noticed mine early if she was alive. 

If you don’t have a child, and you are trying to conceive leave everything to God. It is the African society that has made it look like it’s a curse or a spiritual problem if you’re not able to have kids. I know that it’s not easy, trust me. I try to encourage myself but sometimes I shed tears and ask God, “Why me?” And other times I just pray and thank God for the gift of life. Mostly, the stories of Sarah and Hannah in the Bible encourage me.

I don’t know what the future holds when it comes to love and relationships, but if I ever get a happy ending, I will share my story.

— Yvette,