True Life Story: My Inlaws Are Trying To Control My Home Because My Husband Is Weak

True Life Story: My Inlaws Are Trying To Control My Home Because My Husband Is Weak

Hello Lively Stones,

Please hide my identity. I am a frustrated married woman. For past six years of marriage, I have been living in hell. This is because of my husband and his mother. When I met my husband, he was a member of a particular church that does some weird spiritual things. That put me off but he said he is not a serious member, that he only attends the church to please his mother because she is one of the spiritual mothers of the church.

As we were dating, he was mostly following me to my church and we got married in my church. But after marriage, to conceive became a problem. And when I conceived, I would suffer miscarriage. This was going on for almost two years. My mother inlaw then used this opportunity to enter our lives. She claimed to be on the mountain for us for several weeks. She moved into our house, then she would prepare different spiritual remedies for me. I refused to do anything she asked because I do not believe in them.

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That made my husband upset. He said I disrespect his mother. That I agree to go to doctors and they have tried, I went with my mother to see specialists and all failed…why cant I do what his mother says. His mother says she did the same for her to conceive my husband. That its the forces that dont want children in the family that is behind it. This matter dragged until out of pressure, I had to drink the holy flusher she prepared. She also made me bathe with holy oil water.

All of these still did not work. The presence of my mother in-law in our home was suffocating. I decided to move out to stay with my parents. This forced my husband to send his mother away after 2 months. The next month, I returned to my house and the very next month, I got pregnant. I did not tell my husband because I did not want him to tell his mother. I waited until almost four months before I told my husband. I was then sure no miscarriage would happen.

Of course, hubby told his mother even though I told him not to. The mother rushed to our house with her prayer equipments to come and start cooking and preparing her concoctions. I quickly went back to my parents place. I was determined not to loose this baby again. My husband was not happy but he had to accept my decision. I gave birth in my parents place. For the naming, I had to come back to my home. At the naming, mama tried to do her stuff again…I told my elder brother to stand and not allow it happen. And he stopped her.

Long story short, I don’t flow with mama or her style. Even the incense that she wears on her irritates me. I am not saying she is evil. I just do not like her religion or whatever. It has too many suspicious practices. Now, my son became one year old and for his birthday, I took him to cut his hair because he has never cut his hair since he was born. When mama came for his birthday, she got really mad that his hair was cut. She said she warned my husband never to cut my son’s hair until he was 7 years old. That cutting his hair would lead to disaster.

Well, my husband told me but I did not care about it. Mama started saying I am a disrespectful wife, that I want to control my husband. She said if I want to prove stubborn, she will make sure I regret marrying her son. She left in anger. After the birthday which was last month, hubby said we are going to spend this year’s Christmas with his mother. I think mama is behind all these talk about spending Christmas with her. I kept quiet but I have been praying to God to give me wisdom or let something happen that will prevent this village Christmas from happening.

And then this happened; last weekend, my mother asked me to come home. We usually have last Friday of the month prayer together since my infertility issues. We pray in our homes but this time, my mom suggested I come to our house. So, I went home to our house. As we prayed, my mom said something is going on in my home and I should go back home that same day when I returned. So I left Ibadan to go back to Lagos same day.

On getting to Lagos, I walked into my home and my son was alone in the sitting room. I picked him up and wondered where his father was. I walked into our room and met his father f*cking our neighbor’s daughter. My whole body froze. When I regained my consciousness…I pounced on this girl and she fought me back. My husband quickly wore his boxers and tried to separate her but this girl is vicious. She bite me and started cursing me. She said I am a controlling wife and that is why my husband’s family has decided to get a second wife for my husband and she is the second wife.

My husband could not deny what she said. I sat down and started crying. And I started parking my things to leave the house …my husband said…that its because I am always leaving the house and fighting his mother that his family told him to divorce me. That the family christmas trip was for the family to take my son from me…and then force me to divorce my husband.

My husband begged me to forgive him for cheating but the whole compound is laughing at me…looks like they are all aware of the affair with the neighbor. The girl’s aunty that she lives with, did not even say anything to me. I was also too ashamed to confront her. My husband’s excuse was that he is confused about all that is happening with me and his mother and he convinced him that I was not ready to accept his family and so he felt maybe his family was right for trying to force us to divorce. Well, even he is confused, does that justify cheating on me in my home with a small girl of less than 20 years old? And my child was in the house.

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I called and told my mother everything. My mother agreed that I should not leave the house but I cannot stand being in this house anymore. I can’t even sleep on my bed. My husband’s face as he f*cked our neighbor’s daughter is haunting me. My husband’s family is trying to break my marriage and my husband is too weak to do anything about it. What will I be fighting for to remain in this marriage. I am so sad that I felt like ending my life. My husband begged but how sincere is he? Mr Confused. Why can’t he man up for once?

After many years of childlessness, is this how my husband and his family want to repay me? I don’t deserve…everyday, I am fighting the urge to leave this marriage but then, it would mean, I allowed them to win me. I am so tired of all these sh*t. Please what do I do…if you were in my shoes…how do you continue to be married to this kind of husband and family? It seems my husband is so weak to stand by me anymore….he only does what his family says. He wants me to yield to his family desires too so they can be at peace with me.

It’s just that, yielding to his mother and family means handing over the keys of my life to them to do as they like. I really need your advice.

Anonymous

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