I Still Can’t Forgive My Husband For What He Told That Hotel Lady

I had a daughter before I married my husband. Now we have a son together, by God’s grace. We’ve been living together for the past three years as one loving family. When we were preparing to get a place together, he let me know that there was room in his life for my daughter. He accepted her as his own. He knows my daughter’s biological father is no longer in the picture, so he stepped up to fulfil every fatherly duty my little girl would need.

Six months ago, we had a misunderstanding as a couple. It was bad enough for me to consider moving out, but on second thought I decided not to.

We usually buy food from a local hotel near our workplace because our home is far. Sometimes I would buy for myself and the kids and the woman who sells the food would put it on my husband’s tab. One day, the woman told me something that broke my heart. I had gone there to eat with my daughter. After she served us and we were about to leave, she called me aside.

She said, “I am not supposed to tell you this but you are my friend. Your husband says that going forward if I give your daughter anything, I should collect the money from you. He says he will only pay for your son’s bills, even if it costs 1000.”

I became so angry. I confronted my husband when I got home. I asked why he was suddenly bringing division into our family. Mind you, he doesn’t even know the prices of their clothes or anything; I’m the one who handles everything.

Instead of responding maturely, he said that from now on, he would provide only for his son. I reminded him that he married me and accepted my child, but he said that was none of his business. His words hit me so hard I couldn’t breathe. I tried to pray, but I couldn’t. Out of anger, I left with my daughter and left him with his son.

I was at church crying and praying when the woman from the hotel called me to say, “Mama, your son is crying and dirty because his father has left with a customer.” I rushed to work, found my son, washed him, fed him, and we all slept until his father returned in the evening.

We resolved our problems and he stopped that divisive behaviour, but I haven’t forgiven him. I don’t think I can. I’ve tried having sex with him, but I no longer feel anything when he touches me.

Recently, I caught him cheating. I confronted him because our son is about to start school, and I know he isn’t saving anything for him; he is spending the money on the side chick.

Since he said he will provide only for his son, I’ve stepped back from everything. I know he will take the boy to a cheap school. I can afford a better school, but I don’t want to separate the siblings. As for me, the love is gone. It’s been almost two months without intimacy. He sleeps in the living room, and I sleep in the bedroom.

My daughter turns 11 this month. She told him she wants a birthday cake because they communicate very well. But when it comes to me, I’m just like a stranger in my own house. I hear he complains to the hotel woman that I don’t talk to him like I used to. I’ve been so quiet that now he is planning to move out. He thought I would react because he knew the woman would tell me everything, but I told her he can move out.

I don’t want to go to court for child support because he will only pay for his son. So I have decided to put up with him as he is. If he decides to leave, that’s fine with me. Am I taking things too far?

—Joana

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