This Marriage Offer Gives Me Peace and Terrifies Me at the Same Time

About six months ago, I had a call from one of my bosses. I’m a teacher, so it was from one of our officers. That day, he called me to his office. It was actually my birthday. He told me he wanted to have a discussion with me.

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He said he has a friend who wants to get married soon. He has been vouching for me, that I was the only one who came to mind. I am 34 and very much single. Men have shown me the difference between the red, green, and yellow ones. I have fumbled some good ones, truth be told, and now I am just focusing on my life and what is there for me. I don’t know if I’m just tired.

He said we should pray about it, and that when I decided, we would go to meet this mystery man. It was a hard decision to make. Should I go meet this man? Maybe he is the love of my life. I mean, these things have happened before; we have all heard the stories. So I took the mantle. I agreed.

Early this year, I dressed up in my best outfit and walked out my door to meet the man who wanted to get married. This man, his friend, is a very, very respectable man in Accra. A very humble man. And we had the talk.

The man who is outside the country and wants a wife… is still married. As in, married to a woman. Apparently, he can’t leave the wife because they have two autistic children, and it has been very stressful for them. And he was honest about it. He is not one who would tell me he would leave his wife for me and build castles in the air. The children are grown now, and they want to have more children who can help their older siblings manage their funds and take care of them. According to him, that is where I come in, if I agree.

We’ve been talking for almost four months now, and I don’t know what to do. Should I take this chance? Is this the bare minimum? Or is this the best out there for me?

I’m so confused about what my final decision should be. Today I want it, tomorrow I don’t. I am sure my mom would have agreed to this arrangement, but she’s late. I have this mom’s friend who has been acting as my mommy, and I don’t know if she’ll agree or not.

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The man wants to come to Ghana in June. I’ve prayed over it, and I feel a strange sense of peace about it, but I don’t know if this mom’s friend will allow us to get married.

For me, I believe even if I should just get pregnant, it should be with a responsible man. That’s all I ask. But right now, I just don’t know what to do.

-Lucia

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