I Read My Wife’s Chat With Our Pastor’s Wife—Our Marriage Has Never Been the Same

My wife used to work with our pastor’s wife until she got a new job and left. They’ve been very close since then. I know my wife talks to her on spiritual matters and they pray together. There have been times when we had issues and my wife invited her in to resolve the issue. I respect the woman a lot. She’s not too older than I am. Maybe three or four years older, but I look up to her like a son looks up to his mother. We call her Mommy out of respect. Not only me and my wife, but everyone.

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Not long ago, I realized my wife was talking to her a lot more than usual. I would see her on the phone and she would say, “It’s Mommy.” I would see her laughing while chatting and she would say, “It’s Mommy who’s making me laugh.” After church, she would be with her while I go home alone.

Yes, they were close, but it wasn’t this kind of close. If we were having marital problems, I would have concluded it was because of that. But our marriage had been stable. No fight. No quarrel. No suspicion. What we used to fight about, we no longer did, so what were they talking about?

One night, I picked up my wife’s phone and went straight to the messages between them. It was about my wife’s boss. My wife said, “I didn’t know I was this weak emotionally to look at another man this way.” Mommy responded, “You’re human, so weakness is part of the package. You need to intensify your prayers.”

“Her boss? She started working there a few months ago, so what’s the issue with her boss?” I went further and further until I read where she said, “Today, it was very close in his office. Mommy, I think I have to resign and look for a new job.”

My wife had fallen for her boss and their relationship was beyond professional. Mommy asked her to list the things she found in him that she didn’t find in me. She later wrote, “Nothing except he looks better physically.” Mommy responded, “So you see, it’s the spirit of infatuation pushing you to sin and later lose the beautiful things God has given you in your marriage.”

While reading all that, my heart was aching. My hands were trembling. I dreaded finding out later that my wife had slept with her boss. That would have killed me. Luckily, I didn’t read that. But I couldn’t help the anger. Why would my wife of six years, the mother of my two children, act this childish in front of her boss? I lost a little grace for her and the pastor’s wife.

I could see Mommy was trying her best, but I believe she should have brought me in at some point, especially when my wife said she nearly did the unthinkable in his office. I was fuming because I, as a man, have not gone through anything like that since we got married. I have a wife at home, and this notion ends everything even before it starts.

I placed the phone down but couldn’t sleep. All night I was angry and conflicted. The little voice in my head whispered, “Do you think if it happened she would be bold enough to tell Mommy? Who knows, she’s already sleeping with him.”

This got me more furious, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I’ve read her messages. Today I want to. Tomorrow I tell myself it wouldn’t solve the problem. The result now is insecurity. When my wife is late from work, I call and query her until she’s home. No excuse matters. Nothing she says changes my mind. One day I told her, “Tell your boss to stop misbehaving or else you’ll stop the job.”

She asked, “What do you mean? Did I say he’s misbehaving?” I had to think fast and respond, “Is he not the one giving you extra work to delay your closing time?” She responded, “I haven’t mentioned my boss here, but you, it’s OK.”

Insecurity is eating me up, and because of that, everything annoys me these days. Last Sunday after church, I followed her to see Mommy. I told her, “Today I want to be part of the counseling and prayer sessions. I also need God.” They laughed, but what I said wasn’t a joke. Eventually I had to excuse them, but my heart was so angry I wanted to scream, “I know what you two are about.”

The last message I read before my wife deleted her messages between herself and Mommy, she told Mommy she was going to resign because it was like fighting temptations in the midst of temptations. Mommy agreed and told her she should block every access to him right after resigning, and she said OK.

What tickles my curiosity in this whole issue is that my wife doesn’t have a single chat between herself and her boss. That only means she deletes them. If she does, then why? What is she hiding?

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

It’s been over a month since she agreed on resigning, but she hasn’t. Maybe she’s looking for a new job first, but my question is, should I come in at this point? Don’t you think my wife knowing that I know will speed up her actions to resolve the issue?

I feel Mommy is over-pampering her. I expect some insults and reprimanding here and there, but that doesn’t happen. It’s the reason my wife is not acting fast to solve the problem.

What do you think? Should I?

—Johnson

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