I Am The Problem In My Family

I’m a 21-year-old girl, but if you see me, you might think I’m 16. That’s because I’m a sickle cell patient, and it has affected my growth. My mom has four children — me, my twin brother, another brother, and a younger sister. Out of all of us, I’m the only one living with the sickle cell condition.

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All my life, I didn’t want to take too much from my mother. She’s a hardworking woman who hustles on her own with no one’s support. I’m very grateful to have her, but sometimes, I feel like I’m not that important to her. It seems she only shows me motherly love when I’m in the hospital.

Anytime something happens between me and my younger sister, she always takes her side. This same sister sometimes insults me, saying things like “penin te fie na akwadaa gyemii” (meaning the elder at home is a fool). My mom will act like it’s nothing, but if I do something wrong to my sister, she’ll insult me with every word she can find. She never rebukes my sister like that in front of me, ever.

My sister misuses my things and hides hers from me. She can buy food and hide it so I don’t get any, and my mom sees it but says nothing. But if I try to protect my belongings or ask her not to touch my things, then boom, there’s chaos in the house. Suddenly, I’m the bad one who hates her or wishes her failure.

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One time, she took my calculator to school. I had completed SHS three years ago, and she was still in JHS. When I confronted her, she denied it, so I searched her bag and found it there. I decided to wait for my mom to come home so she could handle it herself. To my surprise, instead of correcting my sister, my mom insulted me. The insults I received that day broke me. I cried so much I’ll never forget it.

Another painful moment was when my mom returned from the market and accused me of taking her money. She said, “Atta, bring the money you took from here.” I was shocked because I hadn’t touched any money — I was just watching TV. But she didn’t believe me and told me to replace it before she “opened her eyes.” I cried. She even said I should use that same money for my food for days. That evening, one woman saw me crying, asked what was wrong, and gave me money to buy food.

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My little sister can do wrong and still receive money and affection from my mom. She barely scolds my twin brother because he’s now grown. I can’t say the same for myself. I get no understanding or patience from her. I’ve accepted that my body is smaller because of my condition, but I’m still a woman with a full heart and feelings.

I’m trying my best in a difficult situation but everything about my life seems to come with insults, judgment, or misunderstanding. Sometimes I ask myself, what can I really do for my own peace of mind? Am I that hard to love? Hmmm… asem o.

—Relia

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