I Am Cheating On My Girlfriend But That’s Not The Point

My relationship with my girlfriend has been on and off for some time now. Mostly I tell myself I am done but because of the love I have for her, I keep going back. She has told me things about her past that haunt me. That’s why I struggle to fully commit to her. I have always felt that one day she would pull the rug from under me and break my heart. So I have been guarded around throughout the relationship.

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We were serious about each other but I could never fully trust her. Apart from her past, something about her kept nagging me that she was being unfaithful. I didn’t have proof but I could feel it deep down in my heart.

I would admit, I was running my own show on the side. She is not my only woman. I have another girlfriend she doesn’t know about. That’s not the point though. She is the focus here, not me.

One day, I went to visit her. We were talking and vibing when all of a sudden she got up and said she had to step out briefly. “I am going to see someone just here… I will be back soon,” she informed me.

I waited for her till it got dark. When I called and asked where she was, she claimed she had to attend a birthday party. I didn’t believe her. Her background on the call was too silent to be a birthday party. By the time she returned, it was almost midnight.

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I waited for her to sleep then I checked her. I wasn’t wrong. My guts were warning me all along. My woman was truly cheating on me. Something inside me broke.

When I confronted her, she was remorseful. She said it was a mistake. “It won’t happen again, I am sorry.” She broke things off with the other guy. She then deleted all her contacts and her Facebook account to prove that she was serious.

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The reason I stayed is that I knew I was also cheating. I felt I didn’t have any moral right to judge her. I was even feeling guilty that hers had ended while I was still holding on to mine in the shadows.

Besides, I still love her. The only problem is that I can’t seem to forgive her completely, even though a part of me believes she’s changed. Do you think there’s a way I can completely get over what she has done for our relationship to be good? I want to make things work.

—Dulah

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