HOW TO APOLOGISE TO YOUR SPOUSE

1. Don't justify why you did wrong. Accept it was wrong

2. Don't seduce your spouse into sex hoping that sex will make your spouse forget the wrong you did and you can escape humbling yourself to say sorry

3. Don't blame your spouse for making you do something wrong. Be an adult. Take responsibility for your actions

4. Don't send friends, family or siblings to apologise on your behalf. It shows cowardice. Face the one you have wronged

5. Don't belittle the wrong you did as if showing your spouse he/she is overreacting. If it is a big deal to your spouse, take it as a big deal 

6. Don't start listing your spouse's past wrongs when your spouse confronts you on your current wrong. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs 

7. Don't apologise on social media or put a post on Facebook or WhatsApp status hoping your spouse will see it without saying anything in private. Make your apology personal and heartfelt

8. Don't brush it off and move on as if nothing happened just because you know your spouse loves you. Don't sweep things under the carpet 

9. Don't throw money and gifts at your spouse and doing good deeds without addressing the hurt you have caused and the issue. You can't buy your way into healing. Healing is emotional, not material

10. Don't apologise rudely and casually saying "Aah, OK then, I am sorry then if that will make you stop complaining" just because your spouse has asked for an apology. Show genuine remorse 

11. Don't wait for when your spouse has decided to divorce you or to break up with you to let go of your ego and say sorry. You might be too late 

12. Apologise as soon as possible, sincerely, acknowledging your fault, recognising how it hurts your spouse, assuring him/her of your love and commiting to do better 

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde