60 Jokes For Teens That Will (Briefly) Stop the Eye Rolls

If getting a laugh out of a teenager was as easy as eliciting an eye-roll, we wouldn’t need articles like this. But here we are. Throw a barrage of relentlessly corny jokes at your teen, and you can expect to watch your punchlines ricochet weakly off the affectless force field of adolescence. Try to skew too cool with your dad jokes, and the special power of the dad joke will crumble at your feet. Yes, making the crowd laugh takes the highest dad joke skill and the perfect matrix of corny and cool.

What sets these jokes for teens apart? They’re more mature than your average knock-knock joke but still fall within the scope of family-friendly humor. Good jokes for teens make your teen laugh by acknowledging their maturity and intelligence — without getting dirty. Because clean jokes can be hilarious too if done correctly. Pull these legitimately funny jokes for teens out during dinner while competing for attention with their phone or during carpool. Having a few of these age-appropriate jokes up your sleeve will earn you a few laughs, if not status as a cool dad. The only hard part is not using them all at once.

Did you hear about the guy writing a construction book?

A. He’s still working on it.

Did you get your hair cut?

A. No, I got them all cut.

Can you put the cat out?

A. Why, is it on fire?

Why are eggs bad at telling jokes?

A. They always crack each other up.

What do you call a 12-inch nose?

A. A foot.

Why did the man fall down the well?

A. Because he couldn’t see that well.

What animal is the worst at hiding?

A. The leopard — he’s always spotted.

Where do cats go swimming?

A. The kitty pool.

Why are spiders such know-it-alls?

A. They’re always on the web.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A. A little hoarse.

How does the moon cut its hair?

A. E-clips it.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

A. Big hands.

Where do fruits go on vacation?

A. Pearis.

What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

A. Ouch!

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?

A. An envelope

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

A. It’s OK. He woke up.

Why can’t you trust an atom?

A. Because they make up everything.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A. A pork chop.

What did the grape say when he was pinched?

A. Nothing, he just gave a little wine.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

A. “Put it on my bill.”

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A. A stick.

Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

A. Because they can’t even.

Why did the selfie go to prison?

A. It was framed.

How do you make a tissue dance?

A. Put a little boogie in it.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

A. Because it has a silent pee.

What do you call an old snowman?

A. A creek.

What is red, orange, and full of disappointment?

A. High school pizza.

What do computers eat for a snack?

A. Microchips!

Why were the Math books sad?

A. It had too many problems.

What does a school and plant have in common?

A. STEM.

What did the middle schooler say to the high schooler?

A. Nothing, they texted.

What is the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple?

A. They’re both red except for the green one.

Why did Adele cross the road?

A. To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do you drown a hipster?

A. In the mainstream.

What did the Baby corn say to the Mama corn?

A. Where is popcorn?

What did one DNA strand say to the other?

A. Does my bum look good in these genes?

How do Minecraft players celebrate?

A. They throw block parties.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

A. It gets toad away.

Why do rappers need umbrellas?

A. Fo’ drizzle.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A. I don’t know, and I don’t care.

What gets sharper the more you use it, but dull if you don’t use it at all?

A. Students.

Why did the period tell the comma to stop?

A. It was the end of the sentence.

How did the bullet lose its job?

A. It got fired.

Where do cows go on Friday nights?

A. The moo-vies!

Knock, knock. / Q. Who’s there? / A. To. / Q. To who? / A. It’s to whom.

What is a cow without a map?

A. Udderly lost.

I was looking for the lightning when it struck me.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

What do you call Jay-Z’s former girlfriend?

A. Feyoncé.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

A. He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What do you call The Weeknd from Friday to Monday?

A. The Long Weeknd.

What do you call a Minecraft meetup IRL?

A. A block party.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?

A. Because they’re extinct.

What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty?

A. A late boomer.

My high school bully still takes my lunch money. But on the upside, he makes great fries.

Where do fish keep their money?

A. In the river bank.

What do you call hiking U.S. college students?

A. The walking debt.

Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?

A. They keep breaking out.

What do pre-teen ducks hate?

A. When their voice quacks.

Editor’s note: All of these jokes are in the public domain. However, we spotted a few of these on Thought Catalog, Wicked Uncle, Teens.LoveToKnow, Good Housekeeping, and Mum Lyfe, which we can’t recommend strongly enough.