How Much Should You Spend On a First Date?

What’s the relationship between how much you spend and how well the date goes? At first glance, frankly, there isn’t one. You can spend $10 on coffee and a walk and have an amazing date that leaves you eager for a second one. You can spend $100 at a fancy cocktail bar and decide you never want to see the person again at the end of it. There’s an element of randomness to issue. Some people might take note of the effort and budget that go into a first date. Others may insist on going Dutch. Some men appreciate when a woman offers to split the bill, but still insist on picking up the tab. Some guys spend more to impress their date, others stick to a cheap date on purpose, because they don’t want to get taken advantage of before getting to know someone. Some people have plenty of discretionary income to spend; others are on a strict budget. With all this in mind, you may be wondering how much to spend on a first date. The truth is, there are no black-and-white rules these days. Gender norms are shifting. People are feeling the effects of the economic climate and the high cost of living. Online dating has also disrupted the way singles meet and form relationships — first dates are often quick and casual to test the waters of compatibility without committing to a full evening out. But just because dating etiquette has evolved doesn’t mean that you can’t set your own benchmarks for approaching first dates. RELATED: ​​How to Handle the Check on a First Date Without Making It Awkward Considering the maximum amount you’d be willing to spend in advance can help you plan a great date while avoiding situations such as blowing your budget to impress someone or regretting how much you spent. The following insights will help you make choices that will benefit both your wallet and love life. How Much Do Men Spend on First Dates? When navigating the sometimes murky waters of the dating world, it can be helpful to understand how other people do things. Research conducted by OnePoll in partnership with LELO looked at the cost of dating. The results were insightful. According to to the study, the average person had gone on eight dates in the past six months, costing $189 each. Interestingly, men said that good dates cost about $220, while women believed that good dates cost about $170. (Keep in mind that the survey findings don’t specify whether those dates were first dates or not.) On the r/askmen subreddit (not affiliated with AskMen the publication) the answers to a thread titled “How much do you pay on the first date?” tended to range from less than $20 to not more than $100, with the exception of a couple higher spenders. Several men commented that they prefer to keep the first date cheap and spend more on the second one. And a few people said they avoid dinner when meeting for the first time. Will Spending More Make a Good First Impression? If you’re an average guy, you probably care about making a good first impression. You don’t want to appear cheap, but you may not want to plan something over-the-top and look showy. Barbie Adler, founder and president of matchmaking firm Selective Search, says that you can be open about these matters instead of relying on unspoken assumptions. Suppose that you’re into women and that there’s one you are really hoping to impress. But you’re not sure where she stands on the matter. Well, it may sound surprising, but you can just ask. “Or better yet, make an offer and see how she responds. If you want to pay for a meal, for example, then politely offer to do so before the bill arrives or even before the date,” suggests Adler. “This demonstrates your interest while also showing your date that you are taking her feelings and boundaries into consideration.” You can even use the first date as an opportunity to learn more about a romantic prospect. Ask questions. Are they new to the area? Do they appreciate good food? Also, consider whether there is an activity or place you’d like to share, as it’s an opportunity to give your date a glimpse into who you are. The whole point is getting to know each other, after all. RELATED: Fun Date Ideas to Try After the First One Why First Dates Don’t Have to Cost a Ton “First dates don’t have to break the bank,” adds Chris Pleines, dating expert at DatingScout, who suggests choosing a venue that fosters good conversation and feels authentic while also considering your date’s preferences. RELATED: 9 First-Date Conversation Tips That Actually Work While some women may associate an expensive date with a man putting in more effort, there are plenty who wouldn’t judge you for taking a more budget-friendly route. Half of Americans in the OnePoll/LELO survey mentioned above even believe it’s OK to take someone on a free date — 47% of respondents said they wouldn’t judge their date for doing so. When you take the initiative to plan a date and pay for it, thoughtfulness and effort go a long way. You don’t need to spend a fortune to plan something special. “Two things come to mind when I see the phrase ‘cheap date’: the first is a meal at a greasy restaurant or fast-food place, and the second is a coffee date in a nice local park. Both of these dates are technically cheap, but the first one feels cheap,” says Adler. RELATED: First Date Mistakes to Avoid The Pros and Cons of Cheap vs. Expensive Dates Still unsure about how much to spend on a first date? There are pros and cons to both budget-conscious dates and expensive ones. The coffee-and-a-walk vs. fast-food-dinner dichotomy that Adler mentioned can be a tricky distinction to navigate, and it won’t be the case for everyone. RELATED: Map Shows The Average Cost of a Date in Every U.S. State But essentially, the principle at work is: if the date feels romantic, special or beautiful, it doesn’t need to be expensive. Whereas, even if the date is expensive, if it feels boring or unpleasant, it won’t make you look good. However, it’s true that spending more on a date can create a memorable experience and add excitement by providing an environment where you and your date can enjoy something out of the ordinary, says Pleines. It can also make your date feel special. “However, it can set high expectations for future dates and put pressure on maintaining that level of spending, potentially overshadowing genuine connection,” adds Pleines. Plus, if the date doesn’t go well, you’ll be out of a good chunk of money. RELATED: Things Women Expect From Men on First Dates As for cheap dates, they can provide a more relaxed and authentic atmosphere while putting the emphasis on exploring your connection. “But if not done thoughtfully, it might come across as lacking effort or interest, raising concerns about genuine investment in the experience,” notes Pleines. Whatever you end up doing, don’t spend beyond your means. When in doubt, keep things simple but thoughtful – and don’t be shy to ask your date about their preferences. You Might Also Dig: Men Still Pay for the First Date, Says Study 13 First Date Hacks Will Change Your Game Immediately How to Follow Up After a First Date