Exploring Different Kinds of Taboo Sex

Have you ever felt excited by something that feels a little bit, well, wrong? That doesn’t make you weird, actually. As it happens, lots of people’s sexual fetishes lean towards the kinky side. (In fact, some studies show that more people identify as some form of kinky than vanilla.) In any case, sex is often considered sinful, dirty or inappropriate, and sometimes that leads to a mixing and blurring effect, where things that are taboo then become erotic. RELATED: The Couples' Guide to Getting Kinky In order to better understand taboo sex, AskMen spoke to some sex experts about different types of sexual taboos, exploring both why they’re considered “naughty” and why they’re considered hot. Here’s what they had to say: 1. Anal Sex Although anal sex and butt play have become increasingly normalized in recent years, any sexual activities involving the butthole still have some taboo quality to them. “This is taboo for many people due to ideas about the anus being dirty,” says Anna Richards, sex educator and founder of FrolicMe. Since the anus is a part of the body that expels human waste, any societal taboos around feces may find themselves transferred to the anus itself: gross, nasty, unhealthy, not to be touched, etc. However, this elides the fact that cleaning the anus is not especially complicated, and that anal sex has been a fixture of human interactions for millennia — it’s perfectly natural and normal. Some people may also see the anus as “not a pleasurable place to stimulate, especially for women,” says Richards, which can also contribute to the taboo — but for some that reputation may make it all the hotter, since it’s seen as rarer or harder to attain. “However,” Richards notes, “there are many nerve endings around the anus for people of all genders, and men especially can enjoy anal stimulation because it stimulates the prostate — the gland right inside the anus that produces fluid involved in ejaculation.” 2. Threesomes & Group Sex “In a mono-normative world in which monogamy is considered the default (and desired) relationship arrangement, it follows that any sex outside of this model is considered taboo,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. “In terms of what makes a threesome hot, there are so many possibilities,” she says. She mentions things like: “physical overwhelm (perhaps you want to feel the sensation of having you body touched by twenty fingers, two tongues, two sets of lips, etc. all at once),feeling intensely desired (perhaps you want all the attention and adoration directed your way by two lovers who are eager to please you), the sense of power (being able to attract two partners can feel powerful and validating regardless of gender), breaking the rules (the sense of risk associated with group sex can be hot in and of itself; some people are turned on by the mere act of breaking social conventions), and being of service (perhaps you want to bring pleasure to two partners at once and relish in the excitement of being a giver).” “Uncovering what excites you about a threesome can be helpful when communicating your desire to a partner,” O’Reilly adds. “If you can talk about what specifically appeals to you about a fantasy/sex act, it can help your partner to understand your motivation instead of worrying about or being threatened by your fantasies.” “Sharing what appeals to you about a threesome fantasy can also help you to play with elements of the fantasy without fulfilling the fantasy in real life,” she says. RELATED: What Makes Women Want to Have a Threesome “For example,” O’Reilly notes, “if you find a threesome appealing because you think it would be hot to be physically overwhelmed with hands, tongues, lips and bodies all over you, you can play with parts of that fantasy on your own or with a partner — even if a threesome isn’t realistic or accessible at this time.” 3. Cuckolding Sexually, men are typically expected to be dominant — but some men prefer to watch other men do the dominating rather than doing it themselves. Watching the act instead of participating can be relieving — if you feel incapable of living up to the masculine ideal of a muscular, porn-star-like lover, it can be a way of escaping the tension you feel in that role. That’s some of what’s at play when it comes to cuckolding, a term that’s gotten some increased interest in recent years in the form of the shortened term “cuck.” “Cuckolding is taboo because it tends to involve an element of humiliation: one man is dominating the other one by showing how good he is in bed compared to the other one,” says Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Fleshy and author of Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject. “Some people get off on this humiliation.” However, the humiliation aspect isn’t a necessary part of the pleasure of cuckolding, Weiss says. RELATED: Guide to Hotwife & Cuckoldry Some people “simply like watching their partner be pleasured by someone else,” she explains. “There is also an exhibitionist element, of wanting to involve someone else in your sex life, and to know you have such a hot partner that someone else wants them too.” 4. BDSM Sex Sex is often thought of as a tender moment between two lovers, all about pleasure and caresses. BDSM sex flips this idea on its head — and then flogs it. “Despite becoming more mainstream in recent years, BDSM — which encompasses a range of sex acts including bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism — is still considered taboo by many,” says Stephen Quaderer, CEO of ThotExperiment and creator of Headero, “BDSM purposefully transgresses some deeply entrenched societal norms, turning our normalized conceptions of power, humiliation, pain and pleasure on their head.” “This transgression,” he notes, “when coupled with an erotic or sexual dynamic, can be incredibly exciting. To voluntarily give power to another, or to accept pain or punishment (all within the bounds of consent and practiced safely, of course!) can take your sexual pleasure to all new heights. Within a BDSM scene we can create our own rules and cast society’s (at best, deeply imperfect) norms aside. And that’s pretty damn hot.” 5. Period Sex In the Bible and the Hebrew Torah, the book of Leviticus literally cautions on multiple occasions against having sex during a woman’s menstrual period. Is it any wonder it’s still a little taboo? “Period sex is taboo due to longstanding ideas about periods as unclean, messy, or inherently painful,” says Richards. However, in an age of medical information and easy access to washing machines, these old-fashioned beliefs don’t need to get in the way of some pleasurable period sex. On the flip side, Richards says, “many people experience extra sexual sensitivity during their periods because blood flow increases to the pelvis and the womb expands, leading to faster arousal and orgasms. Breast sensitivity may increase as well.” RELATED: What It’s Like to Go Down on Someone on Their Period As with anal sex, there could also be an excitement for some guys who date women around the idea that period sex is a rare and special thing that most women wouldn’t partake in — though that may not necessarily be the case, period sex is definitely off the table for some people, making this “It may feel intimate for a partner to be let in on a process like menstruation,” says Richards. 6. Pegging Pegging, aka a man being anally penetrated by a vulva-haver wearing a strap-on, has become much less taboo in the 21st century — but that doesn’t mean the taboo is entirely gone. Anal play in general is still taboo for straight men “due to the perception that it means the man is gay,” says Weiss. However, regardless of one’s sexuality, “due to the prostate and all the nerve endings around the anus,” as Weiss notes, pegging has immense pleasure potential. RELATED: What It’s Really Like to Get Pegged, Revealed “Pegging can also be interesting for reasons related to power play,” she adds. “A woman gets to be in the penetrating role, and a man gets to be the receiver, which can feel submissive and vulnerable. It is an exercise in trust.” 7. Watersports Much of sex involves wetness and genitals, so while watersports — aka urolagnia or piss play — may not be super common, it’s also not much of a leap from less-taboo acts. “Playing with pee can be highly arousing, and marrying pleasure with an act that is often associated with being dirty makes it highly taboo,” O’Reilly explains. “People are excited by pee play for many reasons,” she says. “You might love the sensation of losing control and allowing your body to release fluids without inhibition; this can be particularly hot and subversive, as Western cultures require an intense degree of controlling our bodies on a regular basis.” For instance, O’Reilly notes, “slurping, chewing loudly, burping, spitting, passing gas, etc. are all relegated to private spaces and often frowned upon or shrouded in shame even in private.” “Playing with pee is a way to subvert these norms, and when you combine it with sexual pleasure, it can be freeing and exciting,” she adds. RELATED: What It’s Really Like to Experience a Golden Shower Or, it may be more about the physical sensations of piss play, O’Reilly says, such as the smell, the taste, the warmth, or the feeling of wetness. “You might love the act of a partner letting go and experiencing so much pleasure that they relinquish all inhibition and release a warm liquid over your body (directly or through latex),” she adds. For some people, O’Reilly suggests, it’s hot “because it’s naughty; we are punished or shamed for peeing ourselves and when we rewrite this script to make peeing pleasurable, it can be empowering and hot.” Still other people enjoy it, she notes, as a form of Domination (“you might pee on your partner to mark your territory in a consenting dynamic”), as a form of punishment (“a partner might pee on you as part of a scene in which you’re chastised for being a bad girl/boy/lover/submissive/etc.”) or simply as a form of intimacy, by “sharing an act that is usually done in private.” 8. Choking Sex Choking during sex is another practice that’s seemingly become increasingly common in recent years, although, unfortunately, the upshot of that is a lot of people being choked non-consensually. Of course, it’s easy to “choke” a partner very lightly, without meaningfully impacting their oxygen intake. Sometimes the fantasy of having someone’s hand at your neck and simulating aggression, dominance or control can be enough for people to get off on it. However, taking it further should be done with extreme caution. “Choking during sex can be very dangerous if not done properly, so this is one reason it's taboo,” says Weiss. “There's also a taboo against BDSM in general due to the stereotype that the person doing it must be self-destructive.” RELATED: Kink Myths It's Time We Stopped Believing “If someone is interested in breath play, I'd recommend lighter forms of breath play, like verbally telling a partner to hold their breath or putting your hand at the base of their neck without squeezing on it — all after a thorough discussion, of course,” she says. “If you really want to engage in choking, I recommend taking a class from a professional.” Engaging in breath play or choking during sex should also always be accompanied by a safe word or safe gesture to ensure that it ends as soon as the person being choked wants it to. 9. Exhibitionist Sex The taboo against exhibitionism is an interesting one — it’s very widespread, but also somewhat weak. Rare is the person who hasn’t engaged in at least some form of it. “Exibitionism is taboo due to laws and stigma against nudity and a sex-negative culture that makes the human body seem inherently offensive,” says Richards. “Many people enjoy the feeling of being worshipped and admired, which is why exhibitionism appeals to many.” Knowing that other people can see you while you’re engaging in the act can be deeply exciting. Why else would so many people be curious about having sex in public? And yet it’s also something that there are literally laws against — so there’s no question that it’s still quite taboo on some level. RELATED: Here’s What It’s Like to Have Public Sex Want to explore exhibitionist streak without risking legal trouble? Luckily, there are lots of options, Richards says: “You can engage in exhibitionism by sexting photos of yourself to a partner, filming yourselves having sex, going to settings like sex parties or clothing-optional resorts, or simply having a partner verbally praise your body.” You Might Also Dig: 10 Weird Kinky Sex Acts You Should TryMistakes to Avoid When Trying Out KinkWild Sex Fetishes You've Never Heard Of