A Guide to Spitting vs. Swallowing: Pros and Cons of Blowjob Etiquette

Mainstream porn likes to end a blowjob with a cum shot, also known as a “money shot,” where the main actor shoots his ejaculate all over his willing partner’s face. 

And as popular as facials are in porn, when it comes to real-life blowjobs, the average guy probably prefers something a little bit different. That is, he wants his partner to swallow. 

RELATED: 5 Porn Moves You Shouldn’t Try in Real Life, Revealed

However, not every blowjob-deliverer feels the same way. The traditional alternative is “spitting” — when you let the person ejaculate in your mouth, but then spit it out rather than swallowing it. Some people might even prefer not to get any semen in their mouths at all, taking the erection out of their mouths entirely before the moment of climax. 

That kind of behavior would likely be frowned on by any self-respecting group of guys engaging in some casual male sex bragging, though. But why are guys getting blowjobs so passionate about their partners swallowing? And how can you navigate that discussion if you and the person giving you oral sex feel differently about the issue? 

To clear this up, a few sexperts help get to the truth about the issue — no matter how hard the information might be to swallow.  

Why Guys Love It When Their Partner Swallows

What does the best blowjob ever look like? A regular dude would probably say it involves swallowing. But why? 

Well, it might actually be less about the swallowing and actually, more about spitting.

“Plenty of reasons contribute to the expectation or desire for partners to swallow ejaculate,” says Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackandJillAdult.com. “The stereotype is that ‘certain’ people swallow — usually the fun, kinky, exciting people. The idea of spitting can sometimes be considered prudish or squeamish. The prevalence of swallowing is common in porn, as many times, it’s about ‘swallowing it down’ or ‘taking it all.’ There’s also a kink factor in swallowing — kinky people do it.”

In short, swallowing becomes sexy specifically when contrasted against spitting. Swallowing says “yum,” not “ick.” Swallowing is cool and fun; spitting is stiff and prissy. Swallowing keeps you in the moment, while spitting makes you feel a little bit disgusting, and shatters the illusion.

Of course, beyond the idea that swallowing is said to be sexier than spitting, there’s also, frankly, more straightforward reasoning for some people.  

“For some partners swallowing is just easier,” notes Lords. “There’s less mess, clean-up and confronting the sticky part of sex.”

Why Some People Might Not Want to Swallow

With all those reasonings, by now you might be wondering why anyone in their right might wouldn’t want to swallow. It’s sexier, cleaner and simpler. What’s not to love?

Well, as it turns out, a fair amount. 

“Some partners don’t want ejaculate in their mouth for different reasons,” says Lords. “They genuinely don’t enjoy it. They don’t like the taste. Concerns about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are also valid. It’s possible to get throat infections of gonorrhea and chlamydia. And semen may contain hepatitis B and HIV.” 

RELATED: Everything You Need to Know About Ejaculation Etiquette

Someone saying no to swallowing might be taking issue with the taste, texture or the temperature of semen. It could be the sensation of having it shoot into their mouths, with the possibility of catching an STI or with some combination of the above. 

Sometimes, they might not even able to verbalize it, but they know they don’t want to swallow (or want to spit, either). If that’s the case, you need to respect their wishes. 

“There is nothing wrong with swallowing — and there is nothing inherently wrong with spitting, either,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast. “Some people simply don’t like the taste, and other people are averse to swallowing bodily fluids. You don’t have to do everything you can imagine in order to have a hot sex life. If you’re not into it, you don’t have to do it.”

How to Have the "Spitting vs. Swallowing" Conversation

While you absolutely should not ejaculate without warning into someone’s mouth, or demand that they swallow when they don’t want to, it is possible to have a conversation about the subject if you’re coming at the issue from two different places,  

“Talking about spitting vs. swallowing is a good conversation to have,” says Lords. “Ultimately, the decision rests with the partner who’s going to have semen in their mouth. It’s OK to let your partner know you find swallowing hot, sexy or kinky. But they get to decide if it’s what they want to do.” 

One way to get the conversation off to a good start? Frame it as a question, not a demand. 

“Conversations that open with questions are often more fruitful,” notes O’Reilly. “Rather than simply stating your desires or expectations, why not ask your partner what they like or what their experience with swallowing has been like? Oftentimes, folks ask me how they can convince their partner to perform a specific sex act, but if you begin with the mindset that you’re going to talk your partner into something, you risk pressuring them into doing something they don’t want to do. Instead, consider presenting options to your partner, but be equally mindful of your partner’s desires and boundaries.”

RELATED: 7 First-Time Hookup Mistakes Lots of Guys Make

It’s not offensive if you were to follow-up with a “why?” if they say they aren’t a huge fan of gulping down your sperm. Just phrase it nicely, and don’t guilt them into it.

“Listen with an open mind and ask questions in a judgment-free way,” suggests Lords. “It’s OK to ask, ‘Is there anything we can do or try to make swallowing more appealing?’ It’s not OK to say, ‘If you really cared about me, you’d at least try it.’ Listen to their reasonings and let them know you support their decision. Remember, if you make them choose between spitting or swallowing, your partner may just decide not to give you a blowjob at all.”

Alternative Options for Spitting and Swallowing

If you the conversation you have with your partner doesn’t have the outcome you were hoping for, you’ll just have to accept it. If your partner doesn’t want to swallow, that’s their prerogative. 

But there are more ways to end a blowjob than just spitting and swallowing, and understanding why you and your partner have different preferences can help you find something you can both agree to without either of you being grossed out or disappointed. 

For instance, if the main thing you hate about your partner spitting is the force of the rejection of your bodily fluids, O’Reilly suggests keeping a glass next to your bed so that they can quietly drool the semen out but stay next to you, rather than leaving to go to the washroom and/or loudly spitting.

Or, if the main issue your partner has with swallowing is the taste of semen, there are ways around that, O’Reilly notes — like deep-throating, if that’s something they’re comfortable with, so the ejaculate lands further down and doesn’t linger on the tongue. 

Alternately, you can try to alter your diet somewhat to help produce tastier semen. 

“Urologists believe that it’s fairly consistent from penis to penis, but many experienced tasters say otherwise,” notes O’Reilly. “We don’t have scientific evidence that drinking pineapple juice will make you taste sweeter or that if you eat a hot dog you’ll taste like a hot dog, but experienced tasters — a number of my friends who work in the adult world — tell me that when you eat sweet fruits, vegetables and herbs, it can temper the taste of semen to heighten its sugary flavor [and] that smoking, caffeine and preservatives can result in a more bitter taste.”

If your partner’s comfortable with the taste of semen but their main issue is the sensation of the ejaculation occurring in their mouth, see if they’d be willing to swallow some of your ejaculate after you climax, say, by licking it off your stomach and chest. 

Or, if the texture’s the issue, mixing in a sip of a drink — like tea or soda — immediately afterwards can dilute the texture into a more liquid state.

Finally, if your partner absolutely doesn’t want semen in their mouth in any way, you can consider other approaches that make you feel sexy about your orgasm without it needing to end up in your partner’s mouth. 

O’Reilly suggests that the partner performing oral tell the receiver where they do want the cum to end up — something like “‘Come on my chest. Put it all over me. Let me watch you.’” That kind of dirty talk can be incredibly arousing, and can help divert the focus away from the whole question of whether to spit or whether to swallow.

RELATED: Here’s How to Talk Dirty Like an Absolute Champ

At the end of the day, spitting and swallowing aren’t the only two options when it comes to how a blowjob can end, and getting caught up in your partner choosing one over the other can lead to some deeply unpleasant interactions. 

Is there anything worse than doing something nice for someone only to be told you did it wrong? If the other person brought you to climax, that’s something to celebrate — not get mad about. 

You Might Also Dig:

• The Giant AskMen Guide to Cunnilingus
• The Giant Guide to Foreplay (Seriously, You Need This)
• Things Guys Get Wrong About Sex