When You Fall in Love With a Man Who Dreams of Travelling Abroad, Don’t Fund It

I read a story here about a lady who sold her land to help her husband travel abroad, only for him to divorce her. That story has pushed me to share my own.

I met my ex-boyfriend when I was in secondary school. At first, he was not my type at all. But one day, I had a conversation with him. I saw from the way he talked that he had a dream. He was ambitious, and by all means, I wanted to be part of it. So, I followed his vision and said yes to him.

We started our relationship on a good note. I completed secondary school the same year he completed university. He wasn’t originally from Accra, but I was. So he stayed in Accra for his national service, and later got a job there.

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I knew he was cheating on me back then, but I was gullible. Anytime he cheated and apologized, I forgave him. Love is not only blind sometimes, it makes you stupid.

He urged me to get a job after school, so I did. I earned well. As a sort of appreciation for him pushing me, I paid for his graduation suit, cooked for him, bought him groceries. I took care of him like he was my child.

One of his biggest visions was to travel abroad for his master’s degree. He applied and got a scholarship. One day, his friend called me. “Your boyfriend needs help with going abroad. He is your husband, so help the boy now. I beg you.” He said my boyfriend was desperate for money to travel, that none of his family members were willing to help, so he was begging me to assist him.

I told his friend I was scared. He had been cheating on me while in Ghana, so what showed he wouldn’t leave me once he travelled? His friend assured me he wouldn’t. I still don’t know how he planned to make sure, but I took his word for it. I spoke to a few people in my circle, and one person urged me to help him. That was my biggest mistake. I should have played deaf.

First, I asked him how much he needed, went to my account, and withdrew the money. I even went to West Hills Mall to buy a medium suitcase and filled it with groceries for him to travel with. My parents didn’t know I had such money because it wasn’t even evident that I was earning that well.

At that time, I had also gained admission to school, so I was busy with my own preparations. Later, he told me he needed more money. It was time for me to leave for school, so I gave him my ATM card and told him to withdraw what he needed. I didn’t think far. I didn’t think of the worst scenarios.

I left for school before he left Ghana. Do you know that when he was leaving, a lady I had caught him cheating with, someone he promised me he was no longer seeing, was among the three friends who saw him off at the airport?

His friend sent me the picture and wrote, “See the man you’ve given your money to travel.” I was shocked, but I stayed calm.

When he got there, things changed. For the first few months, if he called and heard my colleagues making noise in the background, he would get angry and hang up. Then suddenly, he became busy. One day, the same friend who had asked me to help him called. He said, “Maame, my friend will start misbehaving very soon. He says he has met someone there. But I’m begging you, be patient with him.” I said okay.

A few days later, the drama started. He told me he wasn’t coming back to Ghana anytime soon and didn’t want to waste my time. If I met someone interested in me, I was free to go.

I nearly collapsed. But for love’s sake, I told him I would wait.

Then something happened. I came home from school and collected my ATM card from his friend. My friend and I went to withdraw ten cedis just to check the balance. Brethren, the ten cedis didn’t come. My friend asked who I gave my ATM to. When I told her, she asked for my phone, and without my knowing, she took his number, went behind my back, and gave him the insults of his life.

One afternoon, I started getting messages from him insulting me. He said I had given his number to my friend so she could insult him. I tried to explain, but he wouldn’t listen. He threw insults at me and officially broke up with me.

I still thought he was joking at first. I spoke to his friends, his mother, and his siblings to plead on my behalf. The insults only got worse. He told me point blank that nobody could influence him to marry me, not even his mother.

It was then I realized it was truly over.

Since there was once love between us, I asked him to pay back the money I gave him to travel. He told me I didn’t loan it to him, so he wouldn’t pay. He said, “Do you know what other women do for their boyfriends?” Then he blocked me everywhere.

Brethren, I died inside and outside. I deferred four papers that semester and couldn’t go to school. It was then my mother found out. She consoled me, and my friends tried encouraging me to return to school.

One friend even told her mother about my ordeal, and the woman came to my house. She said she wanted to take me somewhere to destroy him. I told my mother, and she said, “Leave him to God.” So I prayed. I prayed hard for God to deal with him, left, right, and centre. I asked karma to show his power.

Years later, in church, a pastor asked me to let it go so my own blessings could come. I forgave him in my heart.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

Then, a year or two ago, I can’t quite remember, he contacted me again. He said if there was anyone in Ghana he should have a baby with, it should be me. He wanted to have a baby with me, but he couldn’t promise marriage.

According to him, if he had a baby with me, the child would be a U.S. citizen, and I would automatically become one too. I thanked him and told him I wasn’t interested.

The respect he gives me now… err.

One thing I always ask myself is, what if I hadn’t bettered myself? What if I still needed help from him all the time?

I’ve learned this: better yourself and love yourself first before you help someone. Because when they don’t need your help anymore, nobody truly cares about you.

_Eunice

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