When He Had Nothing, I Gave Him Money. Now He Has Everything and Shares Nothing

We started from nothing. We didn’t even have a job when we started dating, but we had love that kept us going each day. We talked a lot about our dreams; get married, have three children, build a three-bedroom house, and be the best parents to our children. We knew these dreams wouldn’t happen on a platter unless we worked at it and also saved a lot of money.

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That led us to financial discussions on how we were going to manage our finances when we marry. We discussed everything to a T and even put some of them into writing so we don’t forget easily. I had a job first, and then a year later, he also had a job. All that while he wasn’t working, I was giving him allowances weekly. Something small to help him buy certain things for himself.

When he had a job, we celebrated it the way a country celebrates the winning of a World Cup. He brought his first salary to me to say thank you for being there for him. I said, “Let’s use this to open a joint account and save towards our wedding.”

We did exactly that for a little over a year, but when the time came for us to marry, we didn’t even touch that money because our individual savings could easily help us walk the aisle. A few months after marriage, my husband got a new job that brought him three times his previous salary apart from other numerous benefits.

Life was going to be better than it used to be, we both thought, but right after getting that job, my husband changed. He stopped contributing to the joint account and pushed aside all the financial plans that brought us to where we are now. He takes care of the basic things like rent, utilities, food, and fees for the two kids. When it comes to me, he says I should use my salary to take care of myself.

We had plans to start building, so we bought a piece of land together. Now he’s telling me he’s no longer interested in building in that area, so he’s saving to buy a house in a prime area. That would take him years to do, but in our initial plan, we would build our own house and move in as soon as possible so we stop paying rent.

He’s left me in limbo when it comes to the plans we’ve had for years, even before marriage. Days ago I showed him the ones we put on paper. He said, “That was then. Things are different now.”

He currently doesn’t involve me in anything. He’s buying a new car when our land is growing weeds. He bought the latest iPhone when his phone didn’t have a problem. He came home with an Apple laptop when the office had already given him a new one. The decisions he’s taking these days are very scary, and it feels like he’s driving the whole family into a ditch. But you can’t advise a rich man, so he doesn’t use my opinions for anything.

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What do I do in this situation? I don’t want to take a different financial route when we both had a solid plan. It will take me years to do it alone. I need him to revert to the original plan, but he doesn’t listen to me no matter how I say it.

—Adjovi

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