we complained about our boss but nothing changed, I don’t want to buy my boss a gift, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. We complained about our boss, but nothing has changed

Two months ago, three coworkers and I went to my grandboss and HR about my boss, Alexis, for a culmination of issues including: hostility towards others in both email and in-person (Alexis is notorious in our organization for this, and others outside our department will do anything to avoid speaking with her directly, often going to one of us to ask or request things), lack of communication and transparency regarding projects (she often tells only one of us what is going on regarding a project and we have a specific side chat to let the others know when this happens), lack of a clear promotion structure (three of the four of us have been here nearly a decade, but she won’t provide a clear way to move up, despite us all asking and all being held to specific manager-level expectations), and way too much micromanaging (including completely rewriting all of our work with AI). Please believe me that the issues we raised were persistent and egregious.

My grandboss and HR were very serious in the meeting and said they would meet with Alexis and provide clear expectations for her to work on. A month later, we had a meeting with Alexis and my grandboss, where Alexis essentially read from a piece of paper the steps she was going to take to improve, but kept emphasizing, “I can only control my own actions, so…” implying we were either somehow partially to blame or needed to contribute to the solution. She said this 3-4 times.

Alexis also said they will meet with each of us about exactly what she is able to do regarding promotions, saying, “If I could make everyone a manager, I would. I don’t have the kind of power you think I have.” We clearly stated to both our grandboss and HR that we just want clear expectations for how to be promoted and that we are already held to extremely high standards, especially compared to other departments We really just want acknowledgement of that, and that sentence felt dismissive.

Am I off in feeling put off by how this meeting went? We have another follow-up scheduled for later this summer to discuss how things are going. Alexis hasn’t done any of the things she read off in the meeting, other than changing how she emails us to include more complimentary language and less contentious requests.

No, you’re not wrong. That meeting sounds legitimately off-putting and frustrating. Alexis reading steps off a piece of paper is awkward, but not necessarily a bad outcome if the things she was committing to doing were good ones (were they?) and it seems to indicate that her own boss had a serious conversation with her, which is good. But repeatedly reminding you she can only control her own actions makes it sound like she was trying to shift the blame, and it sounds like she (or they) missed the point entirely that you’re not demanding to be promoted; you’re asking for clear expectations about what that path could look like. (And if there’s no actual path, she needs to just tell you that.) And “if I could make everyone a manager, I would” is silly and dismissive and makes it sound like she missed that point too.

In any case, since she hasn’t done the things she committed to in that meeting, that’s something you should raise with your grandboss now. Alexis was clearly pushed to make those commitments, and if it’s not happening, your grandboss presumably wants to know (and I wouldn’t necessarily wait for the scheduled follow-up if that’s a ways off).

All that said … it’s very hard to make a bad manager significantly better, particularly from below them, and at this point I’d assume that even if Alexis does make changes, they’re going to be around the edges rather than becoming an entirely new person, and you should plan accordingly for what you want to do with that reality.

2. Are employers using silly questions to filter out AI?

I’ve heard you speak many times about how questions intended to be a bit silly shouldn’t be part of an unrelated job application — like asking an applicant for a movie theater cashier position how they’d remove a million stuffed animals from a jet plane without touching it or something like that.

I just saw an example online that was from an application for a server position that asks, “If it takes 16 flapjacks to shingle a doghouse, how long would it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?”

While it was shared as a ridiculous question someone didn’t know how to answer, most said it is an AI filter as an AI answer to that question would be obvious. However, I’m not sure what a human would put and feel like I’d think on this as long as I did the rest of the application, trying to figure out what kind of answer they wanted, or if it was a simple answer and I’m missing some trick wording, etc.

If these types of questions are back to stay in the fight against AI, how should we real humans respond?

I’m not convinced that type of question is being used to filter out AI answers, because (a) some employers have asked ridiculous questions like this since long before AI was around, and (b) AI is as capable of coming up with a silly answer to that as humans are, so it wouldn’t be an effective filter. It’s more likely that the job application included that for the same old reason some applications have always included silly questions — because someone involved in hiring there thinks it’ll help them get a sense of applicants’ personalities.

As for how to answer, with a genuinely silly and nonsensical question like this (this one is a joke that’s been around for a while, as opposed to an actual brainteaser), they’re usually expecting something similarly jokey in response.

3. I don’t want to buy my boss a gift when my internship ends

There’s a custom at work for interns to buy gifts for their managers at the end of their work term (as a thank-you for hiring them, I guess?). Interns have typically spent $20-50 for personalized gifts. I don’t know when it started, but it’s been happening for several years at this point. I understand this is a faux pas due to the power dynamic and gifts should flow downward.

I am a soon-to-be leaving intern, and I do not want to give a gift. The problem is, there’s a handful of other interns under my manager who will be leaving with me, and they all plan on giving gifts. I am aware how being the only one who doesn’t participate will come across, but I’m prepared to tank the social repercussions.

It might seem petty, but there’s a voice in my head that wants to put an end to this tradition entirely. However, I feel like bringing this up with the other interns will make me look stingy or resentful, even if I am in the right. I’m also worried that if I successfully convince them, there is a small chance it could hurt them in the future (i.e., if they need a reference letter from the manager). Should I say something to the other interns? Is it even a good idea for me to abstain?

Wow, yes, that’s a messed-up tradition! If anything, the company should be giving gifts to departing interns, not the other way around. It’s problematic that managers there haven’t put a stop to it. That doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t express your appreciation for the internship when you leave — you should — but no intern should be spending $20-50 (!) on a gift for their boss.

In a healthy company with a decent manager, you not giving a gift when other interns do wouldn’t have any repercussions for you at all. But realistically — and particularly since yours is a manager who apparently has been happy to continue receiving these gifts — that may not be the case at your company. Personally, in your shoes, my gift would be a detailed letter about why I appreciated working with them (something that any decent manager will treasure more than a physical token anyway). Ultimately, though, it’s up to you.

However, is there anyone there who you think would be receptive to a conversation about ending the tradition? An internship coordinator, or even just a more senior colleague with good judgment? Talking with them about your concerns might be more effective than trying to convince the other interns to be the ones to end this.

4. Separating pay increases from performance reviews

For most of my professional career, my yearly performance review was when I would hear about my wage increases. This year, I heard that my previous company is separating the two conversations: there will be performance reviews and then some time after, in a different set of conversations, they will tell you about your increases (if any).

The explanation given was that they want the performance conversations to be just that — conversation purely about performance. Which I don’t quite understand because they’re going to use your performance to base the increases on.

My paranoid suspicions is that in previous cycles, everyone used to get an automatic increase and it was only a question of how much and this cycle they are separating it because fewer people will get the automatic increase. Can you think of other reasons why they would be doing this?

This is a thing that a lot of HR types are pushing at the moment. The argument is that when evaluations are done at the same time as salary increases, sometimes people are so distracted by the salary question that they don’t absorb all the feedback they’re getting, and separating the two conversations can keep the evaluation more focused on their performance and development. Pay is obviously connected to that and shouldn’t be divorced from it, but the idea is to space out the conversations into two separate parts.

5. My manager said I could go part-time, then changed her mind

A few months ago, I went to my boss and asked if I could go part-time. I asked if I could work Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays from 8am to 4pm. She agreed right away. I sent her an email to thank her for agreeing to the days and hours (which I put in the email), and she thanked me for giving her enough time to hire another part-time person for me to train.

Now, she is trying to say she doesn’t have to agree to let me go part-time. I’ve already contacted HR to let them know the date it would take place. She is now fighting me on this and I’m supposed to start part-time this month. Help! What can I do?

It’s true that she doesn’t have to let you go part-time. It’s not okay that she agreed to it and is now backtracking without (apparently) any explanation — if she reassessed, she should explain that to you and apologize — but she does have the standing to say she’s decided it won’t work for your team.

Have you asked her what changed and tried to understand her concerns? If not, try doing that. But ultimately she does have the authority to decide not to move forward with the switch (unless your company has policies to the contrary or someone above her overrules her).

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