Someone Tell Me If Waiting for a Man to Come and Marry Me Is Right

Somewhere in December of 2023, on a Sunday, I was in church. I was praying into the new year, asking for financial breakthrough, for unlimited favor, for grace and mercy. But most importantly, I asked God to give me a husband, a bone of my bone. It was the sight of a couple with their arms locked, speaking words of love to each other, that prompted me. It reminded me that I deserved love too. So, I looked up toward the altar, raised my hands, and asked God, “Oh Lord, please give me a man who will spoil me silly and love me this way.” It was simple, straightforward. He had a lot of prayers coming His way that day, so I had to go straight to the point.

Days later, my sister texted me asking for my photos. She rejected every picture I thought looked nice, then started asking for specific ones. My sister never asks for pictures of me, so it was weird. But with all her demands, I did as she asked. After that, she casually mentioned, “Someone is going to text you. Be nice to him.” I thought it was a questionnaire she wanted me to help fill out for a friend.

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Later, a man named Henri texted me. He was a colleague of my sister’s, and I remembered him because she used to speak so highly of him whenever his name came up.

We became friends, and when it became obvious that feelings were growing, we took a step further and started dating. Henri is good people. He has an amazing personality, tells the funniest jokes, and is so gentlemanly. He supports my dreams, urges me on, and carries me through. He is one of the few good men out there.

I am getting older, the age where society labels women as old, and my parents are on my neck. My mother passes comments, and I am supposed to take the lead on that. “If you looked good in your husband’s house, it would be better.” “Is this man you are posting your husband?” “When is your husband coming to see us?” “You are growing old.” Recently, my father has been trying to match me with his friend’s son. He is angry with me because I rejected that idea.

I understand where they are coming from as parents, but I am so much in love with Henri.

Henri is still studying for his Mphil. He is promising me that as soon as he graduates, he will come see my parents. I have talked about him. I trust him. But I am thirty-two. My clock is ticking, my parents are on my neck, and I have a biological clock to consider. Will he truly come? What if he delays? What if he falls in love with the graduate assistant? Worse case, he falls in love with a colleague.

Henri sounds like the prayer God answered, but what if he does not keep his word and I am left heartbroken, back to square one, and lonely?

I have discussed my fears with him. He says he understands, and he reassures me it will not happen. He tells me I should trust him. I want to trust him, but the voices in my head are laughing at me. History has shown that about most of the time, some men promise you a canoe ride on the ocean and then leave you there, scared, lonely, and heartbroken.

No matter how hard I try, I am afraid that he will leave me. And when that happens, I do not know how I am going to bounce back.

What Will Make You Leave Me After Forty Years Of Marriage?

I want to know: is he worth it? Do you think that if he fails to honor his promise, I will be fine in the end? Do you think that after two years, I can trust him and hold on to his word?

—Ayeyi

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