She Asked Me to Stop Drinking. Since I Did, the Love Has Faded

I didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend. I told her I wanted her to be my wife. “Say yes today and tomorrow we are married,” I told her. She didn’t take me seriously. She laughed every word I said off, but I was serious. I hadn’t seen any woman as beautiful as her. The connection was instant. My heart beat awkwardly, without a rhythm. She said, “I hear you, but leave it alone for now. One day I will give you a response.”

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She said yes. It took me three months of consistently reminding her of my love before I got a yes from her. I introduced her to my friends as my wifey. They called her beautiful. I told them we were getting married tomorrow.

She didn’t like my friends very much. She said they were a bad influence on me. “They take you to a bar to drink. They make you so loud, but when I’m alone with you, you’re such a quiet gentleman.”

It was hard, but one after the other, I let my friends go. Those I watched football with. Those I went out to chill with. Those who discovered new alcohol combinations and told me about it. I let all of them go.

I took her home to meet my dad and mom. I said, “Meet my wife.” My dad said he was proud of my choice. He asked about her work and the house she came from. She spoke carefully, picking her words from respect and humility. My dad told me to marry her as soon as possible. My mom supported my dad.

On our way going, I asked her, “When are we going to get married?” She answered, “When you stop drinking. I love you so much, but it looks like you love your alcohol more than me. Stop it and there will be no walls between us.”

I started drinking before I turned eighteen. I learned it from friends I met in high school. I wanted to belong. I was a shy person, but I realized whenever I drank something, the shyness disappeared. I drank so I could perform on stage. I drank heavily so I could propose to my SHS crush. Whenever there was a difficult task to be done, I took courage and vim from alcohol.

I told her, “I’ve been drinking for the past thirteen years. It would be very difficult to stop it at once, but because of you, I will try.”

I set goals for myself. I wouldn’t drink when I knew I was going to meet her. I wouldn’t drink on weekends, though it was very hard. My social life had become so small, so it helped me stay sober. She was observing. Sometimes my throat itched so hard I hid and drank something. When she caught me, I was honest about my weakness. She understood me and requested more transparency.

It took me over a year before I could go a whole month without drinking anything. I knew I was winning. I was resolute. Life was boring. The world couldn’t spin like a carousel to give me joy again, but looking at my girlfriend was enough for me. One day, I realized I’d gone a whole three months without drinking. I told myself, “I’ve won. This is it. I will make it six months, then I know I’m whole.”

While I was going through all these changes, my heart was also changing. There were a lot of things that brought me joy when I got drunk. Once I was no longer drinking, those things no longer brought joy. Unfortunately for me, those things included my girlfriend. I no longer find her beautiful. She doesn’t excite me the way she used to. I asked myself why I was determined to marry her. “She’s not that great? Why am I allowing her to take my joy from me?”

The whole love I have for her is gone. What was pushing me to marry her as soon as possible has relented, leaving me and my head to decide for myself. Some days I want to tell her she should give me space to think through things, but I know that will break her into pieces. She has invested a lot in me: trust, dedication, love, and her hope. She sees me and she’s proud of what she has been able to achieve. She sees a successful project in me.

I have her to thank for everything I am now. I’ve stopped drinking for now. I don’t know what will take me back, but what I know is that she’s not the one I want.

If there was another lady in the picture, I would have blamed myself for looking at another woman. There’s no one on the horizon. She’s the only one I call a girlfriend, but the love is no longer there. Everything is ordinary now, and I need to take a break from it all.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

How do I communicate this so it wouldn’t break her into pieces? She has plans, and in the plans, she’s going to say yes to marriage, and we are going to marry before this year ends. How do I look at her innocent face and tell her, “No, I’m no longer into this marriage project. I need a break?” Please tell me how.

—Obed

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