My Sister and I Are Not on Talking Terms Because of a Man

The week after I got married and moved out, my parents called me over a hundred times to complain about my sister. It was always, “your sister did this” or “your sister said that.” They claimed she does nothing at all, or if she does, it is only on her own schedule. On Saturdays, she sleeps until 9:00 or 10:00 AM before she finally picks up a broom.

She is the baby of the family and the only person I can truly call my sister. We have a stepsister, but she is not interested in our lives. After she moved abroad, she deliberately withdrew from us. In her own words, me and my younger sister “don’t have a problem.”

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Because of that, my younger sister holds a special place in my heart. I pampered her. Growing up, I did all the chores while she slept until the sun was high. When I cooked, I only asked for her presence in the kitchen so we could talk and laugh. I had her back from primary school through university, at every stage of her life.

My sister is nearly thirty, and I believe I played a large part in the person she has become. She never listen to any of us, especially our parents. It is true that our parents lack a formal education, but those same people worked hard to put us through university. She does not see it that way. If you are not wearing a suit, she shuts her ears to you. Even with me, she treats me like a doormat. She asks for my advice only to do the opposite. She never calls unless she needs something. My children barely know her; they are closer to my friends than to their own aunt.

When my parents call to tell me about her lifestyle, regret washes over me. I feel I am the one to blame. I have vowed many times not to meddle in her life, but I always do. My husband calls her a narcissist, but I do not want to believe she is one.

Her constant argument is that our parents love me more, but that is far from the truth. After living with people for so long, you learn what upsets them. She refuses to learn, so she is always at odds with them. I believe it is only God’s wisdom helped me relate to them better.

My problem now is the man she’s dating. I have watched my sister go through friends like clothes in a boutique, picking them up and dropping them. It is the same with her dating life. A little over a year ago, she started dating a man. They were originally “friend with benefits.” Things turned sour and they broke things because the man hacked her WhatsApp to read her private messages.

This same man went to my parents to talk about it. After that talk, he dumped her. My parents felt used and insulted. They honestly thought he came to save the relationship, not to burn the bridge.

When she came to me crying, I told her to walk away from the toxicity. I was ready to be her rock while she healed. But then, two months later, she is back to him. Now they are everywhere together, and he is even back at the house helping her out. It is like they say: the love is “stronger than apartheid.”

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We haven’t spoken since. We watch each other’s social media updates in silence. When I call my mother, I see my sister in the background, but I do not speak to her. It hurts that this is happening with my only full sibling. I pray for her and wish we could be close like other sisters. I wish she could be the aunt my children deserve. I wish she would humble herself and see how much our parents love her. Sadly, I feel these wishes may never come true because she is not ready to change.

—Noami

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