My Neighbour Thinks He Can Use Me Because I’m a Single Mother

There’s this neighbour of mine who recently broke up with his girlfriend and started talking to me. It became an everyday thing. Sometimes he would bring drinks, sometimes small gifts for my son. In my head, I thought he was just being nice. But it started feeling too serious, too fast. And the moment his female friends showed up, he would act like I didn’t exist. That was my first red flag.

One day, I sent him a message and asked what exactly he wanted from me. His behaviour was confusing. He replied that it was nothing serious. I didn’t understand what he meant, so I asked again. That’s when he made it clear. He didn’t want a relationship. He wanted sex without commitment.

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I was angry. Very angry. How could he think of me that way? How could he reduce me to that? I bluntly told him to stay away from me and my son. But he didn’t stop. He kept being nice. Almost like he was determined to finish what he started.

Then one Saturday, I was down. My business wasn’t doing well. I was outside, praying and trusting God to come through for me. I ended up crying. He saw me. He came over and asked what was wrong. I didn’t want to open up, but I was vulnerable. I needed someone to talk to. And he was available. He had once told me I could come over and watch a movie with him. So I thought maybe this was the time. Maybe he was offering me space to breathe, to talk, to feel heard.

I went to his place so that I could talk to him and be heard . And the worst happened. We had sex.

Afterwards, I didn’t even ask him what we were. But the first thing he said was that he was still healing from his breakup, which was just two months ago. He said he didn’t want anything serious. He said he was emotionally unavailable.

I wasn’t expecting a relationship either, but the way he said it right after everything cut deep. I felt ashamed. I haven’t gone back since. And he noticed.

Two days later, he brought another lady home.

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He said we should do it without emotions. He said it was nothing. Just sex. That was the moment I advised myself. I realized he just wanted to use me. He’s doing everything possible to get me back to his room. But I’m staying calm. I’m making sure that nonsense doesn’t happen again.

He clearly doesn’t see me as someone worthy to be his woman. Maybe because I’m a single mother. But he wants to take advantage. I know there’s someone else in the picture. He’s just not emotionally available for me. And that’s okay.

What matters is that I haven’t gone back to be used.

So girl, these men can only use you when you make yourself available. Choose yourself. Mine is even a neighbour, but I’m trying so hard to avoid him.

—Kezia

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