my company accidentally removed my access during layoffs, non-alcoholic beer at work, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My company accidentally removed my access during layoffs

A few weeks ago, my company did a round of layoffs. While I kept my job, I (and at least a few other people I know of) was invited to the layoff announcement call and had all of my company access removed by mistake. I’m still not totally clear on how a mistake like that even happens, but the result was a very stressful day with my boss texting me reassurances that it was a mistake and I did still have a job, followed by several days trying to get all my access to different systems restored before I could actually work effectively again.

At this point, things are back up and running and I’ve received several apologies from my boss, grandboss, and others on my team. I appreciate the sentiment, but what I’d really like is some acknowledgement of error and accountability from HR or whatever team was actually responsible for this. At this point I don’t think I’m going to get that, but is there anything I can reasonably do to push for something like that? I know companies are not always known for any real accountability, especially when layoffs are involved, but it feels especially hypocritical given the stated company values involving things like maintaining high standards and holding ourselves accountable for mistakes and acknowledging when they happen.

Whether or not I get a real apology, I also worry this is going to completely sour my view of the company and its leadership. How much of a red flag would you consider this to be? I like my job overall, but it is a case where I have much more confidence in my immediate team than the company as a whole and this is definitely contributing to that.

There’s no point in pushing for an apology from HR. If you were going to get a genuine one, it would have already happened; if it only comes after you push for it, it’s just pro forma and wouldn’t have real meaning. I fully understand why you’d like to see them taking accountability for what happened, but for whatever reason it’s not coming. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t a serious reckoning within their department for how it happened (in fact, I’d assume there was; this is a big deal), but they’ve apparently decided not to share that with you. But it’s more important that the people who have the more primary relationships with you — your boss and grandboss — apologized in a way that felt sincere to you, and it sounds like that did happen.

As for how much of a red flag it is, it depends on whether it’s part of a pattern or not. If the company is routinely sloppy about important things, or careless or callous about how it treats employees, then the pattern itself is very much a red flag. If it seems more like a surprising outlier, then it’s just a really bad mistake.

2. Drinking a non-alcoholic beer at work

I know that in most workplaces, drinking alcohol on the job is a clear no, but with non-alcoholic beers and alternatives being so popular now, I was wondering if that makes any difference. Virgin cocktails and mocktails have been around for a while, but I feel like a non-alcoholic beer has other issues associated with it. And does it matter if it’s on your own time at lunch, or perhaps at an off-site lunch?

This is entirely about optics: if you look like you’re having an alcoholic drink at work, the answer to “should I do this at work?” is the same as the answer would be to “should I have an actually alcoholic drink at work?” That’s because people will see you and assume that’s what happening, and most of them won’t ask you about it to give you a chance to correct the record.

It’s the same answer for on your own time at lunch or at an off-site: if it would be a problem to be drinking an alcoholic beverage, it’s likely to also be a problem to be seen drinking one that appears to be alcoholic. That doesn’t mean you couldn’t clear it up if you were asked … but you might not get the chance to.

And particularly in the office, even if you explain that it’s non-alcoholic, it’ll just look like an odd choice since there so many other beverages you could choose.

3. My boss said he’d understand if I left

I have been working as the sole IT person (systems administrator) for a company for over 12 years. I have gone over and above my role. Recently, when the previous CEO and CFO retired, I took on many of their tasks as the current CEO and CFO have not been trained on that work and in some instances are not technically able to take it on.

I recently asked for a possible job promotion to a senior position. I was flat out declined. The main reason was because I was following protocol set out by previous management and the new management wanted a different protocol. The issue: they neglected to advise me of the new protocol. In addition, my manager (the CEO) advised, “If you decide to go elsewhere, I would understand.”

How do I approach my current CEO about his lack of communication on protocol changes, and is his comment vastly inappropriate?

I don’t think the comment was inappropriate. I’d take it at face value: he knows what’s going on isn’t ideal for you, and he’d understand if you decided to move on. It’s possible he means more than that — like they actually think it’s time for you to move on, perhaps because you and the organization have grown in different directions — but there’s no way to say without knowing more about the context. If you’re not sure either, there’s no reason you can’t go back to him and say, “I’ve been thinking about your comment that you’d understand if I decided to move on, and I want to make sure there’s not subtext I’m missing. Do you feel like that would be the better outcome for the organization, given the changes?” But don’t ask this if you’re not prepared for him to say yes.

Beyond that, you could say that you want to make sure you’re doing your job the way they want it done and you weren’t able to do that because no one talked to you about the changes in protocol, and ask how you can ensure that doesn’t happen in the future. (But if this was a one-time thing and not part of a pattern, and especially if everyone seems to agree it was a mistake that shouldn’t be repeated, you don’t need to do that.)

4. Can my resume include handling the probate for family estates?

I’ve been unemployed since February of 2025, thanks to DOGE. While I applied vigorously for jobs at first, I have not recently. I had two family members die in the past nine months, and I have instead been probating their estates. As anyone who has gone through this will know, it can be a ton of work, and often involves many tasks that you had never thought you’d have to complete (I had to figure out how to sell dump trucks, for instance). I’m aware that for the most part, these tasks are not anything that a company would be interested in hearing about on my resume, unless I perhaps was looking for a career in selling heavy-duty vehicles. And I have no one supervising me, unless you count the courts reviewing my filings to make sure I’m adhering to estate law/accounting.

However, I am (was?) also a data analyst, and I have written a program in R Markdown to help create the probate filings, compiling every transaction into the appropriate tables and applying calculations (fees, inheritance tax, and asset gains/losses) as prescribed. It’s been a great way to keep — and even grow — my coding skills, now that I’m not using them every day. Would it be reasonable to include this on a resume?

On one hand, it would be nice to show that I’ve been doing something other than twiddling my thumbs for the past year-plus. On the other hand, I fear it reads as me trying to elicit sympathy and/or that I’ve listed something that isn’t a “real” job (especially as I’m completing this for family members, not consulting to other individuals on how to complete the process). If I did list it, what would I even use as the header? “Personal Representative, [my state] Estates”? Should I list the estate names (or is that too much personal information)? E.g. “Personal Representatives, Estates of X and Y”? If it is inappropriate for a resume, should I perhaps just list it on LinkedIn, or simply bring it up in an interview if asked about my extended employment gap?

You shouldn’t list it as a job in the Employment section of your resume, since it’s not — but you can list it in an Other section toward the end. The focus should be on the programming, not the estate work itself, so no title or estate names are needed. It would be something like: “Wrote program in R Markdown to manage estate probate process, including XYZ.”

The reason you shouldn’t focus on the estate work itself is for the same reason that you can’t include things like running your own household or planning your wedding, no matter how involved those things are (i.e., it’s a fairly common life activity, you’re not accountable in the way you would be at a job, and they have no way of knowing how well you did at it). But the programming project itself is listable.

Related:
can I put running my household on my resume?

5. How is parental leave supposed to work, exactly?

I’m hopefully going to have a reason to use parental leave in the next year and a half or so, and I’m looking ahead at how my time off will work. My company provides one week paid parental leave (an amount so low it’s almost insulting), and then I’d be required to use any PTO I have accrued before I can use short-term disability or take unpaid time off up to the FMLA max of 12 weeks.

I’ve been at this job for a while, so I accrue a good amount of PTO each year — about five weeks. I can roll over one week per year, and that happens at the end of January. I don’t have separate sick time. So, if I save ALL my PTO for a year AND have a week from the prior year, then I would have up to seven weeks paid leave (the one week parental, plus five weeks earned PTO, plus one rolled over), and five weeks on short-term disability (two-thirds pay). (I know it’s unrealistic to imagine not using any PTO in a year, especially one with a ton of doctor’s appointments, but just to make the math easier.)

But that would only work if I have a baby in late December, right? Because before that, I haven’t accrued all the time — and after that, I’ve lost any time I haven’t used and can’t roll over. If I have a baby in February, I’d be looking at two weeks paid, six weeks on two-third pay, and the final four weeks fully unpaid.

I don’t need to be told this sucks, and I don’t need to be told it’s typical in the U.S. I know the only real solution is parental leave on the state or federal level, and that’s not going to happen soon enough.

What I’m wondering is — what do real people do? Plan the conception around their PTO cutoff? Are companies ever flexible about letting parents-to-be roll over more PTO, if they’re for sure going to use it for parental leave super soon? Do they let you borrow from future PTO before it’s accrued? Is it worth even asking? Are there other options, or do parents just … not get paid for a month or so, right after incurring a huge hospital bill?

Some companies will let you borrow from future PTO before it’s accrued. Most won’t let you roll over more PTO than other people can, although it’s worth asking if they will specifically for this situation because, who knows, they might say yes. Also, make sure that you’re looked at your state laws, because some require specific amounts of paid parental leave.

But otherwise, yes, without paid parental leave, people are stuck cobbling together what they can from PTO and short-term disability, and then taking the rest unpaid, and it is very bad.

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