My Boyfriend Wants to Marry Me But He Hates Women

I started dating my boyfriend Mike last year, and honestly speaking, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Mike is everything I want in a man. He’s funny, always cheerful, loyal, kind, a good chef, and very clean. Since I met Mike, he has taken it upon himself to take care of all my needs, from the biggest to the smallest. I don’t even need to ask for things because he’s always eager to do everything for me. He even gets angry when I buy things with my own money, and to crown it all, he’s good in bed.

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I was hesitant about dating Mike because we have a 10-year age gap. I’m 25, and he’s 35, but he has proven to me that the gap doesn’t matter. We talk and play like agemates, and he made it so easy for me to fall in love with him. It’s been almost a year, and we’ve never had any major issues, just small ones, and we don’t let problems carry over to the next day.

Sometimes I ask myself what I did to deserve this kind of love because this is my best relationship so far and the most peaceful one.

Now my problem with Mike is that he always has something terrible to say about women. All the time! We could be walking on the road, and he’ll see a woman on the bigger side, and he’ll talk so badly about her: “How the woman will kill her husband with her weight, how she’s probably smelly”. If he sees one with a big backside, he’ll say once the lady turns 30, everything will be rubbish and there’s nothing attractive about her anymore. He’ll completely tear the woman down.

If he sees someone with knock knees, he’ll comment. He sees another and talks about how ugly she is and how no man could ever desire her. He sees another and says they’re dressed like prostitutes, or he’ll outright call them one.

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Most of our arguments are based on things he says about other women. It’s always as if he’s outside on a mission to look for faults in women and talk badly about them.

Mike is one of those men who believe that once a lady turns 30 without marriage, she hasn’t achieved anything, no matter how financially stable she is. He’s one of those men who will see a bad driver on the road and immediately conclude the driver is a woman because “it’s women who make those kinds of silly mistakes, not men.” If he sees a woman in a position of power, he just waits for her to make a mistake so he can say, “That’s how women are. They can’t handle such positions.”

He also believes that a lady’s financial independence is a threat to a man’s leadership. He says this often, and I’m tired of debating with him.

Here’s what confuses me the most: despite all these things he says, since I met him, my business has grown from making 100 cedis to 1000 cedis. Mike pumps money into my business, gives me business ideas, and is always making bigger plans for my business and me.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve cooked for Mike in our almost one-year relationship. He’s the one who goes to the market, buys everything, comes back, cooks, and serves me. He also takes my financial advice and includes me in every single decision he makes.

All of this contradicts everything he says about women, and it’s driving me crazy. Recently, Mike has been talking about marriage a lot. He moved to a bigger place and bought expensive gadgets because “we will soon get married,” according to him. A few days ago, he asked what kind of proposal I’d like – private or public. Our one-year anniversary is next month, and I feel like he’s about to ask me to marry him.

But I’m terrified. What if Mike secretly hates me too? I’m convinced he hates women at this point. What if when we get married, he starts talking badly about me the way he does about every other woman?

Whenever I confront him about his comments, he claims he does it because “a lot of women have broken his heart.” I’ve had my own share of heartbreak in the past, but you won’t see me talking about how some random man’s body will deteriorate when he’s over 40.

My sister says I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but I don’t think I am.

Am I truly overreacting, or should I be scared for my future? Can I marry a man who clearly has so much hatred for women, even if he treats me like a queen right now?

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What happens when I turn 30? What happens when we have disagreements? What happens if we have daughters?

I need honest advice. Should I ignore his words and focus on his actions, or should I trust my gut that’s telling me something is very wrong here?

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Have you ever been with someone who treated you well but spoke terribly about people like you? I need to hear from you in the comments.

—Esther 

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