KEY LESSON LEARNED FROM BOOK “THE 3RD ALTERNATIVE”

1. Paradigm 1: I See Myself

2. Paradigm 2: I See You

3. Paradigm 3: I Seek You Out

4. Paradigm 4: I Synergize with You

Paradigm 1: I See Myself

Conflict resolution shouldn’t be about compromises. It should be about synergy.

And you can arrive at synergy if you start by trying to find out the limitations and the flaws in your solution. Or, better yet, understand your needs and interests.

At this stage, you need to ask yourself questions such as these:

What’s my story? Do I need to change the script?

1. Where might I have blind spots about myself?

2. How has my cultural programming influenced my thinking?

3. What are my real motives?

4. Are my assumptions accurate?

5. In what way are my assumptions incomplete?

6. Am I contributing to an outcome – an end to the story – that I really want?

Paradigm 2: I See You

Afterward, you need to move on to seeing the other, or, to use an old Roman adage, hearing out the other side as well.

It’s about seeing others as people instead of things.

Which means: see the other in terms of what he actually is, and not in terms of what his age, sex, nationality, religion, sexual orientation influence you to see him.

Paradigm 3: I Seek You Out

“I seek you out” is all about adopting the attitude of “You disagree? I need to listen to you.”

It is the exact opposite of “I defend myself against you.”

In the eyes of someone using thinking paradigm 3, a conflict is not a problem, but an opportunity.

Paradigm 4: I Synergize with You

In paradigm 4, you are able to use that opportunity.

You start by asking the other the 3rd alternative revolutionary question: “Are you willing to go for a solution that is better than any of us have come up with yet?“

Then you move on to defining the criteria which will make both parties happy.

Afterward, you brainstorm radical solutions and check them against the pre-defined criteria.

Finally, you synergize, i.e., you arrive at a solution which transcends compromises and middle grounds.

The higher way.

The “our” way.