Is It Love When Your Boyfriend Treats You Like a Buy-One-Get-One-Free Promotion?

I’ve never been the type to demand things from a man. I wasn’t raised that way. If you love me, show it. If you want to give me something, let it come from your heart not because I asked for it. So naturally, since Tony came into my life, I haven’t asked him for anything. Not food, not airtime, not mobile money. Nothing.

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He’s present. Supportive. Caring. He calls every morning, checks up if I cough twice, and is always encouraging me. But the problem lies in what he says.

Whenever he compliments me, it comes out like: “You’re the best woman I’ve ever dated. You don’t ask for anything. My ex almost finished my bank account.” Or something along the lines of, “If I hadn’t met you, I’d be poor by now. These days, what woman isn’t materialistic? Except you.”

Every time he says things like that, my heart takes a little offense. Is that really a compliment? Or is it just a thank you for being the cheapest girlfriend on the market?

And the truth is, he doesn’t give willingly, either. No surprise gifts, no chocolates, no “I saw this and thought of you.” Nothing. He gives emotionally, yes but materially, he holds back as if the money itself has threatened him.

And that’s where my fear begins.

What if Tony is with me not because he loves me, but because I’m low maintenance?
What if one day he gets money and suddenly remembers that women who ask for things are also human beings?
What if it’s simply in his character not to give at all?

Are my feelings valid?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m overthinking, but feelings don’t lie. Every time he repeats, “You don’t ask for anything,” something inside me whispers, “Yes, and that’s exactly why he chose you.” Part of me wants to shake him and say, “Tony, you can give small. Nobody will arrest you.”

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I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know this: love shouldn’t feel like a discount. And I don’t like feeling like a buy-one-get-one-free promotion.

So I’m asking the house—am I wrong for feeling the way I feel?

—Mabel

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