I asked my girlfriend to ‘humiliate’ me in kinky role play… but her observations were so savage it’s changed everything

ROLE play can be a brilliant way to spice things up – but when it goes wrong, it really goes wrong… as I found out the hard way.

When I first started experimenting with an ex, he decided to tie me up with his belt. Sexy, right?

Olivia West

Georgie says role play can be a great way to spice things up in the bedroom – but boundaries should always be discussed beforehand[/caption]

Olivia West

Tying one another up is a great way to experience with power play[/caption]

Except when he whipped it off, he accidentally smacked me straight in the face. Not quite the Fifty Shades fantasy I had in mind!

This came to mind after a reader shared how role play with his long-term girlfriend went wrong, when she did something that completely took him by surprise.

I’m The Sun’s Sexpert, and in my no-holds-barred sex series this week, I’ll show you how to have mind-blowing role play with your partner.

Q. I’ve been with my girlfriend for five years, and recently we decided to spice things up.

We’d fallen into a bit of a sex rut – you know the drill – once-a-month missionary and slowly losing our spark, both in and out of the bedroom.

She suggested role play, and I thought, why not? We dressed up in bondage gear and she asked me to be her “sub” – meaning I’d play the submissive.

It was all going well… until she started talking dirty.

Suddenly, she began humiliating me about the size of my penis, calling it ‘Mr Teeny Weeny’. 

Up until that moment, I had no idea I was apparently lacking in that department – and now, well, I’ve got a complex.

I’ve never seen this side of her before and I’m shocked. She keeps asking what’s wrong, but I’m scared this might not just kill our sex life – it could damage our whole relationship.

Georgie says: Firstly, your reaction is completely valid. Most guys would feel shocked – and understandably upset – by what happened.

There’s actually a name for this kink – Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) – where the dominant partner teases or humiliates the submissive about the size of his manhood.

But a partner should never spring this on someone mid-play. This type of play should always be agreed upon beforehand, and many men with smaller members actually enjoy it.

That said, this doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.

I can understand, though, how it could leave you feeling insecure, overwhelmed and full of worries.

Getty - Contributor

Role play can lead to feelings being trampled on unless boundaries are agreed[/caption]

Choose a calm moment outside the bedroom to talk to her about it. Avoid language that could make her feel attacked or ashamed.

Instead, focus on how it made you feel. Try something like: “I felt shocked when you said X, and it really took me out of the moment. I want to be honest with you about that.”

Then ask yourself: do you still love your girlfriend? Were you enjoying the role play up until that point?

If so, there’s no reason you can’t try again – just set some clear boundaries first.

Agree on what’s off-limits and choose a safe word, or a signal before play

Georgie Culley, Sun Sexpert

Agree on what’s off-limits, choose a safe word, and map out what you’re both comfortable exploring before diving back in.

Here I’ll show you how to explore your fantasies and dive into role play with your partner in a fun, healthy way…

Start with what turns you on

Before you tell your partner what you want to try, take some time to figure out your own fantasies. Some people know them straight away, while others need to do a bit of exploring first.

Watch steamy box sets on Netflix or dive into some erotica. Solo sessions are a great way to safely explore your wants and desires – no pressure, no judgment.

You might even get inspiration (and outfit ideas!) from doing a little X-rated research.

Once you know what excites you, you’ll be in a much better position to share it confidently with your partner.

Communication

When you’re trying something new in bed, communication is key – and that means setting clear boundaries from the start.

Be honest with your partner. They aren’t mind readers, and honesty is the best way to avoid things going south once you get started.

Once you’ve agreed on what you’re both comfortable with, decide on a safe word or safe action.

A safe word is a pre-agreed signal that means “stop.” It should be unusual –  something you wouldn’t normally say in the heat of the moment. 

If you’re using a gag or can’t speak, have a safe action instead.

Make it clear and unmistakable – like snapping your fingers or tapping out like a pro wrestler.

Get into character

Olivia West

Georgie believes communication is key when it comes to trying something new in the bedroom[/caption]

Role play is a brilliant way to spice things up and gently dip your toes into BDSM.

You can keep it as vanilla or as hardcore as you like, and taking on a different persona can really help you step out of your shell and act out your desires.

Taking on a different persona can really help you step out of your shell and act out your desires

Georgie Culley, Sun Sepert

Retailers like LoveHoney and Ann Summers have a wide range of role play outfits perfect for beginners – think a sexy policewoman for a classic cops-and-robbers scenario.

Or, if you’re feeling a bit more elegant, take inspiration from Bridgerton with a regency-style look: a curve-hugging bodice for her and a dashing, period-inspired outfit for you.

Shop together

Who says role play has to start once you’re both dressed up?

Foreplay can begin long before the bedroom. Even shopping together can be seriously erotic and it’s way more fun than the usual grocery shop. 

Pick out costumes for each other and start getting excited about the roles you’ll play.

Don’t forget props, too: cuffs, bondage rope, whips, chains – anything that helps you fully step into character.

Set the scene

Another way to elevate your role play and really up the ante is to take sex out of the bedroom.

Choose a completely new setting – like a hotel room – to act out your fantasy.

If you’re going for a cops-and-robbers theme, somewhere more low-key might suit the vibe, whereas a Bridgerton-inspired scenario calls for a luxurious, period-style hotel room to help you get fully into character –  and give yourselves a well-deserved little sexcation. 

Get creative

Role play doesn’t always mean dressing up in traditional costumes – you can create your own theme.

One of my favourites is recreating a dirty one-night stand.

Get dressed up and arrive at a bar separately, make eyes across the room, and chat each other up as if you’ve just met.

Then book a night in a cheap hotel to complete the one-night stand vibe.

It’s naughty, fun, and you even get to do the walk of shame home together the next morning.

Olivia West

Role play doesn’t always mean dressing up in traditional costumes – you can create your own theme, says Georgie[/caption]