I Am The Reason My Boyfriend Is Going To Marry Another Woman

I relocated to the US with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. The plan was for us to raise our 2 year old son here so we brought him along with us here. However, when we got here we couldn’t afford the cost of daycare. It wouldn’t have also been possible for one of us to stay home and look after him. In the end, I bought a plane ticket and took him back home to stay with my mother.

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Shortly after I got back to the States, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. This pregnancy took a toll on my health. I couldn’t work properly. I could barely do stuff around my house. Luckily, my boyfriend was very supportive. He took care of me till I had the baby. I didn’t have to worry about bills. He provided everything, from rent to food till I completed my masters program.

Now, here is the problem. Unlike me, who came here on a student visa, his visa was a visitor one. He was supposed to get a job that would in turn extend his visa. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen like that. He got the job alright but he was not able to save enough money to work on his documents. Everything he earned went into taking care of me and the baby.

Considering the current political climate, he needs to get his documents sorted out before he gets busted and deported. I advised that he pays someone to do it for him but he says it’s too risky.

“If I get caught, they will deport me. The $30,000 the person would have collected would be wasted.”

His counter proposal is that he would try marry someone for real, and get the proper documentation he needs to continue living in the country.

“Even if I still get deported with that one, I would at least use the money meant for paying someone to start a business back home.”

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I think his plan is solid. I am just not sure how I feel about it. If he finds someone to marry, I will be happy for him that he gets to stay in the country. But it won’t stop me from feeling sad for myself. What would that mean for our relationship anyway?

I don’t want to be selfish and tell him not to do it. I feel he’s in this situation partly because he spent the last year and a half taking care of me while putting his own life on hold. So I am convincing myself to support him to do what he needs to do for himself.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

At the moment, I have a one-year work permit with the possibility of a two-year extension after that. He doesn’t have that to fall on. So he has started talking to different women, both black and white, to see who might accept his proposal.

Whenever he goes out, I sit here with our 6-month-old baby, feeling very conflicted. I truly don’t know how to feel or what to do.

—Naana

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