I Advised Her to Leave Her Abusive Boyfriend and She Recorded it

I call Alice a sister because when the world turned its back against me, she was the one who stood by my side and gave me a place to sleep. I lost my job. My rent was due. The man I was dating at that time promised he was going to help me settle the rent, but just when the landlord started pressing for the rent, my boyfriend used a year-old story that we had settled long ago to break up with me.

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He screamed, “When it comes to money issues I’m the one you run to. Where’s Felix when you needed him the most? I can’t do the paying while he stays behind and enjoys you.”

Felix was just a friend. A year ago, it became a fight and he warned me to stay away from Felix or lose my relationship with him. Because I loved him to bits, I let Felix go so I could keep my relationship. When it got to the time to pay the rent, my boyfriend used this year-old story to break up with me.

Finally, I had to move my things and go live with Alice, who opened her door wide for me to enter. My job didn’t pay much, but from the very day Alice opened her doors for me, I decided to work my head off and get a new place for myself.

We shared everything as sisters would. There was no “My food” or “Her stew.” Whatever she had was mine and whatever I had was hers. Alice would listen to everything I said except when it came to her boyfriend, Kojo. That guy is the most narcissistic person I’ve ever known.

Right from the start, I saw how he disrespected Alice, but I didn’t want to interfere. Alice would prepare three meals and carry them to his house, and this guy would not even say thank you. Alice would complain to me, but when I told her to talk to him about it, she never did. She told me, “I don’t want him to feel that I’m nagging.” I responded, “What’s wrong if you’re nagging? If he doesn’t want you to nag, then he should change his ways.”

She would listen to me and yet would not do what I asked her to do. It was fine. To me, love sometimes brings out the foolishness in us. It doesn’t happen to one person. It happens to the best of us.

Kojo was also abusing her physically and emotionally. Alice would never tell me when Kojo laid hands on her, but I could see it. I could see the fight and the marks on her face, but she would tell me a story different from what actually happened.

One day, the cut on her lip went deeper than normal. She tried covering it with lipstick, but it didn’t work. I asked her, “What happened to your lip?” She said, “Oh nothing. I bit it by mistake.” I retorted, “You bit your lip by mistake and it affected your mood this way? It’s Kojo, right?” She didn’t answer. “What happened? What did you do this time that he couldn’t be a man who is emotionally measured?”

She opened up like a floodgate, crying and narrating everything that happened to the point where Kojo head-butted her lip. I told her, “You don’t have to hide the wounds. Look at it in the mirror and allow it to teach you a lesson. Why are you with him? Do you want him to kill you before your corpse runs from him to the grave?”

That day, Alice told me she was walking away from the relationship. I knew it was a lie, but I still urged her on and told her to do everything within her power and leave. “Look at it this way. What has he done for you lately that you have to risk your life to be with him? You give him money. You cook for him. You clean after him. You do all that, and all you receive in return are wounds?”

After that long sermon, she told me days later they were back together again because he had promised not to hurt her again. I was there when Kojo came in. I was in the bedroom when I heard them laughing and playing. I cursed my stars and told myself, “Never will I give a word of wisdom to a fool in love.”

For so many months, I stayed away from their issues. I saw swollen eyes, but I never asked what happened. I saw her moody more often than she was happy, but I never asked why. She didn’t eat for days, but I happily ate everything without asking why she didn’t eat. Even when she opened up willingly to tell me what happened, all I did was nod and listen without uttering a word. It annoyed her, but I was teaching her a lesson.

I was at work one Monday morning when she called my phone. She didn’t sleep in the house the previous night and had just returned to the house. When I picked up the phone, I heard her sobbing. She screamed, “I’ve been a fool for so long, but this time, it’s over! Kojo is a monster. I don’t know why I still go back to him after everything.”

I was so happy to hear those words from her mouth that I didn’t even ask what happened. I said, “I’m very happy for you for seeing the light. That monster does not deserve you. Look at a beautiful woman like you—is Kojo the kind of man you should date? I swear, if you go back to him again, I will be the one to lash you.”

When I was going home that day, I bought champagne and we both celebrated the death of her relationship.

Less than a week later, she was back in love with Kojo. One morning, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and it was Kojo. I thought he was looking for Alice, so I told him she wasn’t around. He shouted, “Are you the one to tell me Alice is not around? Are you the one who called me a monster? A caricature of a woman like you called me a monster?”

Before I could say a word to defend myself, he grabbed the collar of my dress and said, “What happens between me and Alice is our business. Stay out, or else the next one will be bloody.”

I was shaking. I told him I hadn’t called him a monster. I even swore that word had never escaped from my mouth. He took out his phone and played the recording where I was proudly and loudly insulting him and calling him a monster. He asked, “Whose voice is that? Your mother’s?”

I started begging him to forgive me. I peed in my pants, but he didn’t see it. When he left me, I cried like a baby. Why would Alice record our conversation and give it to her boyfriend because things are good between them now? When she came, I told her what happened, how her boyfriend nearly broke my neck because of her. She was shocked. She swore she didn’t record anything.

When we went through her phone settings, unknown to her, Kojo had put the phone on automatic recorder so her phone records every conversation she has with people. She said slowly, “This guy is dangerous.” I said nothing. I was still healing from the horror I’d experienced.

I looked for a new place without telling her. When everything was ready, I told her I was leaving. She said no. She called it a betrayal. I called it safety. “Why are you leaving me when I need you the most?”

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

She followed me to my place and she has never left. She’s staying with me now, but every day, I wake up scared. What if Kojo finds us and blames me for running away with the love of his life? Yet I can’t ask her to leave, because when I had nothing and had no pillow, she was the one who gave me a home.

How do I deal with a problem like that? I don’t feel safe. I wake up scared. I walk around while looking over my shoulder. She says she’s using my place to run from him, but I doubt it. From what I’ve witnessed, it wouldn’t be long before she brings him into my room. Hmmmm…

—Hannah

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