How to Know If You Should Try Couples Therapy

For many people, the words “couples therapy” may evoke images of a married couple on the brink of divorce sitting on a therapist’s couch. But the truth is, regardless of the length or state of their relationship, most couples could benefit from some form of couples therapy before issues snowball into more serious ones. In fact, there are subtle signs that you and your partner could use professional support. Think of it like going to the doctor to check on a persistent cough, rather than waiting until it’s serious enough to require an emergency room visit. “[Couples therapy] can help prevent couples from getting into patterns that lead to continued high conflict or resentment,” says Dr. Gabrielle Schreyer-Hoffman, founder and licensed psychologist at Upper East Side Psychology. “It can also allow couples to recognize when they are getting into difficult situations and may need to implement skills or tools learned in therapy or identify when they need more support and should return to couples therapy,” she notes. Wondering whether to look into a therapist? From communication struggles to big life transitions, here are seven signs you need couples therapy, 1. You Keep Having Communication Issues As licensed marriage and family therapist Eden Garcia-Balis puts it, communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If communicating regularly feels like a struggle, you may want to give couples therapy a shot. This sign is subtle because it isn’t necessarily about fighting. It’s normal – and even healthy – to argue and disagree. However, if you find that conversations frequently lead to misunderstandings and create a feeling of not being heard, it can foster ongoing frustration and distance. “It is important to notice when communication is breaking down because this can erode the foundations of your relationship over time if not addressed,” adds Schreyer-Hoffman. 2. There’s an Underlying Lack of Trust A betrayal such as infidelity is a serious breach of trust that should be addressed with the help of a mental health professional. That said, there are other ways a lack of trust can manifest in your relationship. RELATED: Habits That Erode Trust in Relationships For example, do you or your partner easily get jealous? If your partner freaks out when you don’t answer your phone, for example, it could signal the presence of deeper insecurities and trust issues. Whether the lack of trust is justified or due to someone’s past wounds, it’s important to nip it in the bud and address it if you want your relationship to thrive. 3. You Constantly Fight About the Same Things Do you constantly fight about the same topic? From money to your in-laws, if an issue keeps coming up without resolution, it’s a sign that you need couples therapy to address it. “Couples who are constantly disagreeing on the same issues and unable to find resolve may require outside support for understanding each other, identifying resolutions, changing patterns and moving forward,” says Schreyer-Hoffman. Otherwise, you’ll get stuck and risk growing apart. RELATED: Relationship Fights That Every Couple Has “Unresolved conflict can lead to resentment and further distancing, making it harder to reconnect,” adds Garcia-Balis. “Therapy provides a structured environment to explore the root causes of these conflicts and develop healthier ways to address disagreements.” 4. You Feel Emotionally Distant Sometimes there is nothing obviously wrong in the external world of your relationship, but you feel this nagging internal discomfort. Perhaps you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner. Maybe you’ve noticed that they seem distant from you. Going through the motions of your routine without addressing this is a mistake. “Feeling emotionally distant or disconnected from your partner often signals a problem with intimacy or relational dynamics,” notes Garcia-Balis. “This disconnection can result from unresolved issues, lack of quality time together, or changes in personal priorities.” RELATED: What to Avoid Doing in an Argument With Your Partner Regardless of its cause, it’s important to address emotional distance early before it leads to feelings of loneliness and unfulfillment that can culminate into a separation. Couples therapy can help you understand what’s really going on and reconnect by fostering emotional intimacy. 5. You’re Not Being Physically Intimate Physical intimacy is another indicator of the health of your bond. If you’re not being physically intimate, it’s a sign that there is an underlying concern to address. For example, your partner could be struggling with stress in a way that affects their libido. Or, as a couple, you may be avoiding important conversations around your needs and desires. A skilled couples therapist can create a safe space to talk about your sex life. 6. You’re Going Through a Major Life Change Garcia-Balis warns that major life changes — even positive ones, such as having a child or getting promoted at work — can put stress on a relationship. Not only can these transitions bring about new challenges to tackle as a couple, but they can also strain existing dynamics and amplify pain points you may already struggle with. Being proactive and seeking therapy can help you navigate transitions smoothly as a team. RELATED: How to Help a Partner Through a Difficult Time 7. You Want Different Things She wants to get married. You don’t feel the need to sign a legal contract to legitimize your commitment. You long to move back home and feel lonely in your new city. She has adapted quite well and loves her new job and friend group. Wanting different things can happen and doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. Some deal breakers are bigger than others, of course, such as the desire to have kids or not, but, most of the time, there are ways to compromise without abandoning important individual goals and values. However, it’s harder to reach that outcome on your own. Couples therapy can help deal with those times when you’re at a crossroads in your relationship. RELATED: Bad Reasons to Break Up Sometimes couples therapy will make you realize that it’s better to part ways. But if you care about your relationship, it can give you the tools you need to navigate inevitable bumps in the road and emerge stronger. So, don’t ignore the signs above. You don’t need to be in a desperate place to seek help or have a healthier, happier relationship. The sooner you talk to a professional, the better the outcomes will be. 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