He Said I Owed Him Sex Because I Was His Girlfriend

In 2020, I was very single, to the point of stupor. I had never been in a relationship before. Around that time, it was some man from my neighborhood that was toasting me, and he had started disturbing me, saying he liked me and wanted to be with me. He showed interest in me constantly. At first, I refused. I told him honestly that I wasn’t ready.

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But he kept insisting. After about a year, I thought maybe I should try. I wanted to experience what being in a relationship felt like.

When we started dating, it was good. It was fun, sweet, and full of love. Even though it was long distance, with him working in Kenya, it felt real. Every day we were on the phone, talking about our day, our likes, everything. We shared so much, and somehow, the kilometers between us didn’t matter.

From the very beginning, he knew one thing about me. I didn’t want to have sex before marriage. That was my choice, my value, and I was very clear about it. But he was relentless. He often brought up the topic, saying that once he came back, he wanted us to be intimate. I always said no. I was very upfront about it. Maybe he thought I was just talking, that I didn’t mean it. But after each disagreement, we would go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend, loving each other.

After two years, he finally came back to the country. That was when he started insisting again. He wanted us to be intimate. It was all he could talk about. I repeated my answer.

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“No. If you can’t wait, I can let you go. You can find someone who shares your views, and I’ll do the same.”

At first, he seemed to understand. It looked like we had reached an agreement. But one day…

That day, I wasn’t feeling well. I have always been sick of one thing or another. I even told him about a bad dream I had that drained me when I woke up. I needed rest. But he insisted, almost like something was wrong with him. He said, “You can rest at my place. I just want us to be together.”

It didn’t sound like a bad idea, so I packed a few things and went to his place.

That night, he knew I was weak. He knew I didn’t have the strength to fight him off. Even when I tried to resist with the little strength I had, even when I screamed, he forced himself on me.

And that same day, I broke up with him.

It happened in 2023, but the pain still lives somewhere inside me. Since then, I’ve struggled to feel ready for any kind of physical relationship. I keep wondering if I’m still “pure”, if I’m still a virgin, because I managed to escape before it went too far. Someone later told me I was still a virgin, but honestly, I don’t know how to answer that question anymore.

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What I do know is this. I deserved respect. I deserved to be heard when I said “no” to sex

When he came back to beg for another, he said he did nothing wrong. He said it was his right as a boyfriend to be intimate with me. But no, it was not his right.  I did not give him that right.

I am still in the process of healing from that trauma. I have forgiven him, not because he asked me to, but because I know forgiveness is the first step to healing properly.

But I will never forget.

—Lucy

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