He Married Another Woman While We Were Still Together

Joel was married when I met him. I was barely 18 years old and in SHS 1. I didn’t know much about men. I was the kind of girl who avoided anything that had to do with boyfriend-girlfriend. He told me, “You seem to be a good girl. I want to be your friend.”

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Although I didn’t understand anything about marriage, he confided in me about his marital problems. From everything he said, they were on shaky ground. His wife’s family never supported their union. And when her mother died, they pushed even harder for her to leave him. Unfortunately for them, she kept having miscarriages.

Her family used the pregnancy losses to push for the dissolution of their marriage. Eventually, they won. They went to his house and helped her pack her belongings. It broke him. I watched it happen. I didn’t know what to do to comfort him but I stayed by his side and listened to his problems.

As I am sharing this story, the woman is now happily married to another man and they have a child together.

My closeness and constant communication with Joel got to me. I was young, and naïve. I didn’t realise what was happening until I woke up one day and realised I had fallen in love with him.

He was the first person who really taught me what a relationship was, how to love, how to communicate, and how to fight and solve problems with someone you love. He was generous. Whenever I needed cash for school, he provided. There were times he talked about marriage. I was still too young for that kind of talk so I didn’t pay him any mind.

When I completed SHS, he spoke about marriage again. I responded, “You know I don’t have a stable job to take such a step. I want to attend nursing training first before I start thinking about that.” He said he would wait.

We were happy. We went out together, I visited him often, and even though we had issues, we always found a way to settle everything.

One Monday evening I went to see him. We talked, laughed, and had fun like we always do. I left thinking everything was normal. The next morning, I woke up to a message from him saying, “I want to get married, but I don’t want to lose you too.”

As vague as the message was, I understood what it meant. He wanted to marry at a time when I was not ready to get married.

Unbeknownst to me, he had already made plans to marry someone else. His marriage was two weeks away when he sent me that vague text message.

He was my first love. Needless to say, his betrayal was my first heartbreak. That pain nearly finished me. I lost so much weight that people couldn’t even recognise me. After he got married, he was acting as if nothing had changed. I asked him a simple question: “So what am I to you now? A girlfriend? A second wife in waiting? Or a mistress?”

He refused to answer. He said none of the answers would make me happy. And honestly… it was true. But he also said he wasn’t leaving me, that he still wanted to be with me. And like a fool in love, I accepted it and continued the relationship.

Recently, things have changed. He has started avoiding me whenever school issues come up. He keeps saying he doesn’t want to take the risk of supporting me because after I complete, I might refuse to marry him. I told him I’m not that kind of girl, but he keeps insisting no.

That means from day one, he never trusted me. He only pretended.

At this point, I feel like he’s happy in his marriage and is slowly trying to let me go. I’ve accepted it. He even said that if I complete and still want to marry him, then fine.

My dearies, I have learned my lessons the bitter way. He promised me the world yet he married another woman after everything. I started from scratch with him, stood by him, rejected every man who came my way because I wanted to remain faithful, and this is what I get.

—Koryor

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