employee thinks their lack of skill is just “imposter syndrome,” doxxing and online political speech, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I need to give feedback to someone who thinks they have imposter syndrome but really doesn’t know what they’re doing

I work in a pretty varied team, say developing tea and teapots. I lead the teapots division, and I have a counterpart, Lee, who leads the tea division. In Lee’s tea division, Sam is in charge of rolling out a campaign for a new line of green teas, while Lee has only ever worked with the existing line of black teas, and has never run a campaign like this. Sam does not have much relevant experience at all, and doesn’t know what they don’t know.

I on the other hand have been involved in new tea line developments before, but wasn’t specifically involved in this campaign. I did offer to help or provide guidance, but was (politely) told no. In the few cases where I was asked to give feedback, I was pretty open about some concerns I have, but they were not acted on.

Cut to today, and things are a mess. The campaign is behind, is missing crucial components, vendors are not delivering, and Sam is feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t know how we will meet regulatory deadlines. They’re feeling like they should have listened to feedback sooner (yes), that they don’t know what they’re doing (yes, but also there’s a component of the blame on team leadership for not setting them up well), and that they’re having “impostor syndrome.”

In terms of actually getting green tea where it needs to be, we’re all working as a team now and have a plan in place, pulling in additional resources. I’ve been asked to provide Sam with some feedback about the whole thing, because part of the new strategy going forward is the recognition that I’ve known what should be done all along (and that Lee and Sam should listen to feedback even if they don’t like it). That means that I’m taking more of a leadership role and they’ve added a dotted line where I now manage Sam for this. I’ve been asked to help Sam understand what went wrong and give some constructive feedback as part of that for their development.

How would you provide the feedback that it’s not really “impostor syndrome,” but that they were placed in a position beyond their skills? Just writing that out makes me fear that it will decimate their self-esteem when they’re already in a bad place.

Frame it as if you’re teaching them, because you are. It can be less about “you messed up” and more about “here’s what I was seeing and why I gave the feedback I did earlier, and ideally we would have done XYZ at that point.” Check to see if they understand in retrospect why you made those recommendations.

I don’t think you need to explicitly say, “This isn’t imposter syndrome; you really don’t know what you’re doing.” That’s going to be inherent in the rest of what you’re saying and you don’t need to hit them over the head with it. (That would change if they dig in their heels and continue to resist your expertise — but at this point it sounds like you’re being given authority to manage Sam on this work going forward, so it will be a lot easier to address that if it happens again.)

Related:
my coworker with imposter syndrome actually does suck at her job

2. Doxxing and online political speech

I’m sure you’re getting a lot of questions about employers reprimanding or firing people for online speech right now. I work for a pediatric hospital and we just had a nurse doxed for her response about the death of Charlie Kirk. People burned up our social media demanding the nurse be fired, and the hospital went back in her social media feed to find posts about her job and used those as a reason to let her go.

How legal is this? They were only aware of her posts because she was doxxed, and she never mentioned the company by name

Also, I am involved in social justice in my spare time. I frequently work for the ACLU as a legal observer, I am active in my very liberal church, and I post and reshare social justice posts. How worried should I be that my conservative company will find these posts and let me go and what can I do to protect myself?

It’s legal to fire someone for political speech, except in the small number of jurisdictions that prohibit discrimination based on politics (and even in those, it might be legal, depending on the specific content of the posts that they objected to, since those laws typically have exceptions if your activities create a conflict of interest with your employer’s business interests).

Your second question is a lot trickier, and it likely depends on (a) the specific content of your posts, (b) how strong the political leanings of your company and its clients are, and (c) what unfolds next in our current dystopia, which I don’t think anyone can predict with certainty. The most cautious approach would be to make your social media private, but you have to balance that against the harm caused when people let themselves be silenced out of fear, something that is very much already happening. It’s not easy to answer.

3. My supervisors are close friends, and I feel left out

I started a new job about six months ago in a brand new field. It’s almost entirely remote and largely independent work, with one or two virtual weekly catch-up meetings. I see other coworkers occasionally, usually virtually, but my only consistent contact with anyone is a weekly hour-long virtual meeting with two supervisors.

They’re both very informal, personable people and are close to my age. However, they have both known each other for years and, as our field is small, are close friends with each other and several of our colleagues, most of whom I rarely see. They go on weekend trips together, house-sit for each other, go to mutual friends’ birthday parties, etc. They are very friendly to me, but I have started to feel left out and like it’s also impossible to catch up. It’s a confusing dynamic, and in meetings they share comfortably and freely with each other about their lives and mutual friends and have a lot of background about each other and knowledge of each other’s partners and families and interests. It’s impossible for them to get to know me in the same amount of depth in the five minutes of “how was your weekend” before we dive into work. I feel a little left out and also like I’m in an unfair position. I don’t think they realize this and I don’t think they’re doing it intentionally. My partner suggested I ask them to lunch but since they’re both very busy and technically my supervisors it feels like imposing and it’s already been six months since I started so it feels a little late to do a “get to know you.” Also it would just be one lunch. I know I have some personal baggage with being “left out,” which is probably apparent, but it’s a weirdly alienating dynamic to have my only contact with coworkers be these small team meetings where they talk about shared social experiences.

Remote work is hard. Is there a way I can reframe this or an action I can take to make this feel less uncomfortable for me? Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of remote work?

Well, they’re being rude! It’s fine for them to have a close friendship with each other, but it’s not okay for them to use your work meetings to socialize with each and leave you out (and even if they’re making an effort to include you in the conversation, they’re still doing it in a way that’s highlighting the significant disparity in the relationships, which is thoughtless).

I don’t think it’s too late to suggest one-on-one lunches with each of them (separately! not together, or you’ll have the same problem). That’s not something that you have to do right in the beginning or not at all. But I’m also not sure it will fix it; they’ll still be very close out-of-work friends who aren’t very savvy about how they bring that into work meetings. On the other hand, if it helps you feel stronger connections to either of them, it might make you feel better! So I wouldn’t rule it out just because you’ve already been there six months.

Where I’d really focus, though, is on trying to reframe this to yourself: are you getting what you need from them as your managers? Do they give you useful feedback, help remove obstacles, support your professional growth, advocate for you when needed, and generally treat you fairly and with warmth? If so, those are the most important things you want from a manager! Being friends with them actually would complicate things because of the power dynamics. So if you can focus on what you are getting from them — and the reality that a friendship would be a bad idea for all kinds of reasons — that might help.

4. My coworkers voluntarily work extra, unpaid hours

I’m a relatively new hire at a nonprofit with incredibly dedicated coworkers. This weekend, I spent both days at an event near my workplace, so I popped in to leave my lunch in the office fridge. Both days, I saw my non-exempt coworker J. doing work (at a glance, only on one of those days did the work look billable). J. was in every day last work week, and their calendar indicates they’ll be in every day this week as well. This behavior isn’t unprecedented, either — my non-exempt coworker K. has Wednesday off, but I have seen him at work on Wednesday and he told me (in a light tone, to be fair) not to tell anyone I saw him. I don’t manage these coworkers, but I’m pretty sure their manager isn’t aware. I think that volunteering to do more work on your days off is a recipe for burnout, but I’m not going to confront them directly. Is there anything I can even do about it?

As a new hire, no — not unless you’re in a relatively senior role where part of your job involves things like culture or legal compliance.

The issue isn’t just possible burn-out; it’s that, legally, non-exempt employees must be paid for all the time they work. But unless it’s part of your position to address those things, this isn’t your job to tackle. After you’ve been there longer, you could consider raising it (in a “we could get in legal trouble for this” way) — but wait until you’ve gotten more established there.

5. Should I apply for a job at the company that just laid me off?

I was recently let go during a large scale reorganization/restructuring, along with about 80% of my department. I’m hearing about a new position that would be an increase in pay (and probably work) that will be posted there soon. I still have contacts there who are encouraging me to apply once the position is posted.

Is this a good idea? Has anyone ever done something like this that has worked out? I’m slightly bitter after being let go and don’t have a ton of faith in leadership, so I’m still looking at other opportunities. It’s a tough job market, and while I don’t think I would be a shoo-in, I think I’d be a strong candidate.

Yes, people do this all the time! You’re a known quantity and if they liked your work and know you to be a strong candidate, you might have a leg up. (That said, if you go back, you’d want to work on the bitterness. It’s good to have your eyes open about the reality that jobs can be cut at any time, as well as whatever your reasons are for not having faith in their leadership, but you don’t want to be bitter in the place you’re spending eight hours a day if you can help it.)

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