clients apologize to my boss for snapping at me, can I make my manager deliver his own bad news, and more

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Clients apologize to my boss for snapping at me

I am a receptionist/admin in a two-person office. I understand fully that it is my job to be the front line dealing with clients both in person and on the phone. However, I’m baffled by this thing that has happened several times in the three years I’ve been in this job, and happened again last week most egregiously.

A client will snap at me over a policy I cannot change/have zero control over. They will storm out in a huff. Then later, they will call, I’ll answer the phone, they’ll ask to speak to my boss (Jane), and then once I transfer the call, they apologize to her for their outburst (which was directed at me, the person they just bypassed on the phone without a word).

Last week, the client was full-on screaming at me, to the point I asked him to please leave. He called back a couple of hours later, chipper as could be, and apologized to Jane.

I’ve thought about what I would like to happen. I know there’s no changing the behavior of the client; I don’t expect that. I used to wish Jane would say, “Oh, you actually were just on the line with Jill, let me transfer you back to her so you can apologize to her!” Now after all these times, I would just like Jane to acknowledge it’s weird. She will not. Every time it happens and I remark on it, she just laughs and says people used to yell at her when she had my job. But the yelling isn’t the point! It’s the apology to her for what was said to me. Why can’t she just agree it’s weird? Am I wrong about it? I told her last week it made me feel like the client doesn’t see me as human in some way. Again, she just said people used to yell at her too.

I mostly like my job and I like my boss other than this. Am I just being dramatic, which is how she makes me feel when she dismisses this when it happens?

You’re not being overly dramatic; what you describe is obnoxious behavior — both the initial rudeness and the apology to someone other than you. When a client skips over you to give their apology to Jane instead, it’s a signal that they don’t want to jeopardize their relationship with her and don’t really care about you, the person they actually mistreated.

And there are some bosses who would say, “Let me transfer you back to her so you can apologize” … but a lot wouldn’t, because with client management, the priority is usually to just keep the relationship as smooth as possible and not make the client feel awkward — because at the end of the day, the business (usually) cares most about preserving that relationship, because that’s what pays their bills. There are exceptions to this! But the way Jane is handling it is pretty common. Ideally she’d at least agree with you that it’s weird, but I suspect she’s seeing the whole thing as less personal and more transactional (and maybe wasn’t that bothered when she was the one being yelled at; people care about that to different degrees).

2. Can I make my manager deliver his own bad news?

About six months ago, a new head of the department was hired and, overall, I like Perry. But there are also some challenges. For various reasons, I cannot leave the company at this time and need to work within this structure.

I have an employee, Jimmy, who has worked hard to build his skills and, after a decade, is a trusted lead of our photography program. Prior to Perry being hired, Jimmy and I had worked over a few years to set him up for a “lead manager of photography” role. Titles have been important at our company and the “lead manager” title in particular opens up additional opportunities here.

When Perry started, he had a different approach to titles and wanted to thin out the management ladder, reducing the ability of anyone to take on the lead manager title. He required instead that Jimmy move to a “team lead” title, though allowing the same planned pay increase (this worked because of wide salary bands). Because of all of the work we had put into getting him to this level, Jimmy was really disappointed when I had to tell him. However, I worked on a plan with him to continue to build the role and take on additional responsibilities to keep working in that direction. One piece of that plan was hiring an additional photographer onto his team so that Jimmy can continue to focus on higher level team strategy.

Recently, Perry told me he has found a photographer he thinks we should hire into that role (and made it clear that Jimmy and I won’t have much option to say no). However, because of the photographer’s extensive experience (even more than I have), he said they would need to report to me instead of to Jimmy. I oversee all visual arts for the company and don’t manage the day to day projects of the photographers — that’s Jimmy’s role. So the new person would report to me, but take all of their day-to-day instruction and input from Jimmy, who would have responsibility but no authority. None of the other teams I oversee function in this setup.

When I raised some resistance, Perry said that Jimmy would just need to deal because it would be good for the company. I haven’t told Jimmy this yet, but know I need to before we get to the interview stage. It’s going to devastate him. Every time he gets close to taking a step forward, Perry seems to push him back (though in my conversations with Perry, he likes Jimmy well enough and values his skills and never seems to have any major concerns when I ask). I wouldn’t be surprised if Jimmy starts looking around for a new job as a result of this, feeling like the new leadership has some sort of problem with him that they won’t name. Losing him would be a significant setback for my team and the company. I’m doubtful it’s really better for the company to get this experienced photographer if it means we lose a critical lead.

Can I tell Perry that he’ll need to relay this update to Jimmy personally? There have been a few other smaller things like this with my other teams. I’m so tired of bearing bad news that, frankly, I don’t agree with and that I know is going to demoralize one of my strongest employees.

You can ask Perry to deliver the news with you, but as Jimmy’s manager you shouldn’t insist on sitting it out entirely. Part of the job of management is helping to present and contextualize decisions from above you — and Jimmy deserves to have you there as part of the conversation, too. Trying to opt out risks undermining you with both of them.

Maybe more importantly, though, you should first talk to Perry and lay out your concerns: that Jimmy has been working toward this role for years, you and he have been jointly planning for it and openly discussing it, the effect on his morale is likely to be significant, and you’re concerned you won’t be able to retain him for long as a result. Explain as clearly as you can what that would mean for your team and why you’re convinced it would hinder your work. And if you genuinely believe keeping Jimmy is more important than bringing in an experienced photographer, explain why (tying it as clearly as you can to work impacts, not to fairness).

Also, though, beyond the current situation it sounds like you and Perry need to get more aligned on staffing plans. You don’t want to be making plans based on one staffing/promotion philosophy and then finding out after the fact that Perry sees it differently. (In this case, he came in after things were already in motion — but going forward it’s important to make sure you and he are on the same page as you’re talking to employees about potential career plans.)

Related:
how managers should communicate decisions they don’t agree with

3. Is it legal to volunteer at a vineyard?

Last week I saw a flyer for a local vineyard looking for “healthy, strong volunteers” to come assist with harvesting for fun! I was horrified and thought of the news story of Chick-fil-A being cited for asking volunteers to work the drive-through.

Some light googling turned up that vineyards looking for volunteers is enough of a thing that there are tourism articles listing places to do it.

Could you help me understand: Is vineyard volunteering different or just under-enforced? And what makes volunteering via an internship different under FLSA?

Vineyard volunteering is generally illegal; for-profit businesses cannot legally use volunteer labor and have to comply with minimum wage laws. But it’s still pretty common, just like volunteering at yoga studios (which is also generally illegal).

In theory a vineyard could legally offer an unpaid internship, but to be legal it would need to meet the federal criteria for unpaid internships — the gist of which is that if it’s at a for-profit business (as opposed to a nonprofit), the intern needs to be the primary beneficiary of the arrangement, not the employer. The law looks at things like whether the internship provides significant educational benefits similar to what would be provided in an educational environment, whether they’re doing work that displaces paid employees, and “the extent to which the internship is tied to the intern’s formal education program by integrated coursework or the receipt of academic credit.”

4. Applying for a job when you know the hiring manager

I work in a small field where everybody knows each other. I’m applying for jobs and wondering how to handle it when I know the hiring manager. My uncle is my go-to person for professional advice, and he suggested that I reach out to the hiring manager after submitting my application to flag for them that I applied. Is that also what you would recommend?

And do you recommend that even when applying for a job at a very small organization, where the hiring manager is almost certainly the person reviewing applications?

Yep, if you know the hiring manager, you should apply and then email them to let them know you applied (and attach a copy of your resume and cover letter so they have it right there in front of them). The wording can be straightforward: “I wanted to let you know I applied for the X position on your team and would love to talk if you think it might be a good match.”

And yes, no change if it’s a small organization. If you know the hiring manager, you message them directly that you applied.

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