Dating Green Flags

Your friends love them. You feel inexplicably calm around them. And when you set boundaries, they respect them. When you’re dating someone new, all of these are classic examples of “green flags” — and experts say keeping an eye out for these signs can give you a pretty good idea of whether or not your partner has long-term potential. But what are green flags in dating? And which ones should you be looking for? There’s no doubt that by now you’ve heard of red flags — those warning signs that may give you pause in a relationship. Well, think of green flags like the opposite: like the green signal on a traffic light, they encourage you to hit the gas and move forward in the dating process. According to Dr. Wendy Walsh, a dating/relationships expert at DatingAdvice.com, a green flag can indicate that a potential partner is caring, trustworthy, emotionally mature, and commitment-oriented. She notes that the human brain tends to be hard-wired to look for the negative — a survival tactic to protect ourselves — which is why it’s so important to challenge this bias by seeking out positive traits. RELATED: What Are Beige Flags and Do They Actually Matter? “In other words, we have built-in reflexes to look for red flags, and that could easily lead to rejecting good mates,” explains Walsh. “To override this system, we need to consciously look for green flags.” Mark Verber, a relationship expert and licensed professional counselor at EPIC Counseling Solutions, notes that while there are no guarantees in dating, green flags can provide some peace of mind as you invest your time, energy, and emotions into another person. Here are some green flags you’ll definitely want to keep an eye out for. 1. They Celebrate Your Successes “It is incredibly valuable to assess how your partner treats you when you succeed at something,” says Courtney Morgan, a licensed therapist and founder of Counseling Unconditionally. “Do they celebrate your accomplishments, or do they feel intimidated by your success? This helps you to recognize how this person may treat you as you continue to have more achievements down the line.” According to Morgan, this can also offer insight into your partner’s own self-esteem. People who are secure and confident are far less likely to feel threatened by your wins and dismiss them or downplay them. “When a partner signals that they truly support your achievements, you know that your efforts to seek success won’t be stifled by your partner's envy or competing priorities,” adds Mark Bingel McKillips, a licensed clinical social worker with Thriveworks in Philadelphia. 2. They Can Engage in Healthy Disagreement It may seem like a good thing if your partner agrees with you all the time — but since it’s impossible to be on the same page about absolutely everything, experts say this can actually indicate that they avoid confrontation or are lacking in certain communication skills. On the other hand, if your partner can engage in healthy debate, that’s a green flag worth paying attention to, according to Karissa Mueller, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Good Woman Therapy. “This means that they have skill sets such as conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and prosocial communication,” explains McKillips. “People who are able to engage in healthy disagreement or debate tend to have mastered the ability to engage with empathy and value compromise over winning an argument.” Keep in mind, says Mueller, that the key word here is healthy — think lively and passionate but respectful discussions, not shouting matches. “The ability to communicate one’s thoughts and feelings effectively signifies an emotional intelligence that bodes well for navigating the complexities of a long-term relationship,” she explains. 3. They’re Curious About Your Emotions & Experiences When you share a thought, feeling, or past experience with your partner, do they ask questions to gain more insight? Experts agree that this is definitely a positive sign. “When someone shows curiosity — say, strong reactions to seemingly trivial things — it's a major green flag in dating,” says Mueller. “This isn't just about them being good listeners; it signifies a deeper interest in understanding the ‘why’ behind behaviors and emotions. It suggests an emotional intelligence and empathy that bodes well for a long-term relationship.” According to Mueller, this willingness to delve deep is a sign that they’re not just looking for a surface-level connection — but rather, to create a safe space where both of you can grow and heal together. Not only that, but Verber notes that this kind of curiosity suggests your partner isn’t self-involved, because they value your feelings and experiences just as much as theirs. 4. They Follow Through on Promises As they say, actions speak louder than words. So, take note if your partner calls and texts when they say they’re going to, and follows through on other promises and plans. According to McKillips, this demonstrates that they value your time. “Stability is one of the most important things to consider in a future partner,” explains Gabriela Reyes, a licensed marriage and family therapist and resident relationship expert for Match Group's Chispa. “The steadiness in the relationship can create a strong foundation for you to face problems together. “ RELATED: Signs She's the One for You 5. They Respond to Your Bids for Attention Psychologists and researchers Dr. John and Julie Gottman have conducted numerous studies over the years to determine what makes or breaks relationships — and one thing they found is that how people respond to bids for attention can play a pretty important role in whether things work out or not. A bid for attention is any little request or invitation for attention, affection, and affirmation. The question is, does your partner turn toward you or away from you when you make these bids? “An example of a green flag might be that you express on a date that you had a bad day at work, and your date leans in, touches your arm, and asks to hear more,” says Walsh. “This shows emotional intelligence and empathy. On the other hand, it’s a red flag if the date changes the subject, ignores you, or dismisses it with a statement like, ‘You’ll be fine.’” According to McKillips, responding with enthusiasm to your bids of attention — even the subtler ones — also shows that they’re able to attune to your needs. When in doubt, you can always try the viral TikTok “bird test.” Show some excitement while pointing out something seemingly insignificant — like a bird outside your window, or the shape of a cloud in the sky — and see how your partner reacts. If you find that most of the time they share in your excitement, or at least positively acknowledge what you said, that’s a good sign. 6. They Treat Strangers With Kindness Some say you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat waitstaff — and it’s true, according to Reyes. But she also suggests paying attention to how your date behaves with valet drivers, bartenders, receptionists, and other strangers. Do they say “thanks”? Tip well? Show general courtesy and respect? Those are all green flags. Or do they lash out at these people for minor inconveniences that weren’t even their fault? “This may hint at how they can treat you once they’re not trying to impress any longer,” warns Reyes. 7. They’re Flexible & Can Compromise Flexibility is an underrated trait when it comes to dating. If your date is able to go with the flow, that’s a positive sign that they’ll be able to handle whatever curveballs life throws your way in the future. Also, a partner who isn’t too rigid may be more open-minded, and able to accept influence from you, says Verber. “It may be as simple as being willing to adjust plans to grab lunch instead of dinner, or shifting plans from Friday to Saturday,” he adds. “Over the course of a relationship, flexibility is a necessity for relationship success. Partners grow and change, and the relationship needs to evolve along with it.” 8. They Handle Disappointment Well Disappointments are going to be inevitable in any relationship. So, you might as well pay attention to how your date handles them. “Early in dating, disappointments are often minor or subtle,” says Verber. “It may be that the appetizers take too long or the seats at the show aren’t as good as you had hoped. Regardless, how your partner handles even the smallest disappointments can be telling for how they are able to roll with the punches and bounce back later on.” 9. They Don’t Bash Their Exes It’s one thing to share a betrayal or something else negative about a past relationship — it’s another thing entirely to trash talk your ex. If your partner admits to their own wrongdoings in previous relationships, says positive things about ex girlfriends or boyfriends, or otherwise avoids bashing their past partners, that’s a solid sign of maturity and self-awareness. “This is a person that is willing to be objective,” says Dr. Tirrell De Gannes, a licensed clinical psychologist at Thriving Center of Psychology. “They accept people despite their flaws.” It also demonstrates that they’re more likely to take responsibility for their own actions, rather than playing the victim and blaming you for everything that goes wrong. 10. They Take Things Off Your Plate Let’s say you have a particularly stressful week at work, and your partner shows up to drop off some takeout so you don’t have to cook. Or, maybe they offer to run a few errands for you that you don’t have time for. “Unburdening someone with personal sacrifice is one of the greatest ways to communicate love,” says McKillips. Morgan and McKillips agree that actively trying to take things off your plate is another green flag. “Everyone is incredibly busy these days,” she explains. “A partner who is willing to support you during your busy times is likely to be understanding of your outside responsibilities and not become distant or standoffish if your attention is elsewhere.” You Might Also Dig: Signs You're In LoveBiggest Deal Breakers in a Relationship10 First Date Success Signs