coworker keeps interrupting my conversations, telling my boss I’m burned out, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker keeps interrupting my conversations with other people

I have a coworker, let’s call her Veronica, who holds the same title as me. We don’t get along particularly well, but we remain civil. My main issue is that she constantly interrupts my conversations with other employees. These aren’t private conversations, but they don’t involve her either.

For example, if our head of finance asks me about a purchase I made, Veronica will jump in with comments like, “Anything I need to know?” or “What are we talking about?” This happens several times a day. It’s not just me; she does this with others, too. Most of us have started ignoring her and continuing our discussions, but that feels rude, and she still hasn’t taken the hint. I’ve even told her before that I really dislike being interrupted, but the behavior hasn’t stopped.

I actually feel bad for her, since she doesn’t seem very self-aware and her behavior likely comes from insecurity. Still, it feels like working with a distracting five-year-old, and I’m worried I’ll eventually lose my patience. Should I address it directly in the moment?

You can try to! If she jumps in with “Anything I need to know?” you can reply, “Nope, I’ve got it.” If she interjects with “What are we talking about?” you can reply, “I’m handling this, but thanks” or “Give me a minute to finish up here” or “This isn’t a good time to interrupt, give me a few minutes.”

You can also say to her afterwards, “When I’m having a work conversation with someone, please do not interrupt like you just did with Jane.” (You said you’ve told her before that you dislike being interrupted, but have you explicitly told her to stop? That might seem like a difference of semantics, but for some people it will land differently so it’s worth a try.)

If you try all that and it’s still happening, you might consider looping in your boss and asking for advice (which is a way to bring it to her attention without just saying, “Solve this”).

2. Can I give career advice I didn’t follow?

I’ve worked at the same company since I graduated seven years ago. In that time I’ve gotten promoted three times, worked field assignments all over the country, received lots of company-paid specialized training, been provided with rewarding and high-visibility work, more than doubled my salary, and been given great latitude in flexible working arrangements. In short, I’ve been treated extraordinarily well and plan to stay for many more years if everything remains rosy.

As I get more senior, I get approached more frequently by junior employees about career advice. The thing is: I think they should job-hop and sharpen their skills more broadly, not follow what I’ve done.

My experience isn’t unique but it’s definitely rare, and not a good bet for most people. I’m routinely ranked in the top 2-3% of the company, but some of these opportunities were just being in the right place or taking advantage of a stretch assignment. There were plenty of times my hard work could have just not paid off.

And my workplace is pretty neutral for the average employee. The pay is on-par for our industry, people get annual 2% cost-of-living raises, and our work environment isn’t toxic or mismanaged (to my eyes). But our industry rewards having diverse experience (usually easiest by switching companies), I’ve seen long hours become normal on more than one project, and our work is slowly drying up. Plus there are all the normal benefits of moving jobs, which are significant.

I really love my job, and make no secret of that to my peers and management. But I’m not blindly loyal to the company, and if I stopped being well-treated I’d probably pull on my network for a new growth opportunity in the next year or two. I think it’s the smart thing to do, and I’d like to see my talented younger teammates learn and grow as well instead of getting pigeon-holed into one role forever. But I don’t want to appear like I’m guarding my own route to success, or that I think they’re not qualified or skilled enough to succeed here. How do I navigate this?

Be candid! “I’ve gotten really lucky, and I don’t think my path here has been the usual one. Generally, people in our field get the most benefits from moving around a fair amount — changing jobs every X-Y years will usually pay off significantly in salary increases, and the field rewards diverse work experience. I’ve been really happy here, but most people will see the biggest advantages by moving around periodically.”

That said — are you sure your experience is really just luck and not something more? Are there things you did that others could replicate that led to the experience you’ve had with your current company? If it’s really just luck, then so be it … but I’d want to make sure of that before you use that framing with people.

3. Was it bad to tell my boss I’m feeling burned out?

How bad is it to admit to your director that you are burned out? I work for a local government in the U.S. On the way to our cars one afternoon, my boss asked how my day had gone, and I admitted it was a bad day and that in general I was burned out. He admitted being similarly frustrated by the behavior of our citizens. I think I have a good relationship with my director, but when I told my coworker, she was concerned that somehow management will hold it against me.

Unless your boss is known to be really weird about this sort of thing, your coworker is overreacting. You have a stressful job at a particularly stressful time when many, many people doing similar work are feeling burned out; this is not a secret to your boss, who apparently feels similarly himself. It’s normal to share that a day has been particularly rough, and part of managing people doing this type of work sometimes includes helping them process the stress it can bring up.

It would be different if you were harping on it frequently, or if it were showing up in your work on a regular basis.

4. How can I find out what I’ll pay for my prescriptions at a new job?

I’m in the middle of a job search and have discovered that, in addition to all the usual complexities that make salary negotiations difficult, I have a couple of expensive medications that I will need to continue to get in the future. Is there a way to find the actual cost of my prescriptions on a company’s insurance plan?

I don’t want to have to reveal specific prescriptions or health conditions during an interview, but the real-world cost of these medications would make a big difference in the salary I’m willing to accept. In my experience, even knowing which insurance carrier the company uses isn’t enough information to know what the monthly cost will be as it varies from plan to plan. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone at most of the companies I’m interviewing with, so I can’t get any insider info that way, either.

Once you have an offer, you can ask for details on the insurance coverage, including their drug formulary, and then you can call the insurance company and ask about coverage and co-pays under that specific formulary.

That said, some big caveats: Even if the drug is on their formulary, the insurance plan may require that you try other drugs first before they’ll cover this one, or they might not cover it for your specific condition. The insurance company can also change its formulary with the next plan year, or the company could change its insurance altogether. So while the answers you get will tell you about their current coverage, they can’t guarantee that those answers will be in effect long-term. It’s very frustrating.

5. How can I set goals when I can’t take on more work?

My annual review is coming up and as part of the review, I have to do a self-evaluation (I really hate those). I have been doing this same job for 25 years (albeit in different places) and am planning on retiring in the next 5-7 years. I don’t want any new skills or more responsibilities. About a year ago, I took over a huge responsibility from my supervisor and don’t think I can take much more on (our workload is increasing, and we are short-handed), but my supervisor says we have to have goals. How can I have goals that are not really goals but that will satisfy my supervisor?

It sounds like you’re thinking goals have to be brand new projects, and they don’t. You can have goals about your ongoing projects and responsibilities, describing how you and your manager will both know you’ve done those successfully. So, thinking about the things that are on your plate currently, what does doing those well look like? For example, if a big part of your job is cleaning up after llamas, a goal might be “ensure all llama pens are clean, safe, and well-stocked; all public areas are scrubbed down at least once daily; and llama handlers report their llamas are well cared for.”

You don’t need to add in a bunch of new work.

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