should I tell my coworker that everyone thinks she and a colleague are sleeping together?

A reader writes:

Should I give my coworker a heads up that everyone in our office sees her (Beth) and another of our coworkers (Sean) flirting and thinks they’re sleeping together?

I’ve personally seen them chit chat and act all giggly together, as well as “check each other out,” like look each other up and down. Sean is twice the age of Beth, but Beth is still almost middle-aged. I think other people in the office are gossiping hard and, while I’m not 100% certain there’s anything going on (they’re both married), I heard that our director said something to Sean so now they don’t stop by and chat as often.

Should I tell Beth how this friendship with Sean is coming off to people in the office? Also, how would I even say it? I’m also wondering if some of this is due to Beth being kind of conventionally attractive and bubbly with everyone.

Unless you’re close friends with Beth, leave it alone.

If she’s almost middle-aged, she has enough life experience to be aware of the risks. Plus, if your director did say something to Sean, they’re already aware.

It’s definitely true that conventionally attractive and bubbly women can be at risk of being perceived as inviting male attention even when they’re not, but if they’re blatantly checking each other out, there’s probably more in play. (I’m not saying they’re sleeping together! Just that it sounds like there’s reason for the way it’s being perceived, beyond sexist bias.)

What you can do, though, is shut down the gossip when you hear it. If people speculate on Beth and Sean’s relationship around you, you’d be doing a social good to say, “They’re friends and they’re both married. We should stop gossiping about this before a rumor does someone real harm.”

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